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Angelina1979 · Aug 27, 2008, 11:49 AM

My Husband and I have been having threesomes for about 6 years and we love them, but we feel abnormal and want to stop. We think that we our not following God's way. We have tried before to stop, but we always go back to it. When it's just me and my husband it's boring and I am not as horny and if he's lucky we'll have sex twice a month. He would prefer if it was just him and I having sex 3 times a week rather than having threesomes with girls. I initiate it and he doesn't want to do it at all. I really want to stop but I don't know how?? :confused:

babe72 · Aug 27, 2008, 12:09 PM

If you no that it's not God's way than prayer on it and ask God to guide you the right way. The bible does say woman summit to your husbands. That doesn't mean be a door mat either.

MrEasy · Aug 27, 2008, 01:46 PM

Angelina, you said you and your husband love threesomes but later you say he doesn't want to at all. What happened recently to cause him to change? Are the threesomes always with another girl or sometimes another man? It sounds like you are more into them than he is.
I can understand this is something that is extremely sensual and has appealed to you for six years. After that much time, it's hard to reprogram how we think and respond. Just like men who get addicted to porn, it takes time to relearn how to respond to a real woman. You will have to reprogram your thoughts and desires toward him instead of others.
You do have something positive going for you and that is your husband. It appears that he wants a closer more intimate relationship with you and only you. Concentrate on him and how fortunate you are to be so loved. While most men would love to have multiple partners with his wife's blessing, he wants to be committed to you and feel you are committed to him. That's the way God designed marriage. Once you're fully committed to each other only, the guilt will be gone. Also, find a good church and surround yourselves with people who are in monogamos marriages.

Angelina1979 · Aug 27, 2008, 02:36 PM

Yes it is me who wants it not him. I'm the one who wanted it. He never asked nor asks for it, but like most men if he sees that I brought home a woman for us he will not say no. However, he doesn't initiate it. The threesomes are only with women. My husband only wants me he says he does not need another woman. I fulfill all his desires.

MrEasy · Aug 27, 2008, 02:55 PM

You are a very lucky woman. I'm sure he likewise wants to be the one who fulfills all your desires. Your husband may feel insecure in your commitment to him. Were you bisexual before you married your husband or was this a fantasy that once played out became a habit?

Ash123 · Aug 27, 2008, 03:12 PM

Are you sexually interested in your husband?

Synnen · Aug 27, 2008, 04:22 PM

If you don't want to do it anymore, you JUST STOP.

Period.

Then you focus on your husband and make HIM the center of your fantasies.

If that isn't working, you will need to see a counselor.

Fr_Chuck · Aug 27, 2008, 05:38 PM

First don't even start with the God bull. If you had a real faith and really wanted to follow God there is no way you would get back into bed with a threesome, sorry, you are doing what you want, and willl not stop till you get ready to do it.

Next it is a habit now, and it may take some months ifyou can ever get things back to normal, many sexual perversions ruin a normal relationship.

N0help4u · Aug 27, 2008, 06:01 PM

If it is because you feel God doesn't approve then follow the saying Draw closer to God and he will draw closer to you. A family that prays together stays together. You are weak in your flesh desires and it is normal to have a hard time breaking old habits. So you need to work toward your goal and resist temptation. Figure out ways to make it more interesting with your husband. Get counseling to help stop. Maybe even a Priest/Pastor that is good at marriage counselling.

Ash123 · Aug 27, 2008, 06:01 PM

I'm not 100% sure this is a genuine post...

... but if so, refocus on your husband. And remember what made you excited to marry him.

Xrayman · Aug 27, 2008, 07:42 PM

If you no that it's not God's way than prayer on it and ask God to guide you the right way. The bible does say woman summit to your husbands. That doesn't mean be a door mat either.

Oh dear.

I concur, drop the god rubbish and stop trying to look towards religion to justify/not justify your want for threesomes-to me your man is VERY understanding-he is doing something that he says he does not want to do. That should be reason enough to stop.

If the shoe was on the other foot, I'm sure that there would be an outrage that you as a woman were forced to partake in threesomes against your will...

Just stop it.

BetrayalBtCamp · Aug 27, 2008, 09:55 PM

It's not easy to stop any habit or established pattern of behavior. It can be done, but it takes converting what is automatic and/or easy to do. It's hard to shift into a different way of doing things, even when you know the benefits of the change are many. So it's understandable even on that level, why it's hard for you to stop. Threesomes have worked for you for a long time in whatever way they have & been enjoyable. Trying to stop hasn't worked so well for a variety of reasons such as not having to develop intimacy skills sexually with just each other in the way that could have been done if you hadn't gotten sidetracked. If you guys have been doing this for 6 yrs, then it's easy to understand why shifting gears to one on one sex is an issue.

If you only had 24 hrs left with this man who has loved you that much, that long, & would only be able to cherish him emotionally, physically, heart to heart, soul to soul, one last time, would the sex be boring as you REALLY looked at each other eye to eye into the deepest depth of all you are & will be, feeling each other's heartbeat, hearing each breath you each take as you hold hands & feel every pore of each loving you at the same time you love back? You never know how much time we have.

Treat each other as if you only have this one day to make love to each other, with & without your clothes on, minute by minute as best you each can & it wouldn't be boring at all but an extremely rewarding exercise in learning how to truly love & be loved by each other, & ONLY each other at that.

Learn to appreciate what you two uniquely have & are together, stop having 3some sex at all & have fun making love to only each other. That's not boring at all but instead an adventure of passion that is never ending. Having a 3rd person there has contributed to a sexual laziness with each other which is why it's understandable one on one sex seems boring. Really making love to someone that is unique & irreplaceable in your life that loves you equally as you love them? That's not boring! Make that shift & it will all fall in place in for much easier.

There are tons of great materials that can help, just Google passion marriage to find some. Do something different for just you two sexually that will be a better bonding experience such as exploring tantric sex techniques for example.

The more you think the sex is boring, the longer it will stay that way. That's just trying to find a justification for continuing doing something you want to stop.

smoothy · Aug 28, 2008, 05:53 AM

It's a habit. Habits take willpower to break. And yes its hard to stick to it in the beginning but over time that does get easier until you never give it a second thought.

If you really want to stop... do it cold turkey... then stick to it.

Ash123 · Aug 28, 2008, 07:17 AM

A lot of ink has been spent on this post. I am going to have to reserve a further call on its veracity. Perhaps so. Will stand by...

Synnen · Aug 28, 2008, 07:26 AM

The other posts by the OP do not seem troll-like.

How about we treat it as if it were a real problem and help the OP instead of doubting for now? I am keeping an eye on this thread and prefer that we at AMHD behave well and give great advice than cast doubt on what could actually be an honest question.

Ash123 · Aug 28, 2008, 07:44 AM

Yep. Sounds good. Just a conditioned incredulity perhaps.

Sure there will be further salient insights from all as required.

Angelina1979 · Aug 29, 2008, 06:09 AM

Yes I am real and yes this is a real problem that I have. I have been bisexual for quite a long time and I love my husband. It's just that things have gotten boring. When he says lets go out dancing I will reply just us how boring and he gets hurt and thinks I need girls to have fun and cannot have fun with only him. He wants to go out tomorrow night and I have been trying my hardest not to call girls and invite them. It's like a little voice says call them and then I have the other voice saying don't call them (like a movie the little devil and the little angel). It's really hard, but I'm trying.

Angelina1979 · Aug 29, 2008, 06:18 AM

Yes he is really good in Bed. He gives me orgasm after orgasm. The reason I love having threesomes with him is because I enjoy watching him have sex with another woman. Seeing his reaction while He "does" her makes me really excited. I know it's weird... I used to be very very jealous but now it's turned into me enjoying him "do" another woman. I'm not sure when this changed. I just know the threesome thing NEEDS to STOP before it ruins us.

Ash123 · Aug 29, 2008, 06:41 AM

Well bisexuality is more than a fling and perhaps why this is more than just a passing issue. You can't control your sexuality. Did he know this going into your partnership?
A few personal questions:

1. What was your childhood like? Violent? Calm? One parent? Two? Trust in both parents? Relatives?
2. What is your relationship with your parents now?
3. Had u explored your sexuality prior to this relationship?
4. do you feel depressed in your daily life?

I'll clarify more about the reasons for all these questions later. I have worked through this with a few people on here, and sometimes need to start with the basics.

Angelina1979 · Aug 29, 2008, 11:45 AM

I have 2 loving parents. My childhood was wonderful. No abuse from my parents. I have parents that have and are always there for me. I was abused by a guy bully in my school when I was young (he liked me and thought it was cool to punch me and beat me up after school until one day I grew some balls and had him expelled from the school). Before I met my husband I was in an abusive relationship with my ex and almost got raped by his dad. Yes I explored my sexuality before I met my husband. Depressed, hmmm sometimes. I had a therapist and went to psych ward but found myself more depressed even though I was on meds. So one day I decided enough is enough and it was time to change my mood. Just like one day I decided to leave my abusive relationship. I guess all these people are right if you want something go and get it. It's all up to me. I'm the one who stopped getting bullied when I was a little girl, I'm the one who left the abusive relationship, I'm the one who ran when my ex's dad tried undressing me, I'm the one who stopped thinking of suicide as an answer. So now I'm the one who has to put a stop to this threesome thing. And yes I do believe in God, he was one of few that were there for me when I needed it most. I prayed and prayed. It's been a long time since I prayed, don't know why, but I hope he's still there for me.