[dancingtwins]

I have been dating a guy for 6 months. He says he loves me but I found out that he is cheating on me... He has a drinking problem. Please tell me how to let go and walk away. I love him and that isn't easy to do. Not only that but about 2 weeks ago he got mad and broke my windshield. Like a fool I went back that's when I found out he had been cheating on me. This guy has A lot of issues that I have tried to help him with.
And about 3 weeks ago he stopped having sex with me. Says it isn't right in the eyes of god and that he cares too much about me for that.

I have told him NO CONTACT but he is still leaving me messages like hi and hope you have a good day. It is messing with me emotionally. I know some of you don't think he is worth it but I do love this man but I am trying to move on. I just really want to help him.


So how to I build myself esteem??

[Krs]

WOW OK...
Hear this :-
Once a cheat always a cheat.

He cheats on you and has a drinking problem.
Walk away, the longer you leave it, the worse it gets.

[dancingtwins]

How do I walk away.. I know that he isn't good for me but it is really hard to tell my heart that. How do I move on?

[Krs]

Sometimes its best to listen to our head not our heart, our heart can be weak at times and makes the wrong decissions. Listen to your head, tell yourself to get out now before it gets worse.
Im sure you still fairly young and have a full future ahead of you, and you'll meet a nice guy who is not a cheat and likes a drink or 2 but doesn't have a problem!

[dancingtwins]

Thank you so much for your advice. So I don't even need to try to be his friend because we are best friends. I don't even need to take his call

[Wildcat21]

Yep... you can never trust him again... you shouldn't love him, but hate him.

He has taken you for granted... doesn't respect you.

The SOONER you move on, the better.


Yes... as I always say, and I have proved it over and over here - once a cheater, always a cheater. Cheaters have thi gene in them where they JSUTIFY cheating is OK - and blame it on you. They are really selfish people and you should not date them - they always sabatoge their relationships.

[Krs]

You are welcome
Good luck sweety xx

[Wildcat21]

Wait - this ISN'T your best friend ever!! He betrayed your trust. Get rid of this guy.

[Krs]

Some best friend eh??
I wouldn't even want to see his face, its bad enough being with someone for 6 months and they betray you, but it's a 100 times worse when the person concerned if your "bestfriend".
RRRGGGHHHH that would make me mad and id tell him to **** off, big time!

[talaniman]

I have to give you 100 points for knowing this relationship is unhealthy and know to get out of it. Every time you think of this person don't just picture the good but also the bad things he's done ,his lying ,his cheating. In other words play his whole tape the bad as well as the good and remember how YOU felt when he did you dirt, and stay as far away from him as possible. Good luck!:cool: :) :mad:

[talaniman]

Dancingtwins-We all would in your shoes.That natural and normal. Sometimes ALL of us have to bump our heads against the wall before we learn. No shame in that at all. The shame would be doing it again. And No those are not lumps on my head, they are learning bruises:cool: :rolleyes:

..

[Krs]

Don't be, all will be fine... put it this way this whole relationship won't be your loss honey! More like your gain ;)

[talaniman]

What if you had married the jerk and had 6 of his babies? See It could have been much worse.:cool: :eek:

[Skell]

I think you may be surprised how well you can get on with things with out him. It might hurt at first, although by the sounds of this guy it shouldn't, but you'll be fine. Don't even attempt to have anything to do with him. You think you are best friends but you aren't. That is a convenience thing for him to tell you that.

He doesn't repsect you at all. Be strong. You are making the first steps by looking for advice now go and put that advice into action and tell this bum what your doing.

Good luck!

[s_cianci]

Let's see: he's a drinker, a cheater and has a violent temper. What could you possibly love about this guy? And he has the nerve to state that something's "not right in the eyes of God?" and "he cares too much about you for that?" Sure, he cares so much about you that he cheats on you (i.e. has sex with someone else) and smashed your windshield. I guess it's OK for him to have sex with someone else "in the eyes of God", just not you. I guess it's OK to drink excessively and smash people's windshields. Well, the God I know and trust doesn't play favorites and probably hates excessive drinking (and its effects) and violence even more than he hates fornication. He also certainly hates emotional abuse, which is what this is really all about. I'm sorry, but I'd RUN away from this guy just as fast as my legs could carry me. That jazz about it not being right in the eyes of God is just a big guilt trip that he's trying to lay on you. Shame on him for profaning the name of God to do so, no less! Smashing your windshield speaks for itself. Heck if I saw this guy get run over by a car I wouldn't even call the police. I think I'd secretly hope that the driver that did it would back his car up and do it again. How could you possibly love a guy who merits nothing but utter contempt?

Sometimes its best to listen to our head not our heart, our heart can be weak at times and makes the wrong decissions. Listen to your head, tell yourself to get out now before it gets worse.
Im sure you still fairly young and have a full future ahead of you, and you'll meet a nice guy who is not a cheat and likes a drink or 2 but doesnt have a problem!

Exactly right. Use your head, not your heart. Tried to rate you Krs but got the "spread it around" jazz. I really wish they'd do away with that policy. Heck if someone deserves multiple ratings, so be it.

[tirednhurt86]

I definitely agree with the replies above me. If he cheated on you and hurt u, then why would you want this guy as a friend? You need to just let go- its hard, but it will be harder to sit around while he hurts you and cry yourself to sleep everynight- you deserve more than that! There is someone out there who will love you the way that you deserve to be loved... it is hard to let go- but be thankful it was only 6 months... I was in a 2 year relationship and was not treated the way I deserved to be- my boyfriend never cheated on me, but I knew I deserved more- please don't stick around as long as I did if you are aware of this already! Goodluck!

[dancingtwins]

Dont be, all will be fine... put it this way this whole relationship wont be your loss honey!! More like your gain ;)

What do I have to gain by lossing him

[talaniman]

Freedom and a chance to make better choices. And be happy with life to start with!

[valinors_sorrow]

By losing him you gain the opportunity to learn the lesson, you get to look at the beating yourself esteem took, you get time to build yourself up without him and eventually be in far better shape for the right guy when he comes along.

Stay and you will sacrifice things that no one should sacrifice. Self esteem, security, trust, etc. Real love doesn't ask that from us.

Look around and you will see the world proves that losers* (for lack of a better word) hook up with losers and winners hook up with winners. So which one are you? And who does that make you belong with?

I hope that is a little clearer.

*Losers are people with personal problems who like to play the victim card about it, and think that lets them off the hook for doing anything about it. It is the number one way we keep ourselves trapped in the mess. This said from a former "loser" herself!

[Wildcat21]

Can't spread the love - but I agree with the above. Great points.