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geenta06 · Aug 27, 2008, 12:33 AM

I have a question about my husband whom I've been with now for 4 years and some of his behaviors are just really blowing my mind! I am his 5th marriage yes I know should have been a clue for me but his first wife he married twice and with her has 2 girls but she abandoned them and cheated on him which he divorced her. His third wife he was with for 8 years and they have a son together, that ended in divorce because he said she constatly accused him of cheating on her and come to find out it was her doing the cheating. His 4th wife according to him he didn't really love at all but she showed him attention that he was needing at the time but that marriage didn't even last a year! With me he has left me now 4 times and of all those times it was for dumb reasons which later didn't even make sense to him either. He has some strange behaviors during the times he leaves he becomes so cold towards me and says hurtful things that later he takes back and regrets saying and usually he calls me within a week of leaving realizing he made a mistake. I could be wrong but I know he has trust issues and I think he is scared of anything when it is going good because he is afraid he will loose it cause that is always what happened to him before. He is also now in his early 40s and I wondering if anyone could shed some light as to what his problem might be and if it could be like a mid life crisis thing? He won't go to a counselor which I feel he really needs to but he tends to get offended if you bring that up plus he hasn't the money to do so.

Gentile_leo · Aug 27, 2008, 12:53 AM

Sounds to me like you already know the answer. Ask yourself why you are'nt more honest with yourself confronting such behaviors. May be better to shed light on Why you indulge his "behavior" ; which really is a character issue for him. Please seek counseling for yourself.

amermonstarsgir · Aug 27, 2008, 05:35 PM

I don't know why men do some of the things they do. I think that some of them are very stubborn and hard headed and this causes a lot of fights between us and them. But then again I think it's a trust issue or maybe some other mental problem. For example, my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years never any other boyfriends for me or girlfriends for him, we have been together since high school. Sometimes our personalities just clash and we have aweful fights usually ending with him breaking something and one of us leaving for a few hours. But that doesn't mean we don't love each other just we sometimes can't get along. We'll talk a few hours later and what happened was usually over something stupid. I think he has some mental issues with his parents that make him this way. His dad was killed in a car accident when he was 6 and his mom didn't really take care of him. He was one of those that was raised by the grandparents not parents. So your husband may have some mental problems like that going on with him due to his wives and the children. Taking on children to raise is not something that men usually do. This is what my boyfriend told me after one of our fights, "everyone fights and the ones who say they dont, dont usually last." The point is that everybody fights and argues with their significant others people just don't get along sometimes. That doesn't mean they don't love each other but they just simply did get along on something.

amermonstarsgir · Aug 27, 2008, 05:47 PM

Also, is your husband very nervous all the time or have bad nerves? My boyfrined saw a doctor over that and you would be surprised how much a small dose of medicine can do to someone like that. My boyfriend is very high strung is what many people call it and sometimes he would get nervous for no reason at all. The doctor put him on something called Buspar and it calms him down and he doesn't get irratated and we don't have very many arguments now. So if you wanted your husband to see a counselor try this first because my boyfriend wouldn't see a counselor either and it really did help.

geenta06 · Aug 27, 2008, 07:53 PM

Originally Posted by amermonstarsgir

Also, is your husband very nervous all the time or have bad nerves? my boyfrined saw a doctor over that and you would be surprised how much a small dose of medicine can do to someone like that. My boyfriend is very high strung is what many people call it and sometimes he would get nervous for no reason at all. The doctor put him on something called Buspar and it calms him down and he doesnt get irratated and we dont have very many arguements now. so if you wanted your husband to see a counselor try this first because my boyfriend wouldnt see a counselor either and it really did help.

My husband is a diabetic and being nervous does come with this sometimes... he does get nervous and when he gets like that he is very irritable and doesn't want to be touched or bothered but its not all the time that he goes to that extreme. Thanks so much to all of you who have replied it is greatly appreciated a lot.