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adam_89 · Sep 4, 2008, 08:55 AM

Ok, so here is the problem. I have been friends with this guy for about 5 years now, and he has been dating this one girl who he is in love with for about 10 months or so. They have been living together for a little bit now, and I think she has seen the real him, and can see how he lies sometimes. Well, she is having a hard time trusting him about things, and doesn't know if he is lying to her or not. She keeps coming to me for advice and we have become pretty good friends for awhile now. I know some things that he wouldn't ever tell her and I don't want to see either of them heartbroken, and I just don't know what to do. I hate that he keeps lying to her, but I also hate to betray my best friend. What do I do?

sensi2005 · Sep 4, 2008, 09:07 AM

He's been your friend for five years and in ten months she has become your friend as well, right?
Answer this question for me if you can.
What has he done to you in the past five years?
Are you sure he's your best friend? I mean, look, you are saying he lies and that now, finally she sees him for who he truly is.
Why would anyone consider a liar a best friend is beyond me. If he has not lied to you and has been there for you for five years, why in the world would you want to betray him?
Friends say things that family don't know, it's between friends, keep it there.
Actually, I find this offensive that you claim he's your best friend and at the same time call him a liar.
It seems to me, you are not his best friend and that's sad.
He lies, so have you!
You've been conversing with his girlfriend and you never told him about it, have you?
Could it be you have a little thing for this girl? It sounds like it!

Tell her, " Listen, you're not happy, leave" End of story!

BlakeCory · Sep 4, 2008, 09:08 AM

You shouldn't lie to one friend for another friend. They shouldn't expect you to be the mediator. Tell them you don't want to be in the middle because you care for both of them.

minge08 · Sep 4, 2008, 09:10 AM

If it was me in this situation I would continue what I was doing as if you tell the girl what your friend is doing then he will fall out with you.. but if you do what your doing then there's no problem.. except when she finds out what he's at she may fall out with you but that's a risk you have to take! You never said exactly what your friend was lying about. I don't think that it really has any thing too do with you and that you should let them resolve it between them so you don't look like the bad person.

adam_89 · Sep 4, 2008, 09:33 AM

Ok, Sensi, you really made me look like a bad person. I have no feelings for this girl except as a good friend. He knows that she has been talking to me, and she has told him that if they have their problems then I offered her a place to stay. I have not been friends with him for a few times because of his lying. He was a bit of a compulsive liar and he has improved. Now I don't know if he would cheat on her or not, and that is what she is worried about. I know this one girl that he has slept with and he never told her about and he keeps lying to her about. Now he works with the girl and his girlfriend is worried that something is going to happen between them. Thanks for the advice guys!

adam_89 · Sep 4, 2008, 10:02 AM

Wow. Seemd like you said it all. I am 19, I don't know if that is very young or not. I am very mature for my age, and I just care for my friends a lot. I should just stay out of it to avoid the "what if." like what if they both hate me after this. I do wonder if she really likes me sometimes. I wouldn't mind that she did, because she is very awesome and very beautiful, but I would never do anything like that. I do have morals. Well, I think I know what to do now. Thank You!

hjpan · Sep 4, 2008, 01:04 PM

Friends don't backstab or lie to their own tribe of friends.

talaniman · Sep 4, 2008, 09:58 PM

Make it clear you don't want to be in their business, friends or no!

fireandice2007 · Sep 4, 2008, 10:36 PM

OK a little bit of advice... try to stay out of it... things usually work themselves out. However, if you are like me, that is easier said than done, especially if they keep coming to you for advice. Tell your boy that it bothers you that you know things he is lying about and that it puts you in a bad position if you have to choose. Tell her the same thngs. They need to work their own issues out. In the meantime, try to stay as un involved as you can be, and give good advice when it is warranteed. Maybe tell your boy that he neeeds to quit lyin to his girl, as it is making her upset and feeling insecure... tell your girl that you want to stay out of it, but that you understaned where she is coming from and encourage her to face her fears and have a discussion, not a blame session, or accusing anyone, allowing both parties to air out and vent and get on the same page... if they are meant to be they will work through this... need more advice, get back to me!!

adam_89 · Sep 5, 2008, 04:10 AM

Thank you fireandice! You are very smart. All of that made a lot of sense. Well put, I will do that to make things better than worse. Thanks everyone! I'll let you know how things go!

fireandice2007 · Sep 5, 2008, 07:30 AM

You are very welcome!

adam_89 · Sep 5, 2008, 07:33 AM

I have still been talking to her, but I'm just talking to her as a friend and making sure things are going well. There is nothing wrong with that is there?

fireandice2007 · Sep 5, 2008, 07:57 AM

Not at all in my opinion. In those situations, women need friends for support, but you need to make sure that she understands that you are not going to be a spy for her, and that she does need to be a big girl and face it herself. I have been in this situation and I finally got to the point where I gave the guy (who I had been friends with for a long time) an ultimatum to either tell her himself about everything he lied about, or I would do it myself. But in my situation, she was actually being put in physical danger. I still think you need to have a heart to heart with your boy and let him know that although you guys are friends (best friends I think you said) you don't approve of the lies, and that he needs to man up and be honest. Having stuff like that come from a friend hits harder than from others...

adam_89 · Sep 5, 2008, 09:17 AM

Ok. Thanks a lot. I know she is not in danger or anything, I just want her to know things, but I don't want to come between them, or have them both hate me. I was doing wrong, and I should talk to him. For all I know, he has probably lied to me a lot. I know he has about a few things. I wouldn't say that he is my best friend anymore. We used to be. I have other friends that are better to be around. I stopped hanging around him for awhile because he was hanging around with a bad crowd that I didn't approve of. He is getting better since most of them are in jail now. He still has a bit of a lying problem though. Thanks again!