[wallawalla]

Thank you wallawalla, I know you're right :( What really adds insult to injury though is- he can't be bothered to see me-yet, he stays at his ex girlfriend's house 24.7-the one he was still in love with going out with me, the one he cheated on me with. VERY HURTFUL :(

I know how hard it is. I am in the process of recovering from a breakup. I think that what kept me strong and prevented me from contacting him for 50 days are the negative things that I remember about him. I think it is a blessing. It helps you not want to go back to those negative things. Sad, but you should be glad that it is over and you don't have to face it again.

However, I do still love him. That in itself is not wrong. It is much worse hating someone than loving someone.

If you feel hate, your mind goes into this mode that makes you think about doing bad things to him. At the end of the day, you will regret to have done that. It is your regret and not his when you do bad things to him.

So I'd say love your ex and let it go; like you would if you had a child. If you love your child, you have to let it go and let it go on--on his/her own term.

God Bless...

[jpm247]

Yeh i know what u mean andrew, at the minute im surrounded by alot of friends, im always busy and my career has really taken an upturn, not to mention the odd other woman but when im alone (eg before bed or in the morning) theres this horrible feeling of emptiness inside. Things were great, but since meetin my ex a couple of weeks back its brought all the feelings up again. Its a real tribute to nc contact really.

A while back, a mate of mine who recently split up from a 5yr relationship jokingly said to me (about relationships) "if the fruit's gone bad, throw it in the bin". It sounds dumb but the weird thing is that its true, you can't magicly make it fresh and tasty again, so the only thing to do is to bin it. Its true with relationships as well i think; if its gone past the point of no return, throw it away. Granted, this metaphor is flawed cos not all relationships "go bad", but for all those that want "closure" there is nothing you can do about it, move on. Its hard to take at first but there's always... ahem... i hate to say this... plenty more fish in the sea. If they wanna make it work they can come crawling back to you.

Great point jammy. If the fruit has gone bad, no amount of injecting it with passion or effort from one side will make it better. Waste of time. Move onto another tree with richer pickings. I keep telling myself that.

Day 1 of NC again. This time it I for good. Got to beat 101 days, determined this time!

[hjpan]

So how is everyone doing?

[Shadowburn]

So how is everyone doing?

10 days after breakup. I left him because there was no future for us together, so I was a mean dumper. But I had to protect myself from deeper involvement.
5 days of NC, then he called saying I looked sad when he saw me at work. We made a small talk.
This morning he texted, wishing me happy birthday.
Back to NC.

[hjpan]

10 days after breakup. I left him because there was no future for us together, so I was a mean dumper. But I had to protect myself from deeper involvement.
5 days of NC, then he called saying I looked sad when he saw me at work. We made a small talk.
This morning he texted, wishing me happy birthday.
Back to NC.

Good for you for standing strong =]!

[Shadowburn]

I printed out that post "what to expect when you got dumped" from the stickies, and reading it over and over, it is so well put and gives a perspective to the whole break up thing.
I want to slap myself every time my hand reaches over for the phone. I want to call him so bad. It would be so easy, because I was the one who left. But I can't go back on his terms. It is not happening. He knows what he has to do in order for us to be together. Unless he really does it, there will be no coming back.
I miss him, and want to tell him how much I miss him, and I can't, and it makes me miss him more:(
This whole NC is so cruel, but I can't wait some time to look back and tell myself - wow! I really did it!

[jiltedgirl]

I printed out that post "what to expect when you got dumped" from the stickies, and reading it over and over, it is so well put and gives a perspective to the whole break up thing.
I want to slap myself every time my hand reaches over for the phone. I want to call him so bad. It would be so easy, because I was the one who left. But I can't go back on his terms. It is not happening. He knows what he has to do in order for us to be together. Unless he really does it, there will be no coming back.
I miss him, and want to tell him how much I miss him, and I can't, and it makes me miss him more:(
This whole NC is so cruel, but I can't wait some time to look back and tell myself - wow! I really did it!

Hey Shadowburn,

I've been there, done that. I know where you're coming from. I agree. Sometimes, it's worse when you're the one who leaves, not because you stopped liking the person, but because you couldn't continue on "his terms," as you put it. God knows how many times I've picked up the phone and called, when I shouldn't have. It never accomplishes anything though. It's still over and you don't want to get back together with him. I'm glad you realize this and are acting on this knowledge.

Don't worry. You'll get through it with time, slowly, but surely. You'll be surprised one day when you realize you're over it. :)

Best,
J

[wallawalla]

I printed out that post "what to expect when you got dumped" from the stickies, and reading it over and over, it is so well put and gives a perspective to the whole break up thing.
I want to slap myself every time my hand reaches over for the phone. I want to call him so bad. It would be so easy, because I was the one who left. But I can't go back on his terms. It is not happening. He knows what he has to do in order for us to be together. Unless he really does it, there will be no coming back.
I miss him, and want to tell him how much I miss him, and I can't, and it makes me miss him more:(
This whole NC is so cruel, but I can't wait some time to look back and tell myself - wow! I really did it!

You know, one thing for sure is that once you are there where you feel good, you probably don't want to go back there because you don't want that pain anymore. I am there now where I just don't want to go back feeling that pain. It's been 52 days of NC. I feel down in the morning a little. But it's only 3 or 4 hours of the entire day. So it's getting less and less.

So, you will get there. Just believe in time and faith.

[hjpan]

Well, I started my first week of advanced schooling... there is a pretty cute girl who looks at me once in a while but I am deciding not to pursue her. It seems to me she has a boyfriend cause she texts a lot on her phone....

Besides that, I got hired right off the chart as a courtesy clerk/bag boy~

whatever... atleast I'll make about $500 to $600/month and save up for a car

[jpm247]

You know, one thing for sure is that once you are there where you feel good, you probably dont want to go back there because you dont want that pain anymore. I am there now where I just dont want to go back feeling that pain. It's been 52 days of NC. I feel down in the morning a little. But it's only 3 or 4 hours of the entire day. So it's getting less and less.

So, you will get there. Just believe in time and faith.

I think your right. I'm looking forward to feeling better again. Its amazing how tired all this process makes you feel. I am mentally shot, all that thinking. Then you try and think about not thinking, and you think some more. I do keep active and get out as much as I can, but I think I struggle with trying to find a replacement, when I shouldn't, I should just be happy being me.

Main problem is that I was so happy with my ex, I haven't been truly happy since we split and that was 9 months ago. Just feel like there is something missing.

I imagine that only time and lots of NC will get me out to the other side.

Keep going everyone

[Shadowburn]

You know, one thing for sure is that once you are there where you feel good, you probably dont want to go back there because you dont want that pain anymore. I am there now where I just dont want to go back feeling that pain. It's been 52 days of NC. I feel down in the morning a little. But it's only 3 or 4 hours of the entire day. So it's getting less and less.

So, you will get there. Just believe in time and faith.

That's why I left. I chose the pain to be without him over the pain to be with him. I have better days and worse days (yesterday was a better day), sometimes I start to feel like myself again, before our relationship started. That is my goal, to get things where they were before. And as much as I miss him, I don't want to go back and suffer all over again.

52 days of NC, wow. Keep going!

[jpm247]

Great work on 52 days,

I got to 101 then collapsed, big mistake! Keep with the NC!

[Shadowburn]

great work on 52 days,

i got to 101 then collapsed, big mistake! keep with the NC!

jpm247, what happened? Did you contact her or she did and you just answered the phone?
I answered my phone when he called the day before yesterday just to be civil. Made a small talk and that was it.

[wallawalla]

i think your right. im looking forward to feeling better again. its amazing how tired all this process makes you feel. i am mentally shot, all that thinking. Then you try and think about not thinking, and you think some more. I do keep active and get out as much as i can, but i think i struggle with trying to find a replacement, when i shouldn't, i should just be happy being me.

Main problem is that i was so happy with my ex, i haven't been truly happy since we split and that was 9 months ago. Just feel like there is something missing.

I imagine that only time and lots of NC will get me out to the other side.

keep going everyone

9 months! Did you contact him/her in between? I don't mean to sound pejorative, but I would think you would have long forgotten about her. That's too long!

[hjpan]

All I know is my ex is in SF and I wouldn't want to see her face when I'm in a club =/

[lovepolis]

I had a 30 day NC and all of a sudden, th ex message me on msn. Say "hi..." With two attempts on different days Sunday and then Monday again. The third attempt on tues he said "hi..." and "how's your day" I just say hi. And he started asking me questions about my family and when my bro is getting married. How is my work and stuff. And he even went to my Facebook page to look at my graduation pictures and told me that it was nice. I was with my ex for 6 years by the way and we broke up because we had different views and he was too close to another girl to my liking. And I know after our break up he continued to go out with her. Not so sure if they are together.

Third attempt:

Him:hi...
Him:hows your day
Me after like 10 mins:hi
Me: actually I don't think I want to talk to you at the moment
Him: oh I am sorry...
Him: then when do you think we can talk again?
Me:i am not sure
Him: can I say hi once in a while?
Me: I am tired
Me:goodnight. Bye.

Last I heard he was sick... like having a bad fever cough and flu for many days... heard from a friend of his.. and that's why he wanted to contact me again.

5 days later:
He texted me:
Hi, a sms to say hi..
Hope everything fine... take care of yourself. Night

What is he up to? Apparently from his Facebook.. I saw that he's been living the life he has always wanted... clubbing... getting a lot of attention from girls and etc.

I ignore his text.

What should I do guys? I hate him! He kind of left me for someone else and even told me straight in my face that he is going to find another girl who has the same character as him.
He kept saying I am conservative and sensitive.

He hurt me bad

[wallawalla]

i had a 30 day NC and all of a sudden, th ex msg me on msn. say "hi..." With two attempts on different days sunday and then monday again. The third attempt on tues he said "hi..." and "how's your day" i just say hi. And he started asking me questions about my family and when my bro is getting married. how is my work and stuff. And he even went to my facebook page to look at my graduation pictures and told me that it was nice. I was with my ex for 6 years by the way and we broke up because we had different views and he was too close to another girl to my liking. And i know after our break up he continued to go out with her. Not so sure if they are together.

third attempt:

him:hi...
him:hows your day
me after like 10 mins:hi
me: actually i dont think i want to talk to you at the moment
him: oh i am sorry...
him: then when do you think we can talk again?
me:i am not sure
him: can i say hi once in a while?
me: i am tired
me:goodnight. bye.

last i heard he was sick...like having a bad fever cough n flu for many days...heard from a friend of his.. and thats why he wanted to contact me again.

5 days later:
he texted me:
hi, jus a sms to say hi..
hope everything fine...take care of yourself. night

what is he up to? apparently from his facebook..i saw that hes been living the life he has always wanted...clubbing...getting a lot of attention from girls n etc.

i ignore his text.

what should i do guys? i hate him! he kinda left me for someone else and even told me straight in my face that he is going to find another girl who has the same character as him.
he kept saying i am conservative n sensitive.

he hurt me bad

It's hard. I can only speak from my heart, but that may differ from yours. Most in this forum will tell you to move on. However, you have to be true to yourself first and then to others. I think if you dig deeper into your heart, you know what you want without any compromise. The reason why you are asking us for an answer is that you just want to us to solidify your belief.

I know exactly what you are going through because I am there with you. What I can say to you is this, you are not entirely healed. As such, any decision that you make now will be irrational. So here is my take: ask him if he wants reconciliation. If he does, then tell him to wait until you are healed. That's the least he can do to win you back. If he cannot wait, then I'd say it was not meant to be.

You have to be healed and forgive what he said or have done. This is the basic of humanity. Look at the big picture. If the world is filled with hatred and unforgiveness, we will always have war. So you have to forgive and let it go. And then, your love might just be saved. It's the only big thing that you can do. I'd say never ever make someone feel little.

So ignoring is one thing, but be fair to that person.

[jammyb]

Walla, you pretty much hit the nail on the head there, except for the fact that forgiving is easier said than done. By the sounds of it I was in EXACTLY the same situation as lovepolis, and I still really hate my ex (to be honest). Maybe one day I'll forgive her, but for now I'm happy to just never speak to her again and live in the knowledge that what goes around comes around. I think the thing you need to remember is that some relationships just aren't meant to be, and breakups happen, but I'd also say it's the dumpee's prerogative to look after themselves. Therefore, screw the dumpers feelings, they made that choice when they decided to split up. Its part of the package to feel guilty when you play with a person's feelings. In terms of how to heel, go out and spend time with your friends/family and keep busy so you don't fall into the trap of contacting him. It's a times like these that people make some their biggest achievements; nothings a better motivator than that immense feeling of inadequacy that follows a breakup. It WILL get easier, and it'll probably be a lot quicker than you think.

p.s. sorry if that got a bit emotional

[hjpan]

i had a 30 day NC and all of a sudden, th ex msg me on msn. say "hi..." With two attempts on different days sunday and then monday again. The third attempt on tues he said "hi..." and "how's your day" i just say hi. And he started asking me questions about my family and when my bro is getting married. how is my work and stuff. And he even went to my facebook page to look at my graduation pictures and told me that it was nice. I was with my ex for 6 years by the way and we broke up because we had different views and he was too close to another girl to my liking. And i know after our break up he continued to go out with her. Not so sure if they are together.

third attempt:

him:hi...
him:hows your day
me after like 10 mins:hi
me: actually i dont think i want to talk to you at the moment
him: oh i am sorry...
him: then when do you think we can talk again?
me:i am not sure
him: can i say hi once in a while?
me: i am tired
me:goodnight. bye.

last i heard he was sick...like having a bad fever cough n flu for many days...heard from a friend of his.. and thats why he wanted to contact me again.

5 days later:
he texted me:
hi, jus a sms to say hi..
hope everything fine...take care of yourself. night

what is he up to? apparently from his facebook..i saw that hes been living the life he has always wanted...clubbing...getting a lot of attention from girls n etc.

i ignore his text.

what should i do guys? i hate him! he kinda left me for someone else and even told me straight in my face that he is going to find another girl who has the same character as him.
he kept saying i am conservative n sensitive.

he hurt me bad

What a douch3 bag... he left you for another girl?

Pffft~ delete him from Facebook...
After all, he's a shallow jack@ss... claiming he's being clubbing & getting attention?
That doesn't impress me. I'll be impressed if he said "I'm working as a manager for *insert company*."

[Boristheblade]

i think your right. im looking forward to feeling better again. its amazing how tired all this process makes you feel. i am mentally shot, all that thinking. Then you try and think about not thinking, and you think some more. I do keep active and get out as much as i can, but i think i struggle with trying to find a replacement, when i shouldn't, i should just be happy being me.

Main problem is that i was so happy with my ex, i haven't been truly happy since we split and that was 9 months ago. Just feel like there is something missing.

I imagine that only time and lots of NC will get me out to the other side.

keep going everyone

I know how you feel, I was telling my friend how I was exhausted just from thinking about him and things allll the time. Like, no matter what I did. I also thought, like you, that someone to fill the gap would make things better. Also the not being truly happy-it does feel like that doesn't it? "When something good happens it doesn't feel as good, like I'm missing some happy part of me"(Coach Carter) It's so true... but... I'm just starting to get better, not thinking about things ALLLLL the time and it feels so much better! I know time will make me think about it less and not feel sad thinking about him and his ex together. So hang in there! X