Check out some similar questions!

busterite · Aug 22, 2008, 06:26 AM

I would say the hardest part was when we first broke up which was almost 2 months ago. And that is because she kept on contacting me and passing all her emotional instabilities to me for about 2-3 weeks. See there was another guy in the picture but she wasn't sure whether she wanted to be with him or me and also because she was refusing to talk to any of her friends she used me as a friend and was telling me everything that was going through her mind. She really took me through hell and I remember that I hadn't slept for more than 2-3 hours every night for those weeks and I could not eat.

Then I decided to break any contact with her because I would not have been able to go through that for much longer. The first couple of weeks I was still in a state of shock and it was as if my brain was operating in safe mode. I felt bruised and battered but had kind of pulled in a safe spot and kept telling myself that it will be fine and whenever I though of her which was all the time I would try and block my mind from starting to analyse things. I kept myself busy and was constantly around people and even when no one was around I would grab my camera and go for very long walks around the city, basically anything to keep me distracted. I would definitely avoid drinking too much alcohol because it only makes things worse. Basically the worst part was the really vivid dreams I had at night with really bad images better left unimagined (but then again my circumstances were different). The feelings are similar to the motion of a pendulum. As time passes by the path followed from one end to the other becomes smaller and as long as you don't push it again it will eventually come to a stand still. The ups and downs are still there but to a much smaller extent and it is up to you how much importance you will place on them and how much you will let them drag you down.
There are certain questions that I still think of but whenever I get these I immediately have answers for them. For example:
Q: will she ever come back?
A: NO! But then again I wouldn't want to go through this again so its fine!

Q: Did she really mean all the things she said in the past?
A: Yes but things have changed. I mean there are certain things I used to enjoy but now I don't anymore.

And as your mind clears up and you start analysing things in a rational way and finding out things about yourself things will come into perspective.

The main thing is don't be too harsh on yourself. When you feel really down just don't make too much of it just let it pass. Possibly write on this site or read past advice to feel better. Stay focused but take it one day at a time. I mean 7 years is a long time.
I can say that now after 5 weeks I still think of things but not all the time mostly when I come across something that will remind her and the feeling I get when I think of things is nowhere near as intense. The hardest for me has been the fact that we grew up in the same area and went to the same school together although we both live abroad and we have a lot of common friends so it is and will be almost impossible to totally forget about her. At some point I will definitely have to face her and I just hope that by then I will have made a full recovery. I know this has been long but hope it helps you.

My topic is here if you want to know the background https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...rs-243232.html

ISneezeFunny · Aug 22, 2008, 07:59 AM

First 5 weeks... stunk. However, I stayed pretty busy working and hitting the gym constantly. Keep your head up

BrewCrew0981 · Aug 22, 2008, 10:25 AM

Ack. I broke down and listened to one of her friends talk (who just happens to live 2 doors down the hall form me). How I got to hear how awesome her life is, and how much she is "living it up." How she can do "what she wants, when she wants, and loves it!" Ugh, what a knock down.

ISneezeFunny · Aug 22, 2008, 10:34 AM

But... check this out.

You can do what you want, when you want, how you want...

Uh huh.

Jiser · Aug 22, 2008, 10:37 AM

If I spoke to my ex again I would quite happily say 'I am so glad we broke up.' This is what NC did for me. In fact I am at the stage now where I would be happy to talk to her again. NC really does let you heal but it takes time and for me I had to go travelling and do a hell of a lot, even met another girl before I could finally say, I am happy for the memories but in all honesty It wasn't even that great!

End of the day stop bigging it all up, it isn't a fantasy, its reality and its not warm and cozy, it's the same as every day.

busterite · Aug 22, 2008, 10:44 AM

Don't pay attention to any of that BS. I can't believe that she is over it so fast after 7 years, she is definitely confused herself but not showing it but then again this should have nothing to do with you, just let it pass you by. So even if she is happy would you prefer if her life was miserable? Would it make your life any better right now? You should only focus on bringing your own life back on track and should not let anything else drag you down. Sorry if I'm being harsh but we have all had to go through this and are still going through it. Its things you will realise yourself but which helps hearing from others that have been through similar situations.

Romefalls19 · Aug 22, 2008, 10:46 AM

I can completely agree with Jiser, I told my ex that breaking up was the best thing to ever happen to us. Of course this was when she was telling a lot of people that she was thinking about giving me another chance. She asked me why I thought that and I told her "because I met a terrific girl who brings out the best in me and makes me strive to do better in everything I do." Which is true, I couldn't be happier with my situation as we are looking at apartments to rent in late October early November and then I am going with her and the little girls to California to meet her side of the family. They are all excited to meet me which I am too, but also a little nervous and worried about it.

Point being, NC will aid you like nothing else will. You will one day wake up and think why did I spend so much time on someone who doesn't deserve it

ISneezeFunny · Aug 22, 2008, 10:48 AM

... way to go Romey.

Let's see... since my ex and I have broken up... um... 8 months ago? I... lost about 30 lbs, packed on a bit of muscle, bought a restaurant, and... yeah, life's going swimmingly. :)

Romefalls19 · Aug 22, 2008, 10:52 AM

Exactly Sneezy... It's also been 8 months for me and since the break up my arms grew 4 1/2 inches, chest grew 7 inches... I finally was able to break the 160 barrier in my weight(skinny crap) and now am at a solid 180 and climbing. When me and my ex would go to the gym, I would struggle to put up 50lb dumbbells on dumbbell press, now I'm repping 85's.. Just all around good things happening.

Best of all, my ex is the one jealous now constantly asking a mutual friend "are they ever going to break up?" "Do you think he would give me another chance" "would he want to hang out and talk about things"

BrewCrew0981 · Aug 22, 2008, 02:58 PM

I sure am glad I ran into this website. I was feeling completely down in the dumps, and you guys helped my out by pulling me back into reality, and made me feel all right about myself again.

The part that makes me shack my head is that this is her "Doing what I want" schedule:

Mon-Fri - Work
Fri Night - Get drunk
Sat - Get drunk
Sun - Recoup

Rinse and repeat. Funny thing about that is, that's exactly what she did when we were together. I let her do what she want, she is who she is. Her problem was I dislike getting drunk every weekend. So, she left apparently. Granted, I've been dealing with social anxiety since I was 4, but still.

You guys made me realize, why should I subject myself to a relationship, where I would either have to do something I really disliked doing, or just "put up" with it? Both are lame.

Ash123 · Aug 22, 2008, 04:10 PM

Yep, you know you are better off.

Some days you will doubt it though.

But in time, you will laugh at how close you came to a bad decision by hanging in there.

And the less you cheat (allow any part of her life to overlap yours) the faster you will get there...

BrewCrew0981 · Aug 23, 2008, 07:50 AM

So, a few of you might have read my story about how my girlfriend of 7 years left me 3 weeks ago. My problem has been lately, while I have no "actual" contact for 5 days now, I'm still obsessive and stalker-ish.

I know all the passwords to her email, Facebook, phone bill, etc. I can see who she talks to and for how long, and when, etcetcetc. I try my damned hardest to stop this but it feels like I have OCD about it now and just can't pull my fingers off the keyboard. What can I do to stop this, short of smashing my PC into a million pieces?

N0help4u · Aug 23, 2008, 07:55 AM

Turn your PC off for a month or so until you get over your obsession.
Have somebody like your mom hold onto it for you in the meantime if you have to.

OR maybe try just mentioning to her something like ''You know I know your passwords. It is always a good idea to be changing them whenever you break up with a guy."

WhatN3XT · Aug 23, 2008, 08:13 AM

Are you seeking answers that went ignored during the breakup? Because what you are doing is trying to piece together what really happened in her eyes. Asking yourself is there somebody else? Etc, etc.

I suggest you stop before you see some activety she is doing that will make you hurt even more.

There are ways you can delete saved Passwords on the PC. Unless you know them by heart, then you should break NC for 20 seconds and send her a text telling her to change all her UN's/PW's.

Some things are better off unsaid and unheard, don't torture yourself any further. I hope this helps.

N0help4u · Aug 23, 2008, 08:21 AM

Yep WhatN3XT is right! HOW are you going to handle it if you run across a message about some intimate details with some guy? Really not a good position to put yourself in! You definitely would not be able to confront her about it. You WILL feel weird and act awkward when you happen to see her and she WILL know something is up.

hellonasty · Aug 23, 2008, 10:41 AM

Stop reading them. Nothing you find will be of any use to you- and as others stated it will only make you crazier. Trust me... I went through the Same thing a few weeks ago.

The less you have to paint the picture in your head... the better. Ignorance is bliss!

Fr_Chuck · Aug 23, 2008, 01:06 PM

Call them and remind them you have all of these passwords, and ask them to change them.

CFZD · Aug 23, 2008, 01:07 PM

You know... she can sue you for that!!

amanda-kym · Aug 23, 2008, 01:14 PM

If it does seem lke an ocd you could try seeing a therapist/ counsellor. It will help with how you feel about the break up plus they can help you to control it. I am seeing one for a cleaning and methodical ocd that I have and it does help. It will take time but as long as you are willing to change you can do it, for now I agree with the others that you should mention it to her ( maybe in a joking tone) and then she can make it harder for you to do it
Good luck

Malasabe · Aug 23, 2008, 01:51 PM

I was obsessive with one of my ex's and also had his passwords, etc. It was hard to stop obsessing because I felt like I didn't have the answers as to why the relationship really ended. Honestly, I wish I could go back in time and take back all the hours wasted trying to figure something out. Obviously it wasn't meant to be, and I'm sure he wasn't wasting that time figuring out what I was doing. Try to stop yourself when you feel tempted. Take up a new hobby. If you can't stop by yourself, talk to a therapist.