[Unhappily_Happy]

There are lots of questions like this out there, but I think my circumstance is little different from some of the other posts. I have been with my boyfriend for just over 4 years, 3 of which we have been living together.

First of all, I would like to acknowledge that moving in together was probably not one of my best ideas, but he was already talking of marriage and of growing old together so I really didn't think it was that far off. Now, 3 years later, I'm still his girlfriend and I hate being his "girlfriend" I hate the word and what it signifies.

I know he loves me, he treats me so good, he really is my perfect match. He's the ying to my yang. We get along amazingly and hardly ever fight. But he won't marry me. Worse, he won't give me a reason why. He just says "I don't know" when I ask him why not. I know that actions mean more than words, so should I just shut up and accept that he loves me because he treats me so good?

I don't want to leave what we have just because he won't marry me. But on the other hand, it's something I need. I need to feel like the most important person to him. I need to know that he is willing to take the risky chance of marrying me, even in this scary society. I need the security and commitment of a marriage, that is what it means to me. He says he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. Should I just accept that and stay with him and keep waiting? Why does it hurt so much that he won't marry me and that he doesn't know why?

Additional details: He's 29, I'm 26. We are both done school, have university degrees and are both gainfully employed. We also aren't in any rush for children.

[talaniman]

The fact that he doesn't know, or can't articulate his reasons, is what's scary. He may not want to do anything that takes him from his comfort zone, or make any changes that may affect the relationship.

[StaticFX]

He might not like "change" or may be afraid that things will change if u get married. Or maybe he just doesn't really picture being with you forever...

I lived with my wife (then girlfriend) for about 7 years before she finally said.. "sh*t or get off the pot" lol. I just need the kick in the to do it lol. 13 years tomorrow

[jjwoodhull]

I agree with Static... It's time to tell him "time's up". If your relationship is as good as you say, he will happily marry you once you force the issue. Right now, what incentive does he have? He's content.

[Merris]

I don't think an ultimatum is the best idea at this point. He probably feels like you are trying to just control him or rush him into something he's not sure of. Do you guys talk about how you might raise children together or your ideas on that topic even if it is some remote point in the future? If you do then he is probably thinking of the relationship as marriage material. I ask that because even though my boyfriend and I, who also lived together for three years, never talked about marriage specifically, we talked as though we would be married, if that makes any sense.

Here's a thought... if you aren't married you should have the benefits of not being married. And no, I'm not talking about cheating on him or doing anything that hurts him... but rather planning a girl's trip or doing things that you won't be able to do once you are married and have children. This is ultimately what made my husband of 11 years propose even though it wasn't at all my intention! I just wanted to go on a trip to celebrate my graduation. Doing things to get your mind off getting married is good too and stepping out of your comfort zones can perhaps give you both some perspective and renew your relationship.