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hollywoodrey · Sep 3, 2008, 10:31 AM

The general rule of thumb is that it takes half the time to get over someone based on the amount of time the relationship lasted. So, if you were dating a year... they say it will take 6 months to let go. This varies of course with different people and personalities. Be Strong!

talaniman · Sep 3, 2008, 07:53 PM

You are doing the right thing ,and just need to keep doing it, it gets better, soon.

hungtoronto · Sep 9, 2008, 04:49 PM

Someone please slap me. I broke NC. I added her nick to Yahoo. She added me. A few hour later I went online and she logged on. I say hello. She stayed online for a while and then log off without saying anything. Why is it so hard to let go? I feel sorry for myself. Why am I so curious about her and not the otherway around. Do you think a vacation to another country for a few weeks will put this behind me?

BrewCrew0981 · Sep 9, 2008, 08:00 PM

It's all right, Hung. We ALL break NC. It's a fact of life. Only you will know when the time and terms are right for YOU to FINALLY commit to NC. Someday, you'll wake up and you will tell yourself you have had enough.

Do anything that keeps your mind occupied. Clean, go on vacation with friends, build a model airplane, ANYTHING that YOU enjoy. YOU can do whatever it is YOU want right now.

chiradeep · Sep 9, 2008, 11:14 PM

Friend! I can understand what you are going through. But keep yourself busy with the hobbies, sports, service that give you the maximum pleasure. Come out of your world and see them who are in pain. Help them, serve the old people, talk to old people who have nobody in the oldage homes. Enlarge your perspective.

Yes! I have gone through the same hurt. My girl friend also said NO when I was young and unmarried. But God gave me a suitable partner today and I am married for last three years. So don't lose heart... see out of yourself and your problem...

All the best and God bless you...

busterite · Sep 10, 2008, 07:20 AM

You should be glad she didn't reply to your message because if she had you would be posting here what she told you and would then start analysing it. This is only a minor setback and it was just a moment of weakness. Im sure she is curious as to what you are doing but at the same time does not want to give you false hope. Learn from this and stick with NC.

hungtoronto · Sep 10, 2008, 08:24 AM

I did NC for 2 weeks. I went away for a cottage trip for a few days I didn't think about her much. When I came back from the cottage I started to miss her again. I also know that I cancel the phone I gave her so there's no way I can keep in touch no more and it hit me hard. She can contact me anytime because she got my number. I still chat to her friend and mom. I know I should stop but I can't help it. The more things I found out it help pushed me further away.

I learned that she quit her job that she worked so hard to get and planning to open a business with a friend. The thing is she doesn't have money because I supported her and know nothing about business, she always acted on impulse. I always thought it's her new boyfriend a new provider but I can't assume anything. If I knew she got a new boyfriend it would be easier for me to move on.

She has never been this upset at me to the point she won't talk to me. When she moved out we never discussed about the breakup. She left without saying a word. She text me a few days later saying "i know i still missing u but i had to move out because i know it won't work out". The first two weeks I try to be nice to her but she keep pushing me away tell me to leave her alone and also blames me for everything.

So I stopped contacting her. I feel like I don't have closure. I am in limbo.

bigbird213 · Sep 10, 2008, 09:20 AM

You are not being patient enough with yourself. NC takes time, lots of it. If you keep going back to her after short spurts of NC, you are only prolonging the healing process. It is going to take some time to get over this, and you need to come to terms with that...

My suggestions - go back to what you were doing. Try to make it back to that 2 week mark. Once you get there, go for 4 weeks, then 6, etc, etc, etc... By keeping links with her and her family and friends you are only allowing yourself to get held behind. You need to totally let go in order to move on...

Best of luck

busterite · Sep 10, 2008, 09:34 AM

The reality is that if she wanted to get back with you she would have attempted to contact you. She chose to deal with this by avoiding you possibly because she didn't have the guts to tell you in person. You need to give yourself the closure you want although to be honest I think to a certain extent you have and the fact that you feel you need closure is a reason to contact her and sort of maintains false hope that when you do she might have changed her mind. Could that be the case?

You still love her and care about her and that is why you are still worried about what she is up to but the truth is that she is now free to make her own choices and unfortunately (or maybe fortunately for you) you are not part of this any longer as harsh as that may sound.

hungtoronto · Sep 11, 2008, 05:15 AM

Originally Posted by busterite

You should be glad she didnt reply to your message because if she had you would be posting here what she told you and would then start analysing it. This is only a minor setback and it was just a moment of weakness. Im sure she is curious as to what you are doing but at the same time does not want to give you false hope. Learn from this and stick with NC.

You're right, it's a minor setback. Somedays I feel happy other days feel like crap thinking about her. As long as I don't see her anymore it helps a lot already. I only start talking to her friend a few days ago. I'll stop that as well. I did NC but deep down I still have feeling and want her back but I'll have to eventually accept that she's gone.

NorthernNiceGuy · Sep 11, 2008, 06:42 AM

A month is really nothing... For myself the first month of my breakup was a write off... I pretty much felt like I had the first day as I did 4 weeks in... Everybody else is right, do some solid NC and it will happen. Be patient, this wound is going to take some good time to get over... We're talking months.

And you're right about having to get over that wanting them back stage... Until I got over that I really didn't start to feel better.

It will come my friend.

Good luck.

nickshehe · Sep 11, 2008, 07:37 AM

I only went out with my ex for 9 months.. I went NC for 6 months.. broke it a few weeks ago to find out she's not that happy at all with her life (in the meantime I had the summer of my life).. I still miss her sometimes(though I see quite a few women - none have clicked so I still haven't "replaced" the void she left)-which makes no sense to me since we've been apart almost as long as we've been going out... but I don't lose my sleep over her and I'm happy most of the time - its just particular moments.. But its all good - most would be happy to find their ex's aren't happy, but I'm not.. I simply forced myself to stop caring.. She's captain of her own boat now..
So toronto.. this goes to show that there's no magic formula.. I went 6 months of NC and she still occasionally popped into my head.. the important thing isn't WAITING when the day will come and you stop caring, the important thing is KNOWING you deserve better.. that way, even when she pops in your head - you shrug it off. Just like I do.
Good luck amigo

hungtoronto · Sep 18, 2008, 09:23 AM

This relationship took more out of me than I thought. I wouldn't think I get hurt this much. I guess I didn't know my own strength. Broke up for 2 months now and still feel like crap. I still wake up in the middle of the night and think and didn't have a good sleep at all. Thinking about her constantly. It's like a roller coaster. Some day everything is good the next it starts all over again.

talaniman · Sep 18, 2008, 10:04 AM

Join the club, it sucks after a break up, but keep it moving forward. Get busy with yourself.

Ithappenstoall · Sep 19, 2008, 07:19 AM

Bottom line, no matter how bad it hurst and how bad you feel, you will get better and it is just a matter of time, we all have. In the meantime you need to do one thing and that is to take care of yourslef . Forget thinking about anything that happened, make peace with it, tell yourself that the way you acted when you were together was the best possbile way you could have acted, do NOT hold any regrets because what you had was real it just wasn't meant to be. With this you page closed yoou can focus on you, do what you always wanted to do, go crazy a little, but think of yourself only!!
I know it will work out

bigbird213 · Sep 19, 2008, 08:33 AM

You can also be thankful that once this happens it won't hurt so bad next time. There are lessons to be learned about giving up what you have, abandoning your friends, and falling too quickly. Learn these lessons and you will be prepared next time.

hungtoronto · Sep 19, 2008, 09:19 AM

Love sux man. Nothing last forever nowaday. Look at the divorce rate 50% here in Canada. I've been in a few relationships. Some hurt more than others when things doesn't work out.

This is the first time that I ever did the no contact thing. The other times we have limited contact and on and off. I find that it only hurt when there is someone else in the picture it's very painful when you are betrayed.

snowalps · Sep 19, 2008, 09:33 AM

I could see some very good advice being shared in this thread.. am too on NC, but trust me I beg to differ(not much though; just the other side of the same coin) by allowing one to stretch and by being a little more flexible on this matter. I know this is the most toughest time.. it sucks, and its best, as someone said before to indulge yourself in other activities so you get some life that way; but quite sometimes it happens that during the nc you realize the mistakes you did in the past when you were still on talking terms and want to give yourself and her, both another chance to recuperate first and rekindle the relationship by diligently and consciously avoiding the blunders committed before. If someone who is in NC realizes this even for the slightest moment, it means the split could have been avoided with "maturity dealing".

Hope I could convey the message to you there.. but this doesn't mean you analyse and give yourself the benefit of doubt each time... this happens only when your inner conscience tells you- go back, she's the only one for you-and will be- ever!

I feel like writing more and more but let me stop here- wait for some breath.. am on nc too...

BrewCrew0981 · Sep 19, 2008, 10:39 AM

I wouldn't break NC, even if you realize "mistakes" you made in the past. What's done is done. You did and acted the best you knew how to at the time. Making contact to apologize, or to set the record straight, is just a feeble attempt to feed the urge to talk to them, in hopes of drawing them back. It is NO good for you, AT ALL. You will accomplish nothing other than: 1) Pushing them even further away 2) Creating nothing but false hope for yourself and 3) Starting yourself all the way back at square uno.

NEVER break NC. I know it's hard as all hell, I'm going through it right now. I had a HUGE urge for 3 days straight to try and contact her. But I didn't, and I'm not a better person for it.

snowalps · Sep 19, 2008, 10:58 AM

There are ways to look at it brew. If you get what I posted earlier, I mention that its just a realization that dawns when your on nc that did not when you were on talking terms, and you start to think you should have bent a little that time; after all relationships foster only where understanding dwells and where and when both are willing to adjust... just sometimes this doesn't click at the right time.. it happens with all of us at some point in our life.. and that is the very reason for the birth of nc. Am not saying every nc should be followed with regrets and later patch ups, but yes where genuinity exists and there is scope for failed understanding to be reborn, I would definitley say go for it.
It could have been a thoroughly bloated ego problem or a very simple misunderstanding or any other trivial matter that surged to a dramatic situation which led to nc. Sorry but I can't willfully agree that an nc should always and forever remain an nc . Where gaps exist, patches fill in to strengthen the build and the root foundation.

And yes as you rightly mention, in no way do I acknowledge or encourage any action during nc that makes it look like "just a feeble attempt to feed the urge to talk to them"

Am willing to express more or make myself more clear if needed.
We are all here to share our opinions, this is the best part of it!
Take care people.