[kristy262]

Hello All,

I could really use some help. I am back with my very first boyfriend (from 13 years ago) again. We were high school sweethearts and he was my first. We have been living together since June. He never wants sex. He says he is never horny. He has claimed that it is because of stress, his grandfather died, he lost his job, blah blah... I was patient and tried to understand his "stress" but the other day he confessed that when were intimate, he thinks of me with my old fiancé, who he hates (10 yr relationship that ended a year ago). He says that "vision" makes him lose his erection and he almost never has an orgasm. He is always sweet and always wants to cuddle and kiss, but never wants sex. We fall asleep every night holding hands. Trust me I've tried everything! He says that a relationship is not based on sex, which is true, but there has to be some. Lately it's been once maybe twice a month. He says he loves me with all his heart, and only wants me... He says he's with me "till the wheels fall off" How do I get HIM to move on since I have. Is this normal for a guy to feel this much stress over MY ex?? Please help! Our relationship is perfect in every other way! :confused:

[MrEasy]

Kristy, a couple of thoughts came to mind as read your post. The first thought was is he comparing himself to your ex and feeling he doesn't quite measure up. Have you shared any part of your sex life with your ex with him? Such as, how often you and your ex had sex. Was your ex taller, more macho? The male ego is very fragile and he may have a bad case of lack of confidence that he can't satisfy you.
The second thought, was he has ED and doesn't want to admit it. Again, it's a male ego thing and most men will try to cover it up instead of dealing with it.
Either way, he needs the help of a therapist or encrinolgist. I hope you can convince him to take the step.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes, I will agree, full medical and perhaps counseling.

[kristy262]

He is not intimated by my ex at all, he hates him with a passion! He says that the thought of me and him ever being together is what turns him off, the thought of him touching me the way he does makes him want to vomit. This is not my fault we were together for 10 years. I never talk about him or compare them. We had no children. There is nothing linking us together anymore. I just have no idea what to do. I'm paying for the past now, and I did nothing wrong.

[Synnen]

Sounds like it's HIS problem, and he needs counseling for it.

You can not erase 10 years of your life, so either your current boyfriend needs to get over it, or you both need to move on.

[Choux]

I see that this is a duplicate question.

Just a reminder, don't believe everything someone tells you. Step one on the road to wisdom!

[Ash123]

Mr. Easy brings up some good points.

Tell me more about your ex, what he is like, what he knows about him, his personality, and the physical comparison between the two...

I think this IS solvable but it may be a quick fix or a long one (few sessions for him with a pro)

Standing by...