[12402]

So I finally moved out most of my essentials from our old apartment. It has been 4 weeks now since the break up. He offered to help me move and offered to help me pack since together we had so much stuff to sort through. He offered to give me money so I can buy a car and offered to give me rides to my field placement this fall until I get a car. He said he'd take that morning off from work so he could help me.

Yesterday I went to pick up some of the smaller stuff and he was there. We started talking and he told me he's been very upset and lonely. He hasn't really had anyone to talk to because he doesn't feel comfortable talking to anyone else. We talked about school and work. He's finishing school only because he feels he has to but is considering making a career change or trying something different once school is over. He told me he feels he has a lot of issues to work through and doesn't feel it's fair to put me through all of that since he doesn't know what he's going to do. He said he doesn't want a relationship, but does love me and care about me. He said I was his best friend and the only person he could talk to seriously about all this stuff. He also started telling me that he doesn't think it would work between us because of the differences in our lives. He doesn't know what he wants to do with his life and thinks he's just going to be a bum, while my goal is to continue going to school until I get my doctorate. He doesn't think that would work and he wouldn't be able to provide for me like I deserve.

In the end, the conversation became more emotional because he knows that I want to get back together and he doesn't think that's the right thing to do right now. He ended up telling me he wants space again and left. I told him that I still cared for him, especially as a friend, and that if he ever needed someone to talk to, that I'd be there. He said the same thing to me too and so far has offered all of the above.

Some of the things he says and does are confusing. He says he loves me and cares for me but that right now is not a good time for us to be together. He says he doesn't waant a relationship and needs to work on himself, but when we first broke up he told me that he thought he might like another girl, but that they were just friends. I found a list he made about her and the things he likes about her. Attached was also a poem he wrote about why men leave and how they don't want women to go down with them when they fail.

Why is he offering me help, trying to be friendly, telling me all this stuff, and continues to talk to me if he might have feelings for someone else and doesn't want a relationship with me? Shouldn't he be talking to this new girl instead? I'm so confused...

[friend4u178]

Yes he is feeling guilty , that's just normal when you dump someone and don't want them to dislike you.

Don't listen to all the words about how he Loves you etc. If he really loved you he wouldn't be leaving. Go with his actions , and they clearly state he doesn't wish to be with you at present.

As for still being friends I suggest you don't , what happens is you get stuck with false hope at the smallest little signs and you don't get moving with the healing process. Do you really still want to be at this stage in 3-6 months or so.

No Contact is the way to go for now , and if its meant to be later down the track so be it.

I wish you luck!

[talaniman]

He is trying to keep things on good terms, and be as gentle as he can, but his mind is made up, and its time to stop being confused by words, and deal with the reality of his actions. He is nicely moving you out of his life.

[liz28]

Not only does he sounds gulity but confused about life. Usually when someone breaks up with someone they give you the whole "it's not you but me speech". Even though he might have promised you a car, car rides, and money, don't count on it. You still have feelings for him but need to heal yourself. Don't be his friend when you still want him back and because he's going through things, he's a big boy and should be able to work them out. Hearing his problems will only make you feel sorry for him and maybe do things you don' want to do. Of course he feels lonely and might have no one to talk to, but what about you and your feeling and how your coping? Let him solve his own problems and deal with the mess he made. In the meantime you focus on yourself and your life and most of all heal yourself by working towards getting over him. Maybe down the road your can be friends but not right now. If you be even try to continue being friends as soon as he starts sleeping or being with someone else, you'll be mad and sad. As mention early no contact is good for now, once you can be around him without thinking of your getting back together then you know that's you're over him. Again, at the time being your not.