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wikedjuggalo · Sep 12, 2008, 07:35 PM

I went out today and had a lot of fun it was nice. Something dawned on me while I was out... I can do what ever the hell I please atm. As far as not worrying about having a girl. It was kind of nice but the bowling alley reminded me of the last time I went with her. But I grew out of it as we all talked and bowled.

I ended up go back to friends house with his GF and eating pizza and just talking. It was really nice. But I did something stupid I looked at her myspace and she had Loved as her motion. Now that could mean a lot of things but I tell myself, I'm glad she feels loved. Not so much "HOW COULD SHE FEELED LOVED????" but kind of happy for her. I wish I could be an angry person. Also posted how she like nothing more to spend time with Him and her BFF and they are her life. But I think she might have saw myspace were I was talking to a former friend she kind of thought I liked, but it doesn't matter I let it go. Funny how things work out because I'm kind of talking to that girl again. It stings I'll admit but I read over the stickys here and calm down.

talaniman · Sep 12, 2008, 08:05 PM

Just think of the poor boob who is sitting waiting, and wondering if she is thinking of him. Do you think he went out, and had fun, or even wants to? Do you think he will go out tomorrow, and maybe meet the one? When we get stuck in the past, life does pass us by.

So congrats for having a good time, and being ready for a better one.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 12, 2008, 08:09 PM

Hard not to get upset over that. But I keep telling myself that life works itself out and there is defiantly a reason for everything. I have work from 8-6 tomorrow so it will be fun...

Like I said at first I was like . But then I calmed myself and said that's good she's happy. I will be soon too. Life has its messed up way of teaching us stuff.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 13, 2008, 04:33 AM

All right going to work now :/. Again with the dreams. Hoping today will be a good day. Tired though. I regret looking on the myspace somewhat.

talaniman · Sep 13, 2008, 07:29 AM

Expensive lesson??

wikedjuggalo · Sep 13, 2008, 12:11 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Expensive lesson??!?!?!?!

*Sigh* yes. I'll let it go, stop thinking about it is hard. Work so far has been all right . Last night was o.k but dreams still hitting hard.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 13, 2008, 03:30 PM

Things were all right at work, although it was about 90 out and humidity was at a horrid level.
I had thoughts through out the day about her but kept telling myself its all right. When the thoughts of what she posted on myspace came about I said "I'm glad she is happy, I'll be happy soon enough"

wikedjuggalo · Sep 13, 2008, 09:00 PM

I am starting to worry myself. I am feeling like nothing is real again. I find It hard to remember the past week. Might be because I'm tired. Time is just passing and I have no sense of it. Minutes turn to hours, hours turn to minutes. I'm feeling numb again. But I do miss her smile, the sparkle in her eye.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 14, 2008, 08:05 AM

Last night was kind of rough. I was so tired but could not sleep. I ended up getting about 5 hours of sleep after being up for about 20 hours. I woke up and was unable to go back to sleep. Thoughts still constantly there.

cantbelieveit · Sep 14, 2008, 09:16 AM

Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

Last night was kind of rough. I was so tired but could not sleep. I ended up getting about 5 hours of sleep after being up for about 20 hours. I woke up and was unable to go back to sleep. Thoughts still constantly there.

I have trouble sleeping thinking about things too. It's rough to get the mind to stop when you find your thought always drifting. I been having dreams which make me feel like even when I do sleep I'm still dealing with my dilemma. How long until we get some peace?

wikedjuggalo · Sep 14, 2008, 09:38 AM

Originally Posted by cantbelieveit

I have trouble sleeping thinking about things too. It's rough to get the mind to stop when you find your thought always drifting. I been having dreams which make me feel like even when I do sleep I'm still dealing with my dilemma. How long until we get some peace?

I don't know I'm approaching the 2 week mark. So hard to do. Memories creep into my head, I find myself then wondering how could someone say what they said and then this happen. I try to comfort myself and I have no control and I'll be happy eventually.

Siciliana_Maria · Sep 14, 2008, 09:45 AM

I've recently went through something similar. Long story short we were together 2 years. He did everything for ME. Even looked at rings, etc. then really all of a sudden (two weeks later) needed "space." a month later got back together (with his effort), bought me a promise ring, then two weeks later again... SPACE!! During the space time, he met someone else. Now here is what I learned.

As much as it hurts and you feel that you cannot do anything without her. You don't have an appetite, don't reall want to go out, when you go on with work, school, etc. you're just going through the motions, and we all know the rest... let me tell you, I wallowed for exactly 2 days and I'm really fine now (not just convincing myself) here is why:
My favorite quote first "when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change"
1. you will never ever understand the reasons for any of it (she might not even know why, so how can you) so you will drive yourself to insanity trying to figure it all out. Would you call yourself insane? :)~
2. there are a lot of "if's" and "why's" but you can't change the past and can't predict the future, so live for right now.
3. don't let anyone tell you not to hurt, it's part of healing. Cry if you need to, but let it out and then don't let this consume you.
4. ever look back and see why something happened later on? For every down there is an up. No matter how bad something gets, there is always something better lingering right after it... so start looking forward to something exciting around the corner.
5. yes it might be her, she may absolutely come back, but she needs to see it for herself, and as much as you want to "help" her she will only have to learn her lesson, or make the choice for herself. We as humans love to learn our own lessons. But LEARN from the lesson...
6. as long as you feel you've done everything, that's what matters. Listen to your heart, but don't listen to that constant chatter in your mind. We're all here if you need more. :)~

Siciliana_Maria · Sep 14, 2008, 09:53 AM

Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

I don't know I'm approaching the 2 week mark. So hard to do. Memories creep into my head, I find myself then wondering how could someone say what they said and then this happen. I try to comfort myself and I have no control and I'll be happy eventually.

Here's something that might help with that chatter in your brain... try to concentrate on now. The mind can't focus on two things at once. It may drift between two thoughts, but never two or more at once. We like to relive memories, etc. because it gives us familiarity, but doesn't do us good. Now if you can go outside for this, great, if not, you can do this anywhere you are right now.

Look at the things around you, really look at them, focus on the colors, textures, etc.. listen to the sounds around you, some of them you will all of a sudden realize they are there and didn't really hear them before... a clock ticking, the wind, a car driving by, etc. even just focus on your hand, the lines, the color, your fingernails...

Anytime you need to clear your mind, focus on the immediate NOW, and it should help with the mind chatter... let me know if it helps, even just a little, or even for just a few seconds... if it does, then with more practice, you can get better at it...

wikedjuggalo · Sep 14, 2008, 10:01 AM

I have found music and playing a game distracts me. But They still creep around. Hard to stop the image of her face in my mind. I do everything I can to distract my mind but in the end they come back. As soon as my mind has a moment of non distraction Bam they are back.

Siciliana_Maria · Sep 14, 2008, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by wikedjuggalo

I have found music and playing a game distracts me. But They still creep around. Hard to stop the image of her face in my mind. I do everything I can to distract my mind but in the end they come back. As soon as my mind has a moment of non distraction Bam they are back.

Of course they creep back, unfortunately we cannot just shut our heads up. But even if it's temporary, it helps. That is exactly why you'll hear everyone say, keep busy and do things you love. But when you just have to shut it off, do it again... every time they creep up. Refuse your thoughts to drive you nuts, drive your thoughts nuts instead. The more you do it, the longer and better it works.

Siciliana_Maria · Sep 14, 2008, 10:15 AM

Oh and another thing that might help (it helps me) is write everything down. When we are confused and have questions, we want to let them out. Have the other person hear US and what we think or feel, have them know how we hurt and how what they are doing is sometimes selfish because we are feeling too... I think maybe even getting on this site helped you a little... maybe?

So write all your thoughts, it helps you release them... even if you crumple or burn the page after so no one reads it... and then even reading what you write after you're done with the thought helps too... that's why we like to go to our friends and other people for advice... much of it is to let it all out... and sometimes we get good advice and are ready to take it.

wikedjuggalo · Sep 14, 2008, 01:51 PM

When will I get it back? Will you ever return it? You might not even know you still have it after things changed. It probably has slipped your mind or has it? Like a shelf missing a book its noticeable. It was given without a question, with no strings attached because I thought I'd never have to get it back. But seeing as you have no use for it now when can I have it back? To get it back would fill the empty space on the middle of the shelf. It would ease my mind and fill that blank spot.

Siciliana_Maria · Sep 14, 2008, 02:00 PM

Get what back exactly? Your sanity, or her?

wikedjuggalo · Sep 14, 2008, 02:03 PM

Originally Posted by Siciliana_Maria

get what back exactly? your sanity, or her?

My heart.

Siciliana_Maria · Sep 14, 2008, 02:06 PM

You have to understand that only YOU can fill your voids. We cannot rely on other people to fill them. I am not saying to never trust her or anyone ever again. But this is our life, not theirs. It is NOT being selfish. If you are not happy and cannot make yourself happy, then how can you make anyone else happy, or how can they make you happy?

The point is to be able to SHARE a life with people... whether they be friends, family, companions, partners, girlfriends, wives, etc. not have them be in control of your happiness. You will "get it back."... I'm going to wait to hear from you before I go on ;)