[jennifer ellen]

I feel alone and don't know what to do, I cry every other day I don't go out I sit in the house every day doing the same old routine. I have a 9 month old baby who I love and adore very much but this has changed my life around sooo much. I have no friends I speak to no one. I have no get up and go anymore I sit here and cry thinking about life. I am to no harm to anyone I just feel so low and useless. My boyfriend doesn't understand very much we talk but it always ends in an argument as he thinks I just moan all the time.

I need some advice and to speak to someone :(

[lmangileri]

Do you have any family in the area? Anyone you can talk to besides your boyfriend? There's got to be places you can go out and meet people. Any classes you can take just for fun at a local college? Have your boyfriend watch the little one?

[jennifer ellen]

Its kind of complicated as we live overseas with his job I came here with parents who have now left, so I now live with boyfriend which I'm not supposed to be as it's the law with his job so I'm not intitled to go anywhere without a pass to say we are married etc - complicated hey. So I have nowhere to go and no one to see, he doesn't understand he is a kind of selfish man when it comes to things like this, his life hasn't changed at all since having the baby, he still goes out twice a week and does what he wants, all I do is clean tidy up and cry. I can't even go see a doctor to see if they could help as I'm not intitled to be here with him.

Thank you for responding to me :)

[liz28]

Are you feeling this way due to your boyfriend going through a divorce? I understand from your other post your insecure and the whole situation between him and his wife getting a divorce might be a downer. Maybe you need some you time by getting out the house and making friends. Also, living in the house that him and his wife once shared can affect your mood too. Get out the houst because your boyfriend is. Don't make your life revolve around him. Your mental health is important to and if you continue this way it can only lead to depression. Take care yourself and your child.

[Choux]

You have to accept responsibility for the life you have made for yourself because of your decisions. Then, you realize that it is your responsibility to make a good life for yourself going forward. Don't make yourself a passive victim... that leads to mental illness as you can see.

Since you haven't posted any concrete information about where you are, etc, that's about all I can offer you right now except get up each morning and get out of the house for a few hours and enjoy nature... if you speak the language of the people, talk and make some casual friends to start.

Best wishes in the future, :)

[SweetDee]

It sounds like you have postpartum depression. This is very normal and very prevailent after having a baby for up to a couple of years. You might want to visit your G.P. and tell the dr. what you've been going through. She/he might have some good alternatives for you. Or he can recommend some medication for you for the time being. You can put your baby on the bottle during this time, as meds and breast milk don't mix. (I had my baby on bottle instead of breast milk as she's a teen now. She intelligent. Healthy and beautiful).

In order to be a good mom you have to be a happy one. The responsibility of taking care of YOURSELF is number one so you can offer the best ability as a parent and wife.

The biggest mistake we make as women is to put ourself second or third or fourth, etc... The best solution to a good quality of life for everyone involved in your world is to confirm a positive state of mind for yourself.

Go on meds, to calm your hormones and balance them. Get some help for yourself, like ask your mom to take the baby or someone you trust. Even hire a nurse. During the time your baby is with someone, you can take that time to exercise... go to the gym! Take yoga! Go for a massage... Go have lunch w/ some friends and enjoy some adult conversation. You can be happy again, but you can't do it alone. Get help! Please be good to your baby's momma. Xo

[SweetDee]

Jennifer, I didn't read your follow up after you responded to imangileri... sorry.

You have put yourself in a situation that put him and others before yourself. If you put other's before you then you essentially are ripping off your baby, (example: If mommy is miserable so will baby). Perhaps go home.. Raise that baby and surround yourself w/ people who have your best interest at heart. This is the only way to give yourself love, by surrounding yourself w/ it. Speak to you man... tell him what you need. If he participates then AWESOME, but if he does not... it's time to choose YOU&baby.

I encourage you to put the baby's needs before your need to be w/ this selfish man... You and him, plus baby makes a team of 3. His priorities have to change. His life has to change... everyone's life changes when a baby is born.