[Alty]

Ha, I was right, Biggie is tall dark and handsome. You are a very good looking guy Biggie. I especially love the flower in your hair, nice touch. ;)

[Stringer]

Ha, I was right, Biggie is tall dark and handsome. You are a very good looking guy Biggie. I especially love the flower in your hair, nice touch. ;)

Yep... agreed... he would make a good DUCK catcher... where is she anyway?

[Alty]

Okay kids, I'm out for a while too. I might be back later on, but time to have some quality time with hubby.

Be good while I'm gone.

Biggie, keep Starty in line, she's a wild one. :)

[startover22]

I am not wild... hmmmm, at least I like people to think I am NOT!

[Stringer]

Well R, I said "HI" and that I was here... but now you are gone... maybe tomorrow?

Stringer

[starbuck8]

Yep.........agreed......he would make a good DUCK catcher....where is she anyway?

Nobody gent with a flower in their hair is any match for the DUCK! :p

You're a handsome one Mr Biggie! ;)

[Stringer]

Dear Wife:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you forever. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you quit your job today and that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had a new haircut, had cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore; you don't want sex or anything that connects us as husband and wife.

Either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore; whatever the case, I'm gone.

Your EX-Husband

P.S. Don't try to find me. Your SISTER and I are mov ing away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

Dear Ex-Husband -

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from w hat you've been.

I watch my soaps so much because they drow n out your constant whining an d griping. Too bad that doesn't work.

I did notice when you got a hair cut last week, but the first thing that came to mind was 'You look just like a girl!' Since my mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice, I didn't comment.

And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY SISTER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.

About those new silk boxers: I turned away from you because the $49.99
Price tag was still on them, and I prayed that it was a coincidence that my s ister had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I hit the lotto for r ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason, I guess .

I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said that the letter you wrote ensures you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

Signed,

Your Ex-Wife, Rich As Hell and Free!

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this, but my sister Carla was born Carl. I hope that's not a problem.

[starbuck8]

LMAO!! Silly String, you are such a funny man!!

[Stringer]

Please do not forget your flu shot!!

The First Half of this makes sense, but I like the second half better.

Eat right!

Make sure you get your daily dose of fruits and veggies.

Take your vitamins and bump up your vitamin C.

Get plenty of exercise because exercise helps build your immune system.

Walk for at least an hour a day,
Go for a swim,

Take the stairs instead of the elevator, etc.

Wash your hands often.

If you can't wash them, keep a bottle of antibacterial stuff around.

Get lots of fresh air.

Open doors & windows whenever possible.

Try to eliminate as much stress
From your life as you can.

Get plenty of rest.
OR

Take the doctor's approach.
Think about it...

When you go for a shot, what do they do first?

They clean your arm with alcohol...

Why?

Because alcohol KILLS GERMS.

So...

I walk to the liquor store. (exercise)

I put lime in my Corona... (fruit)

Celery in my Bloody Mary (veggies)

Drink outdoors on the bar patio.. (fresh air)

Tell jokes, laugh... (eliminate stress)

Then pass out. (rest)

The way I see it...

If you keep your alcohol levels up,

Flu germs

Can't get you!

My mother always said,

'A shot in the glass is better than one in the a**!'

Live Well
- Laugh Often -
- Love Much -
- Have Fun -

[Stringer]

We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really
know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed,
the definition for each is listed below...

GUTS - is arriving home late
After a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and
Having the guts to ask: "Are you still cleaning, or are you flying
somewhere?"

BALLS - is coming home late after a night out with the guys,
Smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife
On the butt and having the balls to say: "You're next."

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions. Medically
Speaking, there is no difference in the outcome since both ultimately
result in death.

[Alty]

LMAO, Stringer, those were great. :)

So, Silly String is in a funny mood tonight. Hmmmm, can I compete?

April and I were lying in bed the other day. My hands were slowly finding their way across her body. I whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world." She whispered back, "I'll miss you."

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says,
"Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

How'd I do? :)

[Alty]

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his house. His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard.

The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess.

A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing.

In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.

He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went.

He looked at her bewildered and asked,
"What happened here today?"

She again smiled and answered,
"You know every day when you come home from work and ask me what in the world did I do today?"

"Yes" was his incredulous reply.

She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it!!!"

[friend4u178]

Are we having a Joke fest :p

[Stringer]

LMAO, Stringer, those were great. :)

So, Silly String is in a funny mood tonight. Hmmmm, can I compete?

April and I were lying in bed the other day. My hands were slowly finding their way across her body. I whispered, "I'm gonna make you the happiest woman in the world." She whispered back, "I'll miss you."

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.

After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets. The man thinks for a moment and says,
"Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

How'd I do? :)

Pretty damn good... I'll be back...

[Alty]

Are we having a Joke fest :p

Apparently we are M. Stringer started it, I'm just trying to keep up. :);)

You game?

[Stringer]

7 reasons not to mess with children.

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah".
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him".


A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, "I'm drawing God."
The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like."
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."


A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."

One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?"
Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white."
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
"Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.'
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted,
"Cause your feet ain't empty."

The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
"Take only ONE . God is watching."
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."

[Stringer]

Are we having a Joke fest :p

Hey buddy, you are working toooo hard my friend. I haven't seen you for a while?:D

Stringer

[Alty]

Jack goes to the doctor and says "Doc I'm having trouble getting my penis erect, can you help me?"

After a complete examination the doctor tells Jack, "Well the problem is that the muscles around the base of your penis are damaged. There's really nothing I can do for you unless you're willing to try an experimental treatment."

Jack asks sadly, "And that would be?"

"Well," the Doctor explains, "What we would do is take the muscles from the trunk of a baby elephant and implant them in your penis."

Jack thinks about it silently then says, "Well the thought of going through life without ever having sex again is too much, let's go for it."

Jack went under the knife, and, after a period of recovery and healing, returned to the Doc for his blessing. Following the examination, the Doc pronounced Jack "healed and ready for action".

Eager to use his experimentally enhanced equipment, Jack planned a romantic evening for his girlfriend and took her to one of the nicest restaurants in town, anticipating a happy conclusion to the evening.

In the middle of dinner he felt a stirring between his legs that continued to the point of being painful.

To release the pressure, Jack placed his napkin on his lap and unzipped his fly. His penis immediately sprung from his pants, flipped the napkin on the floor, went to the top of the table, grabbed a bread roll and then returned to his pants!

His girlfriend was stunned at first but then, imagining the possibilities, said with a sly smile and a gleam in her eye, "That was incredible! Can you do it again?"

Jack groaned, "Probably, but I don't think I can fit another roll in my a$$."

[Stringer]

No harm intended here...



I saw a billboard that said;

"Need help, call Jesus." 1-800-005-3787

I did and a Mexican showed up with a tow truck.

[starbuck8]

Is this YUK YUK night at the looney bin?? LOL!

Alty, is it too early to have to turn the heat on? I'm flippin freeeeeezing! What the heck? It's August for God sakes!