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MomWontGiveUp · Sep 7, 2008, 08:10 PM

At our preliminary hearing, parenting time was ordered by the judge, but is not final. He talked about voluntary child support, which my attorney explained to me. I'm supposed to start saving up, based in the information we have; assuming my ex will get full custody and a support order in February.

To my knowledge, my ex finally produced a pay stub after the hearing by instruction of his attorney, but not the rest of documentation requested. My attorney had filed a request for Production of Documents, but since ex hasn't had a job since January 2005, there probably isn't much to show on prior tax returns. I've produced three years of tax returns, all expenses paid by me for the children (medical, summer school, etc.) and current payroll stub.

I asked my attorney if I can get a part time job to start coming up with the support payments and he's indicated to me that he will write to my ex's attorney, asking that they allow me the temporary part time work to catch up on the payments before they're ordered as judgment in February. I want it in writing that they are not going to try to attach my part time income while I'm trying to catch up.

Since I can't just suddenly come up with $700 a month, I asked my attorney if I need to start actually sending the payments now, or if it's okay to pay it all at once in February. He said it can wait. The judge just recommends saving now so when the order is entered, there will be enough to cover going back to the date the motion was filed.

Does anyone have any experience with this?

stinawords · Sep 7, 2008, 08:32 PM

In my honestly would not advise you to get an additional job right now at least until you have heard back from your ex's attorney. This is because while it would be nice that they give you a letter saying your extra income will not be considered I don't really see it happening. I would also do as the judge said and just start saving some of your money now rather than paying it already you can open a separate savings account or something that you only deposit money for that into then you can close the account when it comes due. I don't know how much you make right now (and I'm not asking) but if you still aren't able to get all of the money in right away then maybe get a small part time job just until you get the rest because you would have to have a significant change in income for it to be modified once ordered and a small part time job wouldn't be enough depending on how much the order was based on you making. I haven't gone back to your other posts recently but I believe I remember you saying you were remarried. How does your new husband feel would he be willing to help some if you needed it? I hope I haven't confused you more let me know if I need to clarify.

MomWontGiveUp · Sep 7, 2008, 08:57 PM

Originally Posted by stinawords

In my honestly would not advise you to get an additional job right now at least until you have heard back from your ex's attorney. This is because while it would be nice that they give you a letter saying your extra income will not be considered I don't really see it happening. I would also do as the judge said and just start saving some of your money now rather than paying it already you can open a seperate savings account or something that you only deposit money for that into then you can close the account when it comes due. I don't know how much you make right now (and I'm not asking) but if you still aren't able to get all of the money in right away then maybe get a small part time job just until you get the rest because you would have to have a significant change in income for it to be modified once ordered and a small part time job wouldn't be enought depending on how much the order was based on you making. I haven't gone back to your other posts recently but I believe I remember you saying you were remarried. How does your new husband feel would he be willing to help some if you needed it? I hope I haven't confused you more let me know if I need to clarify.

I want to hold off on the part time job until I hear back from ex's attorney. If he won't exclude the income, then I need to wait until AFTER the judgment, because I don't want to be stuck with a payment that's based on two jobs. I'm just not sure how I'm going to save up $700 a month without getting another job to help. My husband is supportive of me and has always been very good to my kids. However, this is a real pinch on our ability to maintain our home; neither one of us make a lot. We do all right together because we are thrifty and self-industrious (meaning we do things ourselves, rather than hire people to do it for us). We share expenses. He is helping me, but not with paying the support. I need to get new tires this year, so he's buying those for me (for example) since I won't be able to afford them now while I'm putting money away for the support order (assuming he gets it... I'm going to meet with another attorney to see if I can get all that ammunition entered into the hearing).

I'm just asking about whether I'll be 'dinged' by the judge if I haven't been making the payments between now and February. It was my understanding that I just need to make sure I have it saved up. I've already received an email from ex, which indicates he's waiting for those payments to start coming in. Given that he hasn't worked for the past 3.5 years and his parents have been 'sponsoring' him, I'm not concerned about the children's needs being met. They have also been calling me for their needs, and I've taken them shopping. I truly believe that ex is just greedy. I'm also anticipating that he'll start saying things to the kids about me not sending money. Let him.

stinawords · Sep 7, 2008, 09:28 PM

You shouldn't be "dinged" by the judge if the money wasn't ordered. Until the order is put in place you don't owe anything so don't put too much into your ex's email. I do agree with your lawyer and the judge that you should start saving though so you aren't in arrears a month after the order is put in place. The thing is you mostly have to show effort that you are paying. I know of people that got into HUGE arrears I mean thousands of dollars and all the judge did was order him (once he had a job again) to pay the current plus 12 dollars for arrears each week and the court leaves him alone because he does it. The court isn't out to get people like some think the judge knows that if you are in jail that you aren't going to be able to pay so they will work with you a lot (I've seen it on many occasions). I know it sounds scarry but you'll get through it. But I am glad that you are meeting with a new lawyer because that should benefit you greatly. I'm not saying you'll have it in the bag with a new one you should notice a difference.

MomWontGiveUp · Sep 7, 2008, 09:57 PM

Well, the ex is notorious for trying to use guilt in his emails. I could go on and on about how many times he's tried to plead for money "because it's really about the kids" when it was something he needed to discuss with me PRIOR to spending the money. My kids have always been well taken care of and have never gone without a thing.

Out of my own selfishness, I regret ever leaving my interest in that house to my ex. I did it with the bigger picture in mind for my kids though. If I forced the house to sale, ex would've come out with about $5000 in his pockets after all fees were paid to realtors. This would not have allowed him to get back into another house. I signed off the loans and he had the audacity to have his attorney send me a letter saying he'd be willing to refinance the loan as long as I paid the closing costs. Sheesh! Anyway... as I said, this is routine drama for him to try to guilt me into giving him money. I have no problem supporting my kids... but don't put it past my ex to be smoking pot and snorting cocaine again (if not already). How will my money be put to my kids' benefit? Hmm

Sorry - on a rant before I go to bed - NOT GOOD! Thanks for your post... sleep tight

twinkiedooter · Sep 17, 2008, 02:48 PM

I thought he had a job. What happened to that picture? Something's wrong here. You said in a different post he had a job. Now miraculously less than a month later he has no job? Why would he get custody if he can't properly support the children on his own with or without your child support payments?

MomWontGiveUp · Sep 19, 2008, 04:01 PM

Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

I thought he had a job. What happened to that picture? Something's wrong here. You said in a different post he had a job. Now miraculously less than a month later he has no job? Why would he get custody if he can't properly support the children on his own with or without your child support payments?

He just got a job before he filed for full custody. He was unemployed from January 2005 until August 2008. His parents have been paying for all his expenses. Even with my support (when it starts) won't be enough to cover his mortgage, utilities, etc. His parents are still going to be ''donating.''