[Sweet_Guy23]

I was in a relationship for 7 months with a girl I thought I could see myself being with for a while. We fell heavily in love with eachother. Feelings I felt for her I never felt for anyone else. Everything was good. We went out alot. We went on picnics, went to the lake, went star gazing, she even told me that I was a dream come true and that she loves that fact that she loves me. Even the first time she told she loved me she started crying. She was sending me Love Text messages. Showing me all kinds of affection. I met her family and all.

Then she went off to school which was only 35mins away...thats all!!! And she started being really distant with me, not calling and textin as much, stop sayin I love you, stopped all affection, but everytime I asked her what was wrong she would always say that she was good and everything was fine. But I knew she was lying bc her actions spoke different and bc I had that intuition that things had changed.

So I finally get her to open up to me about what was wrong and she said that she wasn't as excited about me as she was early in the relationship, and I kept asking her why and all she would ever say is "I DONT KNOW" everytime, IT DROVE ME NUTS!!! Now we are broken up, and I dont have any closure on what really went on with her. Did she meet someone else? Did she get bored with me? Or whatever else it could have been? It would be so easy for to move on if I had that closure but its so hard. I have been doin the NO CONTACT thing and just moving on. But I still don't understand.

WHY DO PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE SOOO HARD THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY CHANGE AND DON'T KNOW HOW THEY FEEL???

[jakester]

SweetGuy -

Brother, sorry to hear that things did not work out for you and this girl. I'm sure you are probably hurting now but I think in time you'll be fine. It's hard when you are going through it, I know.

I won't try to dissect the details of what happened in your relationship but I want to attempt to answer your question: “WHY DO PEOPLE FALL IN LOVE SOOO HARD THEN ALL OF A SUDDEN THEY CHANGE AND DON'T KNOW HOW THEY FEEL?? ”

Here's my take on what we typically call “love” in our culture. I think one of the biggest problems we have in our culture (certainly not the biggest) is that we have a hard time distinguishing infatuation from love. Lots of times, dating goes like this: you meet someone and you are attracted to her and you get the butterflies in the stomach thing. You feel that excitement over the prospects of getting to know her and doing cool stuff together, etc. I think that feeling is so powerful and so real that we think that it must be love—especially if you have never had that sensation before. But as you are aware, that feeling doesn't always last…at least for you it did but with your girlfriend it didn't. I believe that sensation I described is infatuation.

In my view, we have like an organic drug in us that causes us become excited and interested when we meet someone who we are attracted to. That drug is what helps to make people interested in the first place. But what I'm arguing is that love is different from this. Infatuation is an immature form of attraction…it's not wrong because as I said, it's what helps to bring two people together in the first place. But eventually, as two people grow in their understanding of each other and their fondness for each other develops, love is what binds those people together. Love ultimately replaces infatuation because only real love can keep two people together…infatuation is a very fleeting thing.

SweetGuy, I'm not saying that what you felt for your girlfriend wasn't real love…it may have been. But what your girlfriend had for you was not the genuine article. I have learned to recognize that there is a huge difference between infatuation and love. Love is really about a commitment to another person where infatuation makes no promises. I see a phenomenon with young people all of the time where there is a lot of confusion and puzzlement as to how one day two people are dating and all is great and the next day one person decides to end the relationship. If you read the dating and relationship postings on this website, you'll find endless numbers of examples of this stuff.

My advice to you is to learn from this experience. Understand that it is only natural to get excited about meeting someone and getting to know her and so on. But don't confuse that with love. If you meet someone and you like her, take your time to learn about what sort of person she is. Just keep this thought in the back of your mind, she is really weighing her options all of the time while you are dating. Unless a woman is convinced that there is no other guy out there that she wants to be with other than you, you are always faced with the uncertainty of your relationship. Just try to be honest with people and honest with yourself about your motivations for dating and you may find that you are a lot less surprised by people.

I wish you well, man.

[Sweet_Guy23]

Wow! I never thought of it like that. Maybe she was just infactuated with me. Because the night she finally told me that she wasn't excited anymore, I asked her did she still loved me and she didn't say anything. That hurt the crap out of me!! You know??

[jamilarahim]

She probabily didn't feel ready. She is most likely immature by the looks of it. I know the feeling your going through. Rejection. People change alll of a sudden and it just angers me .