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sfqt33 · May 31, 2006, 06:46 AM

What I mean is.. do you think rebound relationships work? If you go from one relationship to another with no break in between. I was wondering because my ex is still with the person she left me for and it has been over a year. Everyone said, " it's just a rebound relationship" and it won't last. But IT IS LASTING!
Just wanted everyone's thoughts.

Krs · May 31, 2006, 06:52 AM

I suppose everyone is different.
If she left you because she truly had feelings for this person than I personally don't see why not!

Wildcat21 · May 31, 2006, 07:36 AM

Depends on how you broke. No cheating, no abuse, no loss of respect - or trust... not a bad break, no one begging... no clingy-needy. You guys also would have needed to date for over a year.

phillysteakandcheese · May 31, 2006, 07:50 AM

A rebound relationship - In my opinion - refers to a situation where two people get together purely out of desperation to be with someone - and most often that means accepting someone with problems that would otherwise have kept the two apart. Because these relationships are rooted in desperation, they are likely to fail.

That is very different from simply meeting some and dating them reletively soon after a break up. People meet in many different circumstances, so it's quite conceivable to meet someone that is truly great, even a short time after a break up.

s_cianci · May 31, 2006, 07:03 PM

If that's the case then I really wouldn't call it a "rebound" relationship. Rebound relationships usually occur after the fact and are not usually the motivation for ending an existing relationship. I almost wonder if you were the rebound relationship and she left you for an ex with whom she'd reconciled. That actually seems like a more likely scenario.

talaniman · May 31, 2006, 07:28 PM

She has a lot of baggage, and I don't want to take it on.---DON'T!

s_cianci · May 31, 2006, 07:31 PM

Break up with her and allow yourself to heal and eventually find the right woman. You obviously don't want to be with this woman so it's not fair to lead her on.

Myth · May 31, 2006, 09:42 PM

It sounds as if she can't control her own life so she wants to control yours. You need to live on your own find yourself and figure out what you want in life not what anyone else wants or needs. She crosses your boundries and you let her, but when you cross hers she throws a temper tantrum. It sound very unhealthy to me. I would get out of this relationship if I were you. She needs some help but not the kind of help a marriage can give. Time to part ways I think. The pain, and suffering that we go through in life is just as important an experience as the joys and happiness. This is all meant to make us stronger people. People get hurt every day and they change because of it. You seem to be realising that you don't want to be smothered and controlled and that's great. Now she needs to learn not to smother and control and sometimes that's a hard lesson. You already know what you have to do so what are you waiting for? The choice is yours... a chance to be happy or a chance to be unhappy.

sfqt33 · Jun 1, 2006, 08:57 PM

Help, I just broke up with her and feel like crap. But, I had to. I am not happy.

sfqt33 · Jun 1, 2006, 09:00 PM

Help!! I just broke up with her and feel like crap. I had to. I was unhappy. I jumped into this without dealing with my last relationship. She wanted to control my life and be with me 24-7.
I did't want to loose myself in a relationship. She was jealous, didn't trust me, possessive and controlling. I am terrified to be single but I know I have to work on me. Why do I feel so bad.?

Myth · Jun 1, 2006, 09:00 PM

You said you had to do it and you did it... good for you. Your starting to stand up for yourself and yes your going to feel like crap... buy can you tell us why you feel this way?

sfqt33 · Jun 1, 2006, 09:05 PM

I am afraid I am now adventually have to start to date again. Be with someone new. I have never NOT been in a relationship. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate all your support. Right now I feel raw,scared and unsure about my decision.

Skell · Jun 1, 2006, 09:10 PM

You've made the first step to becoming happy again. There is no doubt you are going to feel lonely but you can negate that feeling but doing other things. Hang around with mates and family, go for a run or to the gym. My girl of 7 years just broke up with me. I was and am still at times very very lonely. But I found going for a long run helpful. I was also in the middle of finishing my university degree so I threw myself into that. I have done that and now I have started to learn french at uni. I have met heaps of people there (some beautiful girls as well) and am enjoying it. Plus it eats up some of that lonely time.
As you said you had to do this because you were unhappy. Well now you've done it look at this as the first step to getting over your ex and becoming happy again. You won't achieve this though by sitting home feeling sorry for yourself. Sure it will hurt sometimes but try hard not to let it get to you and the best way to do this is surrond yourself with friends and family. They can make you feel better.
Good luck

Myth · Jun 1, 2006, 09:11 PM

We have all been there and we all have the scars to prove it... You have a wonderful support team here and though we might change from time to time we're still here... You don't have to date till your ready and I hope that you give yourself a chance to heal your hurts and get to know who you are before you jump into that drama again. Just take a deep breath and take it one day at a time and you'll see how fun it can be to be single. I would say hang out with the guys and see what that's like since you haven't been able to in sooo long. Find a couple of girls that you wouldn't date and become friends, they will be a lot of help when your trying to figure out a new twist to the whole should I or shouldn't I. Hope this helps.

valinors_sorrow · Jun 2, 2006, 04:08 AM

It takes rebuilding your life (so that its filled with many sources of good feelings) to be able to see looking back that no relationship is truly better than a bad relationship. In your worst moments you need to remind yourself you have gone from a minus to a zero (not that you are a zero, okay?) and that you deserve to have a positive. This is how you get there. You did a very right thing here. Keep working on you - it is by my firsthand experience really really worth it. It will get better, you'll see.

talaniman · Jun 2, 2006, 05:00 AM

Enjoy the single life and give yourself the time to heal so you'll be ready for a healthy relationship. Being single can be fun and you can talk and hangout with any female you want any time you want. You have a golden opportunity so make the most of it.:cool: :D

31pumpkin · Jun 2, 2006, 05:06 PM

I don't know too much about how long you went out with your ex but now that you are single... there's still Match.com!

P.S.- That's suppose to be a joke!

Chery · Jun 2, 2006, 05:40 PM

Originally Posted by sfqt33

I am afraid I am now adventually have to start to date again. Be with someone new. I have never NOT been in a relationship. You guys have no idea how much I appreciate all your support. Right now I feel raw,scared and unsure about my decision.

OK, with all the advice, and very good advice at that... also the responses you posted in between - shows exactly what you should do now.

STOP being insecure with yourself. Go and do a 'sabbatical' on your own, get to learn why you fear being alone. The one individual you should feel most comfortable with is YOU, and until you can do that, by getting to know yourself better, you will never benefit anyone else.

You know rebound relationships are not good. You know that you don't really want a long term relationship with your current 'match'. You also know that you are not really 'pining away' for your ex - you are just clinging to that myth because you can't explain your fear of being alone in any other way just yet.

So, you need to do a few things. 1. Work on yourself and learn to be your best friend. . 2. Stop using your ex, as an excuse to distract you from the real issue - your inner core - and your doubts and fears your fear of 'bonding' with anyone right now because you don't know what you want. You will probably need help in figuring yourself out or you will not do yourself or anyone else any good.

If you read all of your responses here again, you'll know exactly what you need - you've figured it out, now apply it to yourself and get to work. By all means, please give yourself some time before you jump into another relationship. You should not 'use' someone else to 'ease' your pain right now - it would not be fair to them.

You'll get there eventually, just be a little more optimistic and positive.

Good luck, and keep us posted.

sfqt33 · Jun 3, 2006, 07:19 AM

Hi everyone,
You are all so right and I appreciate your support. Wow, I am so grateful I have this website and all of you! Next question, she called me last night and left a message. I have not responded. But, I would like to get my stuff and my key back from her. I would appreciate advise on how to do this. I am actually worried that she may " show up" at my work and cause a seen.
I know now more than ever, that I have to work on my stuff before hooking up with someone else. I suppose that is why I continue to get into these, no where, short relationships. Because I settle in fear of being alone.

sfqt33 · Jun 3, 2006, 07:25 AM

Hi everyone,
You are all so right and I appreciate your support. Wow, I am so grateful I have this website and all of you! Next question, she called me last night and left a message. I have not responded. But, I would like to get my stuff and my key back from her. I would appreciate advise on how to do this. I am actually worried that she may " show up" at my work and cause a seen.
I know now more than ever, that I have to work on my stuff before hooking up with someone else. I suppose that is why I continue to get into these, no where, short relationships. Because I settle in fear of being alone.
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