[HarleyGirl03]

My fiancé and I have been together a little over 2 years. At first we would lay on the couch and snuggle and kiss and make love, sometimes numerous times a day. In the past year, we have sex maybe once a month, and he says, "I don't snuggle." This is just who I am, deal with it. He never tells me he loves me, but he honestly thinks he tells me. He does love me and there is no other woman. He just doesn't want to be affectionate anymore. And according to his ex-wife he was married to for 16 years, he never cheated, but never kissed her either.

[Choux]

I think he is bored with the "cuddle" routine.

It would probably be a good idea for you to 'up the ante' in the sexual expression department... develop yourself in the animalistic side of sex, and leave the cuddling for when you sleep together like spoons.

Best wishes going forward, :)

[simoneaugie]

He will probably continue the same behavior while married to you. Do you consent to live the rest of your life the same way you are now? He just isn't a person who feels any need to communicate affection, nor does he care that you feel lonesome.

For some women, he's perfect. I wouldn't marry him, need my hugs and frequent sex.

[Choux]

Girl, half the battle in life is leaving behind people who are not good for us. It is very difficult most of the time, but it must be done.

Women often can't imagine a *better life* going forward alone, but a better life is there to be had by making those difficult decisions. :)

[BetrayalBtCamp]

Sometimes the difficult decision is not leaving until all efforts to improve the current relationship have been tried, but that does take two.

Your H obviously did snuggle when he was first with you, it's just that by now the lust biochemistry has drastically changed then what it was when you guys first got together & he's gone back into his comfort zone which doesn't work for you. He's gotten into the habit of disregarding your wants / needs in the affection / sex depts. Just talking to him isn't going to work unless he is willing to make the ncessary changes consistently so they become new habits.

He needs to realize that you are very serious about this & he can't just ignore your desires, he needs to be putting more into the relationship pot or he's going to be dating & flying solo again trying to find someone that is OK with his lack of involvement once the infatuation wears off.

There has to be a balance found between the two of you or the disconnect will keep growing. You say he thinks he tells you he loves you but isn't? Maybe he thinks you two are having a lot more sex than is actually happening too. It can be easy to lose track of time especially if there is a lot else going on in your lives or he does a demanding job.

It sounds like this may be a Love Languages problem, first of all. That would be a good book to read together to help get you past the impasse you have now. The 10 Second Kiss is a good one to use in combo with the Love Languages book.

Amazon.com: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate: Gary Chapman: Books

Amazon.com: The 10 Second Kiss: Ellen Kreidman: Books

Is It Infatuation or Love?

... When infatuated we experience a surge of dopamine that rushes through the brain causing us to feel good. Norepinephrine flows through the brain stimulating production of adrenaline (pounding heart). Phenylethalimine (found in chocolate) creates a feeling of bliss. Irrational romantic sentiments may be caused by oxytocin, a primary sexual arousal hormone that signals orgasm and feelings of emotional attachment. Together these chemicals sometimes override the brain activity that governs logic.

The body can build up tolerances to these chemicals so it takes more of the substance to get that special feeling of infatuation.. . When the chemical flood dries up, the relationship either moves into a loving romantic one or there is disillusionment, and the relationship ends.

[Helper_12]

My fiance and I have been together a little over 2 years. At first we would lay on the couch and snuggle and kiss and make love, sometimes numerous times a day. In the past year, we have sex maybe once a month, and he says, "I don't snuggle." This is just who I am, deal with it. He never tells me he loves me, but he honestly thinks he tells me. He does love me and their is no other woman. He just doesn't want to be affectionate anymore. And according to his ex-wife he was married to for 16 years, he never cheated, but never kissed her either.

I actually think he just wants a break from affection and he should start up again or you should sit down and ask him

[N0help4u]

I know a lot of guys that start really affectionate and then when it gets old to them
They get distant. When you ask them why it can't be like it was with the snuggling and the kisses and hugging they say that it gets old and they are more into it if they don't every day.

If it is a standard pattern then you may be incompatible on the affection level and it really doesn't get better. So you have to decide do you love him enough that can you live with it like this maybe even the rest of your life or is it that bad that you can't?

[talaniman]

I think you have a preview of how he will be, so does he have any qualities that make up for his lack of affection?? If the bad outweighs the good, no point in wasting your time.