[a-rise]

Omg is all I ve been saying for the past 48hrs. My boyfriend of 9months ( I've actually known him for 2years) asked me to marry him. And here's me, freakin out... I do and I don't want too.

Ive always told myself I won't get married until Im in my thirties ( twenty-one here) but there's a an ulterior motive to this proposal and this is why I really do want too because you see, he lives in America and I live in Canada. See the dilemma, the quick and dirty way of getting him Canadian citizenship.

I don't know what I should be asking myself! Yes, I love him but? Is this normal to be this freaked out about becoming a Wife ? Rawr.

What I'm asking is, what should I be asking myself to make myself stop 'omg'ing every hour...

[NowWhat]

Do you think the ONLY reason he asked you was to obtain citzenship?

Do you love him the way a wife should love a husband? Is it a "forever" love? Can you picture your life down the road and he is still there? Can you see him as the father of your children?

What freaks you out the most? And Why?

[a-rise]

He winces at the thought of learning how to say 'eh' so I think not on the citzenship thing. But your questions you gave me are really what I should he thinking but then I freak out and go 'im to young! My family will own me! Omg my brothers and sisters will own me hardcore!'

[NowWhat]

Then - maybe you aren't ready. AND THAT IS OKAY! Do not take a step like this until you are ready. Maybe consider a long engagement?

If your family isn't on board - may be it is to soon? Our family wants what is best for us.

[a-rise]

Yes your right, people have been engaged for years and years before they have a wedding... thank you!

[kp2171]

You aren't ready.

Citizenship is not a reason to make a commitment for life that takes work, focus, dedication, and energy.

You aren't ready and you know this.

[BetrayalBtCamp]

If nothing else, he was showing you that his level of commitment to you & your relationship together is of the highest level, which is great! That doesn't mean you have to get married tomorrow, it does mean that you two can have some great discussions on what marriage & that sort of commitment means to you, It means you can feel safe that he doesn't plan to bail anytime soon, so you can enjoy being yourself with someone that wants to enjoy that for a lifetime, & vice-versa.

One mistake I know a lot of couples make is that they put more time, energy & money into planning the wedding than the actual marriage. You can avoid that by really exploring what you want from life individually & the marriage. Take the time to do the prep work to have an awesome marriage, there are great resources that are free or low cost to help you do that. For example, check out John Gottman's stuff, he's been doing awesome research for decades on what makes successful marriages happen & what couples have the highest chance of making it. There are links to his online quiz, an emotional needs test & other free quizzes at our site on the resources page you might want to check out:

BetrayalBootCamp.com

I also think you are smart to have reservations at all, more people should. Marriage is a life altering commitment in a lot of ways that should not be taken lightly & if more people gave it the serious thought it deserves, many more marriages could be happier ones or not take place at all.

Good Luck & Congrats!

[BetrayalBtCamp]

I listed a lot of great marriage resources here you may want to check out:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/marria...ed-251408.html