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headache · Aug 21, 2008, 09:46 AM

Hello all,

OK, so I met this girl 2 months ago and immediately we clicked big time. I tried to not get attatched, as I just got out of a long relationship in December and really did not want to get into a relationship, but things just felt really good with her and everything happened so fast and I fell for her reallly hard. Anyway, a few weeks ago we found out she is pregnant. Aside from me being really scared about the fact of having a kid and everything I think I'm doing pretty well about it. However, things seem to have changed a lot and it's given me this constant uneasy feeling. We went from seeing each other everyday and everything being completley great and her wanting me to stay with her at night, whereas now I see her maybe a couple times a week, she hasn't wanted me staying with her. I don't feel any excitement from her about spending time with me anymore. Basically I just get weird vibes from her latley and she hasn't been talking to me about stuff really. She made her first dr. appointment and didn't tell me about it until I asked her. I understand she is scared and everything happened very fast with us and maybe now it's catching up, and obviously she is going through a lot.
I am just afraid of getting hurt again and I don't know what to do.

Guidostern · Aug 21, 2008, 09:57 AM

Stand up... that's all I can say. Do your best to support her during this difficult time and be understanding. She needs a support system... understand though, she may not come to you for a lot of things. Women that are pregnant sometimes start to think differently, and their emotions are going crazy. Just let her know that you're there for her. You need to be strong for her during this time. Don't think about walking away, she doesn't need that and neither do you.

talaniman · Aug 21, 2008, 10:12 AM

I am just afraid of getting hurt again and I don't know what to do.

Geez guy, she is pregnant! She may be more than a little distracted, as she has a life changing event to deal with. This is not the time to be selfish, as if your scared, she is petrified!!

You better be supportive, and forget what you want as whatever it is, she don't need it. Put aside your own needs, and fears, and consider hers.

Romefalls19 · Aug 21, 2008, 10:33 AM

Spread the rep again, but Tal said it perfectly and bluntly as well!!

headache · Sep 2, 2008, 09:48 AM

I just don't know what to do right now. I haven't seen her in over a week and really don't think that she feels as strongly as I do about her. My emotions are overloaded right now, she hasn't expressed any interest in seeing me for a couple weeks, and I just don't get it I guess. She tells me that she will be getting an untrasound tomorrow and didn't say anything to me about going to the doctor with her. I don't know whether to shut off my feelings or to try as hard as I can to be close with her again, but then at the same time, I don't want to have to deal with loving someone so much and it not being mutual. I just have no idea, everything was so good before we found out about the pregnany

talaniman · Sep 2, 2008, 12:05 PM

Tape your mouth shut, put your feelings in your back pocket, and be there whatever she needs. She may cuss you out, so what, its your kid too, so man up, and don't take it so personal when she vents her frustrations, and fears right on you, just sit there and take it, and see if she wants more pickles, or whatever.

Everything was so good before we found out about the pregnancy

Pay attention, and learn, as this is a life lesson for you, and you will pay for your pleasure.

headache · Sep 2, 2008, 12:08 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Tape your mouth shut, put your feelings in your back pocket, and be there whatever she needs. She may cuss you out, so what, its your kid too, so man up, and don't take it so personal when she vents her frustrations, and fears right on you, just sit there and take it, and see if she wants more pickles, or whatever.

Pay attention, and learn, as this is a life lesson for you, and you will pay for your pleasure.

I don't think you are understanding, I haven't seen her in over a week and a half, and hardly talked to her, I wish she was venting her frustrations and fears on m, but nothing.

akez · Sep 2, 2008, 12:14 PM

Tal - Tape you mouth shut... LOL, knee slapper. Very well put!

talaniman · Sep 2, 2008, 12:30 PM

Originally Posted by headache

I don't think you are understanding, I havent seen her in over a week and a half, and hardly talked to her, i wish she was venting her frustrations and fears on m, but nothing.

And you need an invitation? Get over there, and make yourself useful.

headache · Sep 2, 2008, 12:43 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

And you need an invitation?? Get over there, and make youself useful.

Unfortunately yes I do. Like I said, things have been completley different since we found out about this, she has taken a big step back and has showed no interest in seeing me, before I was staying with her every night and seeing her everyday

happy_jester · Sep 2, 2008, 01:05 PM

I haven't seen her in over a week and a half, and hardly talked to her

That's the negative part :(... But it does get better. :)

You've now got a girlfriend to look after,as well as a baby & that should cause you
To grow up fast.

Why? To take up this responsibility that you know have!

Ok,you haven't seen her in over a week and a half, and hardly talked to her...
have you even tried?? because you certainly have got to
Sort out some kind of future with this girl.

headache · Sep 2, 2008, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by happy_jester

Ok,you haven't seen her in over a week and a half, and hardly talked to her.......
have you even tried?? because you certainly have got to
sort out some kind of future with this girl.

Yes I've tried, but it's like she won't talk to me about anything, and the last time I stopped by her place to say hi I brought her some snacks, but did not feel welcomed at all. Before it was like she'd want to see me all the time, now not.
I know I have to sort out some kind of future with her as we are having a child. At the same time, if she doesn't feel the same anymore, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

akez · Sep 2, 2008, 01:22 PM

Have you given any thought to taking the approach of just saying were involved in this together and you WANT to share in the pregnancy?

This could be a good start, don't mention anything about the two of you. Go gradually- don't overwhelm her with all the decisions you have to make and stuff you need to buy. Talk about major decisions one isssue at a time. Be positive.

happy_jester · Sep 2, 2008, 01:39 PM

Just saying were involved in this together and you WANT to share in the pregnancy?

Yes,indeed. You need to reassure her that you are going to be a significant part of both of their lives [for however long that is going to take!! ]

talaniman · Sep 2, 2008, 01:45 PM

headache, Yes I've tried, but it's like she won't talk to me about anything,

Sit and watch TV, don't talk!!! Stare at the ceiling, play with your toes. (that may make her mad, but..........????))

the last time I stopped by her place to say hi I brought her some snacks, but did not feel welcomed at all. Before it was like she'd want to see me all the time, now not.

Poor baby, unless she physically runs you out, sit and watch TV, did you get the tape yet?

I know I have to sort out some kind of future with her as we are having a child.

Thats not a conversation for now so tape your mouth shut and don't push or aggravate.

At the same time, if she doesn't feel the same anymore, I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

From experience, I can tell you that pregnancy changes females in so many ways, all you can do is shut up, pay attention, and do as your told. I know its a beeyatch to process and deal with, but thats what men do. Thats what you do! The point is she will appreciate you later, so don't get discouraged. Hang in there.:D

akez · Sep 2, 2008, 02:06 PM

She's finding it difficult to come to terms with the fact she's pregnant. This is something very emotional for her as Tal mentioned. TRUST ME! I don't know about sitting on her couch just yet, I would begin by making small gestures. If you knock and she won't answer leave your "gesture" on the porch or with someone who does answer.

happy_jester · Sep 3, 2008, 02:08 AM

Begin by making small gestures.

By making small "gestures" you're showing her that you really DO care
About her. :)

Remember,and not be rude. Wait a while to see if she accepts your "gesture"
Before trying something else.

BetrayalBtCamp · Sep 3, 2008, 04:40 AM

It sounds like the talks you want to have are not comforting but more stressful to her, & that's the last thing she wants right now. Be there as best you can without putting even more pressure on her, that's not going to help.

If you can think of anything that would make life easier for her, then do that. Just bringing some groceries over (ice cream or fruit is good!), taking out the garbage or vacuuming for her could make a big difference at this point to show you are there for her. And she may not want to ask for or talk about anything serious at this point.

She's still adjusting to the pg & what impact it will have on her life. How well do you know her family, friends? Ask them if there is anything you can do to make things better for her or any special treats she particularly likes that you can keep stocked up for her.

Do you know if she plans to keep the baby for sure?

Meanwhile, read up on pg & the impact it has on the mother so you'll know what to expect.

talaniman · Sep 3, 2008, 04:52 AM

If this is her first, oh boy!! She will be scared to death, and hate your guts, but that's the changing hormones raging.

whowhatwhy · Dec 7, 2011, 01:14 PM

Hey happy_jester, I was reading up on this because I am going through almost the same thing, the only difference is my pregnant girlfriend is having twins. There is a lot of great advice here that I am going to use.

But really, all I want to know is how it all turned out for you in the end? Are you still together? Has she let you back in?

You know what I am going through and I just want to be assured that everything will be OK in the end.

Thanks!