[jojo114]

Well lately I've been having a little problem no not little pretty big actually,my friends don't want to stop thinking and caring so much about what people think if them. I try telling them that people don't care about what they have on , how they look or what they do. That people have their own life to care about, but it seems no matter what I do my friends are still very insecure about peoples thoughts even though it shouldn't matter. I think the fact of being around them so much is making me think that what people say is so scary and bad and that I should be afraid of it, I'm not sure how to stop thinking like that, and I don't know why my friends think like that either they are really pretty and have good personalities ,so I clearly don't know what the problem is? Can anyone help me or give me some good advicee, plzzz:)

[Solaxys]

Haha insecurity, and self-consciousness are a part of life, jojo.
There is no real way of getting around it, and you shouldn't try to, if your mind keeps pulling you back.
Cause then you'll be more messed up.

If you truly do not want to care about what other people say, then just set it in your mind.
Regardless of what your friends believe, you won't be able to change them until you have set it right in your mind yourself.

For further help, I need to know what grade or type of school you are in.

[Fr_Chuck]

Actually people do care and people ( in general) do judge you by what you wear. You wear old clothes looking like a hood member or bum and the store security will follow you around, or the clerk may be slow to wait on you. You wear nice clothes and you will be waited on a lot easier.

You go for a job, poorly dressed, most likely you don't get a job.

I am walking down the street, I see three "preppy" young men, no issue, I see 3 hoodlum looking young men, I may cross the street to not walk past them.

So yes, people do judge you to a point by how you dress.

[jojo114]

Haha insecurity, and self-consciousness are a part of life, jojo.
There is no real way of getting around it, and you shouldn't try to, if your mind keeps pulling you back.
Cause then you'll be more messed up.

If you truly do not want to care about what other people say, then just set it in your mind.
Regardless of what your friends believe, you won't be able to change them until you have set it right in your mind yourself.

For further help, I need to know what grade or type of school you are in.

Hey I'm in public school grade 10

[DrLang]

No matter how you look at it, this is a hard topic to deal with. The fact is that at your age, this is a common and difficult challenge to deal with. The only solution that I know of is to become comfortable and confident in who you are as a person. This is something that can take years. The best I can suggest is to tell your friends to keep their chins up. Take comfort in the fact that pretty much all of the drama and social skills that you will deal with in high school do not translate to the real-world after you graduate. High school/middle school is a weird brutal world that totally different than what you will have to deal with for the rest of your life afterwards.

[Solaxys]

So high school.

Well this is an area where it's all uphill in terms of people and their thoughts on you.
While FR Chuck is right in a sense, it all depends on you, do you look inside out or outside in?
What I mean by that is, do you care about what you think and put it out, and do you absorb what other people do and take it in.

By the looks of what you wrote, you are the former.
So the best thing to do here is, be yourself.
I know that's easier said than done, but it's the only thing you can do.
Have confidence on who you are, how you present yourself, and move forward.
If people like you, they like you, and if they don't, well too bad for them.

As for your friends, they are different than you. You really can't enforce new ideas and aspects on them just because you think they are right. They have their opinions and beliefs too.
And as I said before, sometimes people don't want to escape their insecurity and self-consciousness, perhaps because they find themselves to be happy there.
Happy to know others are thinking well about them.

So all I suggest is think of yourself, and if you lay a firm foot down, perhaps your friends will idolize you and escape the clutches of insecurity and la di da.
If they don't, at least you will know who you are.

[N0help4u]

My bet is that they are overly concerned and want to have the 'Look at me I am a Princess' personality and the last thing they need to do is worry about their looks.
Sort of like the 90 lb anorexic that is afraid she is fat.
You need to realize balance. While you don't want to look shabby, dirty or like a hood thug you also don't need the 'I'm too good for anybody' look either. Find something you are comfortable with and don't care what others think. Many people are just shallow and I say if you aren't good enough for them then you don't need them.

[talaniman]

Knowing, and loving yourself, and being happy with who you, is the best edge to have against the cruelty of others. Being a good person, and extending that love to others, not only helps them, but you also.