[lews29]

Here is the situation: Me and my ex dated pretty hard and heavy this past summer, never fought, always talked, etc, etc. She has two kids, I have none. We went to a concert a few weeks back and she ended up running into one of her ex's from 10 years ago. At this point she comes back and is almost in tears. I ask what is wrong and what's going on (im a guy, I fix things) and she says that "you dont know, you dont understand" to which I reply, you're right, I don't, but I can't help if I don't, to which I get the same reply "dont know, dont understand", finally I tell her that she is making me feel like crap, I'm only looking for an acknologement that she understands, and that we can deal with it another time, and to have a good time at the concert with me and her friends. And I get the same reasponse "you dont know, understand". So I walked away for a while to collect myself. I come back and she is still holding up this wall to me. Finally she tells me why, and I in turn feel like a j.a. (she had an abortion with this guy) So I go into rescue mode, and try to make the best of the situation. Yet she has completely flipped the switch to off mode. The rest of the weekend she seems distant, I go to her 4 year olds birthday party a couple days later, and feel like I'm unwanted. So I try to get a conversation going the next day to find out what is going on... and she says she just wants it to be her and her kids, doesn't want anybody else. I have a hard time agreeing with this espically when she once told me that she has never been happier outside the births of her two kids... and that made an impact on me. I feel like she is just in a rut, but there is nothing I can do about it, but let go. I want her back, but I'm not sure how to go about it. Thanks for reading.

[Romefalls19]

Unfortunately we can't make someone want us if they chose not to. I would say, she wants space then give it to her and use this time to heal.

[JBeaucaire]

It took me YEARS of marriage to learn what I hope you just learned:

Relationship Tip #348 - Being a good listener includes keeping your mouth shut. The best answer is often just an open ear, an open arm (hug), and a closed mouth.

Now you need to apologize (without explaining) and let her know your shoulder is there for her anytime she needs it, your ear is open anytime she wants it, but your opinions will be withheld from now on until she explicitly requests them. This includes you pressing for info, that's an "opinion", too, the opinion that you need to hear everything on her mind. You don't.

Take care.