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Johny44343 · Aug 21, 2008, 02:36 AM

I have this female that I have feelings for, we have been out for a few lunches in the past, however she has recenty told me she is having problems getting over a 4 1/2 year relationship, what would be the best approach to just be a friend and in the mean time still suggest that I want to be with her but give her enough space to get over her ex? She currently hasn't told me the problems going on, so unsure on how to tackle it.

starbuck8 · Aug 21, 2008, 03:18 AM

First of all, you want to be careful not to be rebound guy. That will only be bad for you in the end. It's fine to tell her that you are interested, but tell her that you will give her all of the space she needs, and that you will be a call away if she needs a shoulder.

Just keep on being her friend until she's ready. Keep asking her for lunch, or to do other things, but don't overwhelm her, with phone calls or texts everyday. When you do call her, just say you are calling to see how she is doing that day, and you just wanted to make sure she is having a good day... and leave it at that, unless she takes it a step further.

Don't take it personally if she happens to mention her ex. 4 and a half yrs is a significant ammout of time, and you can't expect her just to forget him, especially if he was the one that did the breaking up. Again, just offer to be there for her if she needs a friend. The best relationships start as friendships anyway, so if you honestly treat it as forming a friendship, you have one foot in the door. Just be honest about it, and respect her feelings.

Good luck!

BetrayalBtCamp · Aug 21, 2008, 05:28 AM

To the above, I would ask that you could stick to things that are fun & not be too much at her beck & call. You want to leave her wanting more time with you. So short dates, not daily hours long conversations may be the ticket to start with.

You don't want to be acting like her therapist, even though as mentioned above some patience with her talking about her ex is to be expected. Let her gf's be the ones that she vents & cries to for hrs on end about what a cad he was. Show her that you are different, respect & admire her, want to be someone special to her as she is to you but in a SUBTLE way. Don't try to ramrod your feelings on her too soon or you will end up the rebound guy. Just another girlfriend to her in a male body or someone she wants to just stay away from.