[MaryLou54]

I've been married 34 years to someone who has me ask him for every dollar I need to spend. The few times I have gone to work, I have spent that money on household items, as expected, but when I ask him for money, I have to account for everything. About six years ago I decided I would start my own business with my sister backing me, because I, of course, had no money. I did Okay, but on my own it was hard and eventually I folded. As a result I filed bankruptcy. JUST ME. However, because he is the only one with money, the payments come out of his check, small payments. I hear about it every month, and every time I ask for anything. I'm a little too old to start over, and can't find work outside the home, so I started making embroidered baby items. I managed to make enough money to buy a machine, but now I need a larger one. He won't even co-sign for a lease. There is no one else, I'm so upset I am ready to just give up. Years and years of this are too much but I don't know what to do... am I just being self centered?

[0rphan]

Hi Mary,

You've been married 34years, that's a long time... well done.

Marriage I always thought was sharing between two people... that includes all incomes... doesn't it!!

What's yours is his and vice/versa, unless of course you can't manage money so he takes charge of the purse strings... so to speak, have you ran up bad debts and he's been left to foot the bill or something similar, therefore he feels he has to control all income.

If it's none of the above Mary ,then you cannot go on like that, your not a kid who has to ask for pocket money.

If he's always been like this from day one then I am surprised that you have stuck it for so long, you don't mention any children or whether he gives you house keeping or does he do the shopping each week?

I think Mary you have to both sit down and sort this out before it comes between you, as you say your getting on a bit so getting a job is not an option right now, but every body needs just a little income, if it's only to treat yourself now and again.
What about your clothes ,does he buy those and then of course there is house hold items

Perhaps you could start up a small businness together, where you would be equal parteners both having a say, and splitting the profits... maybe he doesn't want to do that and is happy in his work.

I think your only option is to sit down and talk it through together.

Goodluck

[tiggerella]

You sound like you've been out of the job market for a while, as I was when I could only find part time work and had to pay full time day care for both my children even though one would have only been at day care after school. I finally managed to get back by going to my state's Job Service division and to a couple of temp agencies. No matter what your age or skill level, there are always opening for you to fill until you and the employer know whether you can handle that position. I'm now a receptionist in a doctor's office because of the skills I picked up while working as a temp!

Yes, it definitely sounds as if your husband controls the purse strings, but does he control the rest of your life?

[lawanwadee]

If I were you, I would file for a divorce. You will get half of marital property including retirement plan such as 401K or social security benefits, plus alimony for life. No more begging for a few $$.

[talaniman]

You so need to be a lot more independent, and self reliant. 34 years of this? Amazing. Your tougher than you think!