[crushed33]

I dated this girl for four years. We met while I was in my freshman year of college and she was a senior in high school. We instantly feel in love and had a summer of romance. I was her prom date and we did everything and anything together that summer. She went away to college in the fall and every weekend I went up to visit her. WE could not be apart for more than 4 days. One day after a stupid fight she hung up the phone and told me she never wanted to talk to me again. A month and half later of no communication she called me to ask me if I moved on. She was re hangin out with her ex boyfriend so I played it smooth. That night she was at a formal and some guy raped her. She could have called anyone but she called me. She woke up the next day and acted really cold towards me as if she still hated me. We began talking slowly again and by winter break we were on our way to getting back together.
I know she had been through a lot but 1 week after she went back to school for her winter break we found out she was pregnant. I know it was from me but from the rape because we hadn't had sex since being back together. I was there for her and told her no matter what she wanted to do I would be there for her. I told her she could either have the abortion or I would drop out of college and become a police officer because I had already passed all the tests and we would just tell everyone itw as mine. She went for the abortion and I did everything and anything to pay for it. I went every single week and drove her back to my house on the weekends for the enttire semester. The next year she attempted to go back but ended up coming home to be with me. HER CHOICE! Every time she went to visit her sorority sisters she was a little different. She didn't want to go to counseling so I was her crutch. She always thought of me as her hero. Eventually she gained enough strength to go to a counselor and get help 2 years later. The second session she told her mom about the rape and not the abortion. After that the counselor said she was good and didn't need to see her. Six months ago she finally came out and told her mom she had the abortion. She has not seen anyone since but always told me she wanted to.
Anyway in January we went on a cruise and were so in love. When we came back I graduated college and got a teaching job right out of school. After that life was busy. She was doing her student teaching and time was very busy. All of her friends were graudating college and she still has another half of a semester. THe last time she went to Rhode island we got into a fight and she said she couldn't do this anymore its over. She called me that Sunday and said iw ant to do this in person and broke up with me in person.
For 2 months there was no contact until the other night. SHe called and was yelling and crying because her friend got engaged and she said that was supposed to be her and I ruined everything. She said she hated me and that she was the happiest she had ever been and I never loved her,, and I will never get her back and that she wished me a life of misery.. and to never speak to her again its causing her too much pain(she said all this crying hysterical).. I responded with I loved her and I wish her all the happiness and that I'm not angry with her. THough I wasn't always perfect in the relationship I know I was a great boyfriend... what does all this mean?

[LostInHisEyez]

Im sorry to hear all about this. It must be tough. What amazes me is that you're not angry at her. You were willing to drop out of school to support her and be the father of a baby that wasn't yours. You drove up to see her all the time. And she calls you and doesn't want to talk to you ever again? That you caused her all this pain? Well, I applaud your tolerance. Given she went through hell herself, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have to take you with. It sounds like you were a perfect boyfriend to her, but with all that's going on I guess it just changed her views in life right now. To me, you've done nothing wrong. But with all that's happened to her, you just have to let her go. Always love her, but she just has to live her life right now. And so do you, you offered to give everything up, but now you have everything to gain. I hope I helped.

[talaniman]

It means she needs time, and space to deal with her own issues, without you, and you should leave her alone, and heal, and build your own life.

Sorry for your loss as you both have suffered, and struggled, but need to heal.

[crushed33]

I wish it was that easy... I can't eat sleep breathe without thinking of her... she is going out every night getting black out drunk... she calls me out the blue to tell me she hates... hangs around with people she hated... and is being completely fake... I just don't understand why it is that she hates me

[LostInHisEyez]

I'm sorry you feel that so horrible. I'm sure she doesn't hate you but she's just taking all of her mixed emotions out on you. Sometimes you hurt the ones you love most.. .

[crushed33]

Thank you guys so much for helping shed some light on this... my biggest thing is that I pray she will come back... by her calling me and our past do you think she will... or do you think its over for good and if so how do I get over this?

[liz28]

I don't think your girlfriend is at a time in her life wher she needs a man, alone you. By her calling you saying she hate you,etc, tells me she have issues that need to be resolve. I think her counseling sessions ended too short and maybe she hasn't heal from the rape that happen so starting hating you because you was there and she needed someone to vent on as well as help he through it.

The only thing is, she needs to relize it and seek help. In meantime I would not answer her calls and you might need to consider changing your number. You need to do other things with your instead of being concern about her. I'm not trying to be harsh or anything but if continue to let her do what she doing or continue let her life consume you, you will only get angry, more heartbroken, lead to depression. Yo did anyhing that you could possible do and give and it didn't work. What more can you do, but heal yourself by letting yourself free and deal with your own pain and hurt. I learned that misery loves company and it seems this is what she is trying to do, make you miserable.

You can end it by cutting the string she has on you and move on. I not saying jump into another relationship but heal and get your mental straight, otherwise anything you worked for could crumble and know that when you do move on, you will be someone else tresure. Also, don't let her stop you from the man you're. Good Luck!

[talaniman]

Click on the links in my signature, and read all the stickies, and the NC Calender, for some insight, and suggestions on dealing with a break up. Let me know if it helps.

[crushed33]

OK so its been about 5 months and I've been doing really well... however about 2 months after she broke up with me and no response.. I got a phone call late one night in which I didn't know because I was out doing my own thing... and she left me an intoxiacted message that her ex best friend just got engaged and that should have been her and she hates me and to never speak to her ever again... so surely I called her back the next morning and she cursed me about how much she loved me and I ruined everything and she wished me a lifetime of misery and to never speak to her ever again... 3 weeks later my birthday comes along with no contatc... she texts me happy birthday and I thought that was going to be the end of it... but she shows up at my favorite bar and slaps me in the face then leaves with her friends... that Monday she calls and apologizes and I ask her why she hates me so much and she flipped saying she gives an inch and takes a mile and hangs up... three weeks later she's at a family event and she calls me to say hello and that she was thinking about me and to see how my life was going... on Saturday I get another phone call she was having a mental breakdown because she wasn't sure if what she went to college for is what she wants to do so I gave her the support and love I always gave her... then she began talking about how she's upset that my brother and best friend hate her.. she was geniunly upset... after we spoke about that she began filling in me about her family and what everyone's been up to.. and asking questions about my family... and we even chatted about and she almost started to cry when is aid if she needs anything ever I will always been in her corner... on MOnday being the nice guy that I am I text her at 8 am saying good luck with student teaching today you will be great she sends a text back saying thanks... at 3:15 she texts me again saying hey I just want to say thank you for the pep talk I really appreciate it... it really lifted my spirits up today

My question is this... shes been seeing this one guy not dating but seeing this oneguy who went back to college most of the summer... none of her friends are friends with him which I find to be strange... and she's being seeing other people as well... why is it that she's going to see this guy at college this weekend... seeking emotional support from her ex boyfriend instead of him... and continues to contact her ex every 3 weeks... am I crossing the friend zone or is she setting the table for a reconcilition of us being back together?

[talaniman]

Your g/f is in deep emotional pain, so expecting logical answers is not wise. Whatever she is going through, pray for her, but keep your distance from the drama, and confusion.

[HeadsHigh]

am I crossing the friend zone or is she setting the table for a reconcilition of us being back together?

Your nothing but her punch bag. You're accepting her behavior because you still care and of course you want to be back with her BUT all she is doing is using you to make herself feel better. She likes the hold that she has over you and more than likely enjoys the power trip this enables her to have. Your only option is cut all contact, its been 5 months how much longer do you want to carry this out for? Its all in your hands buddy. There's only so much emotional support you can give to another, at the end of the day people have to deal with their own issues in their own way.