What do I do?

sara_bell15 · May 31, 2006, 01:06 PM

The guy I have been with for about 5 months now is great. Well I thought that until I stayed at his house with him. He was at work and he told me I could get on his computer and do whatever. I did and found all his old chat logs. I know I shouldn't have snooped but what I found was that for the first few months we were together he was talking to the girl he was going to start seeing before he met me. He was telling her he loved her, talking about me, saying sexual things, and the list goes on. It happened a lot. There was a part saying he was talking to me at the same time. I t hurt really bad because I didn't think he would do something like that. What should I do and say to him to let him know it hurts and what to do to get over it all?

CaptainForest · May 31, 2006, 02:06 PM

Is he still doing it?

You said the first few months, you guys were only dating.

If he has in fact stopped since, then forget about it.

Fr_Chuck · May 31, 2006, 02:46 PM

If during the first few months you were just "dating" no commitment and the such, he had all right to date and see a dozen other girls.

When Toni and I first meet I was dating several other ladies and continued to for a while.

Unless he promised he was not seeing anyone else, or made some level of commitment I do not see why he could not have continued several other relatonships.

If now your relationship has progressed to a closer and more committed relationship ( and since you said the chat logs were from earlier, not current)
I would appear the other relationship is over.

Next of course you should have respected his privacy and not snooped, would you want him reviewing all of your old chats, or your letters and the such from before.

My opinion anyway based on the little bit of knowledge you provided in this

Wildcat21 · May 31, 2006, 02:57 PM

Yes... people kind of forget too easily that the first FEW months of dating you are NOT and rightful should expect to be exclusive ever.

ARE YOU EXCLUSIVE NOW?? All that matters.

I would say you shouldn't be exclusive until like 5 or 6 months into it. Keep it open... it builds up mystery.

s_cianci · May 31, 2006, 06:41 PM

Tell him how you feel, what you're upset about and why. Give him a chance to explain his side of things. Keep in mind that these conversations took place before you knew each other very well. You may be reading more into this situation than what's there. As it is the two of you have only been together 5 months. That's not a whole lot of time in the grand scheme of things.

Krs · Jun 1, 2006, 02:26 AM

I think if he is not chatting to this girl anymore.. than don't worry about it!

valinors_sorrow · Jun 1, 2006, 06:04 PM

I am going to swim against the current here and suggest you say nothing. The discomfort you are experiencing is the price you pay for snooping (tsk tsk) so the lesson is, therefore, no more snooping. Anything said beyond this only compounds the mistake you made.

Five months is not a long time too. If this relationship deepens over time into the real thing, you will have your answer there in a much more meaningful and believable way, anyway.

I hope that helps.

talaniman · Jun 5, 2006, 05:16 PM

If you had not been snooping then you would not have been so hurt finding out he was talking to someone else while he was talking to you. To all the females -THAT PERFECTLY LEGAL. Now if he's still doing it that's another matter so get over the hurt feelings and think with your head not your heart. 6months?? I think you still have a lot to find out about him.