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Lol... all right... I'll ask you - BigB, help!!
What do I do about this?? This is the crazy stalker boyfriend/ex that Ihad to get a restraining order, change my phone, provider, AND number (still found me - military), threatened my family, me, etc... WHAT do I do with this?? I KNOW that he was doing all of that simply because he was out of his mind, but that he truly is a nice guy at heart. It was a year last week from when I broke up with him, which is why this is coming up, I do believe. Mind you, he's MARRIED - got married 3 months after I broke it off... Rah... Men. (present company excluded, of course... ) Received this email this morning: I don't think you want to hear from me but I just want to see how you are doing. I won't wright anymore if you don't want me too. I Still have your books and Ill send them to you if you want, I found them in a box when I moved into my house. Staff Sargent, J *Course, he could have been doing it simply to make me understand that he'd got staff sargent... |
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Based on the way he treated you before, I wouldn't respond. Responding only opens the door to more communication. If you respond, it will give him a reason to respond back and that can start a dialog which can evolve into more and more communication.
From the sounds of it, he isn't acting that way anymore, which is good, but you know that he is capable of it. Do you really want to open the door to the possibility of that happening again in the future? I doubt it. I think your best bet is to let it go. He admitted in the email that "You probably don't want to hear from me" and that "I won't respond". I would leave it at that. He should get the point... |
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I know, I know. My head knows.
My heart misses what we had. And, I know that I will just leave it alone - my friends (Alty and Synn included) would KILL me if I responded) - but that doesn't mean that it doesn't pull on the heart strings. I just don't understand why he'd contact me. Its over. We were best friends for 3 years. But its over. Why contact me again - especially after the cops got involved! Why do men do that? *sigh* |
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HC, I'm only here for a minute, but you're right, I will kick your butt if you respond to him.
Honey, remember the good times in your heart, because they will never again be reality. He stalked you, caused you misery, forced you to contact the police, get a restraining order, and he still didn't take the hint. Apparently he still hasn't because he's once again contacting you. Honey, this is a lure, a way to get you to talk to him, to open the doors of communication, to make you admit him back into your life. He knows what a kind sweet forgiving person you are, and he's counting on that. Chicky, there are some things you shouldn't forgive and forget, this is one of them. No Contact, don't make me come to Florida and kick your butt. :) Love you sweets, now do as I say, listen to your elders, remember that I've been in similar situations, so learn from my mistakes and don't go down that road. NO CONTACT! Love you. :) |
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 Originally Posted by HistorianChick
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Thanks Stringer.
I keep hearing myself say, "But he's nice. He's not like what he was. He really cares about what is happening in my life." That's awful! I hear myself echoing so many women on here that I've told to leave it alone, ignore it, and let it go. WHY can't we take our own advice? Why do we seem to think that we are an exception to the rule? I appreciate you guys. Thanks. Its so awesome to know that you all are "here" when I need help. :) |
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HC, I know you and I don't know each other well but hope it is okay for me to add my 2 cents worth!
Guys remember dates also, like that it was a year ago. Familiarity always feels safe and warm and good. He is probably remembering the "good" times at this time and also, knowing you as he does, he probably knows this might be a vulnerable time for you, a weak moment, so to speak to enter your life again. The one part of me says simply e-mail back saying, "Send Books!" (That is if he knows where to send them already. If he does not then he is trying to find out where you live.) My straight thinking mind says as the others, "Ignore, don't respond." My heart hurts for your remembering the good times but you have to think back to the bad in order to make a rational good decision. Got to go for now, have company on their way over. Best to you, be strong and know you must choose for your future. Familiarity feels good for a time but as they says, "Familiarity breeds contempt". Stay safe! |
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Alty... just "thanks."
My head always wins over in the end. Stringer, it was just a bad situation. He used his military "pull" to get my changed number, threatened to "put something in my MOm's mailbox" if I didn't contact him, stalked me, etc. See, you're right. Why would I want that?? He is not "that" person, but he became "that person" when I wouldn't play along with his demands anymore. We were wonderful together, but when it came to the end (for reasons that are best left in the past), he turned into a monster. I'm remembering the good times and what we had, not the end and what it became and how it nearly ruined me. *sigh* - I hate being the "sweet forgiving person" that Alty described. But, I won't. I'll just leave it alone. Thanks guys. |
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Originally Posted by jrebel7
I don't think like that. Thanks. |
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This sort of thing happens to women a lot more than guys I think, but I had a similar situation years ago when I was dating. She was a absolute "crazy" and it didn't show up right away until I saw some things that I didn't like or appreciate. She wanted to totally run my life and we were only together for 3 months or so. When I ended it, small things began; phone hang ups, notes on my car windshield, my friends getting phone calls... then escalated. Calling my office 3-4 times a day, showing up outside my office after work, telling people that she was pregnant (wasn't), showing up at my parents home screaming crazy things; "he promised to marry me, he is evil, he is an animal like all men..." My mother started getting very nervous, she tried to talk to her... nothing helped.
Police wouldn't do a thing... She then stopped for about a year, then bingo there she was again doing the very same things. I tried to talk to her, told her no promises were ever made, etc. She turned from calm to a wide eyed crazy person again. She said that I would burn in hell and she would be glad... I felt very bad for her, but she had a problem and I didn't know what to do. Finally she just stopped... finally So... again no... stay away N. C. HC. |
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Good choice HC...
I know all too well the struggle between your head and your heart when trying to determine the right thing to do. It can be tough, and you may hate yourself all the while for doing it, but eventually you will know that you made the right choice... The problem is, rarely is the right choice the easy choice :( |
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