[BetrayalBtCamp]

See, it's good that you are taking a good look at your personal history & acknowledging the strength you have to make things different for yourself.

Wanting to make a signifant change is challenging, the more resources you can use to help you do that the better a lot of times, such as this site or God. Recognizing the need for change is a giant first step in the right direction. I commend you for being able to do that.

To stop will not be easy or automatic but it is doable & you know you have a lot of experience in saying this needs to stop & making that happen. All you need to do is to commit to taking it one step at a time & putting into place the things you need for the best odds of success. The thought of it being something you want to do will not disappear over night, but your commitment to stop being put into action can get you through those times if you stick to your guns.

I'd be glad to help any way I can, so you're welcome to contact me anytime (no charge). I do have a ton of great relationship articles & exercises including Christian sources I'd be happy to send you guys.

Hang in there!

PS: Here is a list of books that might help & be a good starting place:

The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (Gary Chapman)

The Five Languages of Apology: How to Experience Healing in All Your Relationships (Gary Chapman)

Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples (Harville Hendrix)

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country's Foremost Relationship Expert (John Gottman)

Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: America's Love Lab Experts Share Their Strategies for Strengthening Your Relationship (John Gottman)

The Truth About Love: The Highs, the Lows, & How You Can Make It Last Forever (Dr. Patricia Love)

Passionate Marriage: Keeping Love and Intimacy Alive in Committed Relationships (David Schnarch)

7 Stages of Marriage: Laughter, Intimacy and Passion Today, Tomorrow, Forever: Rita M. DeMaria, Sari Harrar

The Marriage Benefit: The Surprising Rewards of Staying Together (Mark O'Connell)

The 10 Second Kiss (Ellen Kreidman)

How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking about It (Steven Stosny)

[xoxaprilwine]

If you don't want to do it anymore just say it... end of story! I do understand why the divine is mentioned in many posts as he is a major support but ultimately it boils down to you and whether you truly want the support and change your current situation. If your partner does not want to stop; he simply won't. If he loves you he will respect your decision and support you. You can't move on in life like this it will hurt you and your relationship down the road, this is not constructive for your relationship or yourself esteem as someone previously posted "your not a door mat" so give yourself some respect. Let us know how it goes, best of luck!

[Ash123]

Based on what you have said: bisexual interest, abuse by trusted figures and chronic depression and thoughts of suicide I'd say:
1. You have proven you are strong.
2. You are conflicted
3. The feelings you have are only going to make your depression worse

Chronic depression is a lifelong battle and it brings things WITH it (like your current situation) that are short "fixes" to feel a rush of good feelings and excitement... then comes the crash. I think a therapist could help you get over the finish line and then find longer term happiness since you are planning to stop and find a way to stay content with a little less... excitement.

[Alty]

Okay all, some comic relief.

My suggestion, the next time you bring a women home for you and your husband to enjoy, instead of having sex, have a prayer session instead. You're the one that brought God into this, so that's my advice.

Really though, you have a problem, an obvious sexual obsession, it's time to get counselling or risk losing your marriage.

Good luck.

[Choux]

I would think probably you and your husband need to find many interests in life... maybe you are too focused on sex? You kind of sound like lost souls to me... in the hell of sexual predators.

Work, sports, hobbies, intellectual interests, serving others... live your life outside of your house doing stuff unrelated to sex. That is my opinion. I think you will need support to turn around your lives, though.

Best wishes going forward,

[Ash123]

I think the confusion here is that you have a desire and feel an act to satisfy it, and don't know what to do. That's your dilemma. The issue is that thinking about something is a fantasy but acting on it is another thing entirely. For example... Wanting to kill your boss is a thought that can pop into anyone's head-but actually doing it-to say the least-has entirely different consequences.and your depression and identity issues are making this tougher to decide and see consequences. I could say "just stop" but you know its not that easy so it takes work to understand self destructive behavior. And again a qucik fix is less likely than the benefit of an understanding therapist.