[confused1650]

My story is similar to others, but rather confusing at the same time. My girlfriend and I dated for almost 3 years. About 3 months ago I was graduating college and really confused about my future and saw that it was stressing the relationship. My girlfriend decided to finally force me to talk and decided to end things because we didn't communicate well. I admit that I took her for granted and didn't tell her I loved her enough. We have been through a lot, even went to italy together for about 3 weeks for a short study abroad experience. Since we broke up I figured it was just another break, I waited a couple weeks and wanted to start to patch things up, but she considered us over. I really messed up and now realize how much I want to be with her and want to marry her. I decided to try to fix things about 2 months ago by sending her a dozen roses and had a conversation with her about how I had changed and I would never hurt her again. Since then I have been trying to show her that I can love her in the way that she wants and that I have changed. She is in a state of confusion as well since she is starting her senior year of college, and in the middle of a very stressful situation figuring out if she has a job with the company she loves and whether she can study abroad. 2 weeks ago she was leaving town and told me that she loved me before she got on the plane at the airport. Things seemed to be going well, but when she got back and there was more stress added to her job situation she began to push back again. Last week I decided to give her space and so far it seems to be helping. She called me to talk about work and stuff. The next day I left her favorite flower and a card that told her that I'd "support her no matter where life takes her" at her house because she had a big interview at work. It turned out that she didn't get very good news and when she got home and saw the flower she started crying and immediately called me to tell me about work and also because the flower meant so much to her after a bad day, she also called her mom and told her about the flower and also showed her roomates... I still want to give her space and not talk about us, so I took her to eat and told her that I realized she needed space and that she knows how I feel. I told her the best thing for us would be for me to give her space and to start by working on our friendship and she agreed to that. The next day I didn't hear from her, but today she sent me a picture of the flower in the morning with a message that said "good morning sunshine". It seems like a good sign, and she might hang out with me this weekend. My biggest fear is that she just expects to be friends and nothing more... or that she doesn't have the heart to tell me that we don't have a future or something. Over the past few months she hasn't given me any confirmation that she sees a future for us, but at the same time hasn't said that there isn't. How do I give her space and work on our friendship and still let her know that my intentions are toward rebuilding our relationship and a future together? So far I've been using the strategy that if she loves me she will come back to me... so I'm kind of just waiting and not talking to her unless she talks to me. Should I wait to talk about our relationship until she brings it up? Who knows how long that could be and I don't want her to think that I think it's fine to see other people... however if I said that it might push her away and seem like I'm jealous or something. Help!

[confused1650]

My story is similar to others, but rather confusing at the same time. My girlfriend and I dated for almost 3 years. about 3 months ago I was graduating college and really confused about my future and saw that it was stressing the relationship. My girlfriend decided to finally force me to talk and decided to end things because we didn't communicate well. I admit that I took her for granted and didn't tell her I loved her enough. We have been through a lot, even went to italy together for about 3 weeks for a short study abroad experience. Since we broke up I figured it was just another break, I waited a couple weeks and wanted to start to patch things up, but she considered us over. I really messed up and now realize how much I want to be with her and want to marry her. I decided to try to fix things about 2 months ago by sending her a dozen roses and had a conversation with her about how I had changed and I would never hurt her again. Since then I have been trying to show her that I can love her in the way that she wants and that I have changed. She is in a state of confusion as well since she is starting her senior year of college, and in the middle of a very stressful situation figuring out if she has a job with the company she loves and whether she can study abroad. 2 weeks ago she was leaving town and told me that she loved me before she got on the plane at the airport. Things seemed to be going well, but when she got back and there was more stress added to her job situation she began to push back again. Last week I decided to give her space and so far it seems to be helping. She called me to talk about work and stuff. The next day I left her favorite flower and a card that told her that I'd "support her no matter where life takes her" at her house because she had a big interview at work. It turned out that she didn't get very good news and when she got home and saw the flower she started crying and immediately called me to tell me about work and also because the flower meant so much to her after a bad day, she also called her mom and told her about the flower and also showed her roomates.... I still want to give her space and not talk about us, so I took her to eat and told her that I realized she needed space and that she knows how I feel. I told her the best thing for us would be for me to give her space and to start by working on our friendship and she agreed to that. The next day I didn't hear from her, but today she sent me a picture of the flower in the morning with a message that said "good morning sunshine". It seems like a good sign, and she might hang out with me this weekend. My biggest fear is that she just expects to be friends and nothing more...or that she doesn't have the heart to tell me that we don't have a future or something. Over the past few months she hasn't given me any confirmation that she sees a future for us, but at the same time hasn't said that there isn't. How do I give her space and work on our friendship and still let her know that my intentions are toward rebuilding our relationship and a future together? So far I've been using the strategy that if she loves me she will come back to me... so I'm kind of just waiting and not talking to her unless she talks to me. Should I wait to talk about our relationship until she brings it up? who knows how long that could be and I don't want her to think that I think it's fine to see other people...however if I said that it might push her away and seem like I'm jealous or something. Help!

Does anyone have any advice?? Does this sound like a relationship that can be mended?

[talaniman]

Now that you have realized your mistake you can correct them. So leaving talk of the future on the shelf, and rebuild faith, and trust, and show her you care even on the bad days. Go slowly and relight the fire, and have a great time doing it.

That's the whole key, No pressure, and keep your cool, You can't expect it to all go back the way it was like magic, so be patient, and willing to do the work to develop communications, better than they were before.

[Ivory0921]

Just take it easy for now. From the looks of it - you're on the right track. Rebuild your relationship through this so-called friendship the two of you have. Don't rush things.

[Ithappenstoall]

“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness. But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.”

[BetrayalBtCamp]

Right now you seem to be on the right track & to keep doing that will be hard because you want things to be more settled. But you know she is going through a stressful time & the more friendly you can be without pressure, the more loving she will be able to be with you.

To push your agenda on her is not loving, that's you selfishly wanting only what works for you & she's made it clear that doesn't work for her. To let her come to you when she's ready for that, is a very loving thing especially when it's one baby step after another.

At this point you still have a large part of her heart, if you push too hard it will only close to you & then you will be even more unhappy & even more unlikely to get back together.

So figure out ways like you did with the flower to be there for her without being in her face. Send her a nice ecard every couple of days & wait for her to call you for example. Learn to be a good friend to her in the way she needs now, & it will strengthen the relationship when you win her back completely, which I hope does happen.

[HelpSkippy]

Repair yourself, not the relationship.