[hellonasty]

I moved out of my place that my girlfriend of 8 years and I lived. This was 2 weeks ago. The past 2 weeks have been rough.. but I've dealt. Tonight her sister asked if I wanted to grab coffee.. I was reluctant but said yes.
So we get together and have coffee I told her that I don't want to hear anything about my ex dating, messing around or anything else with another guy as it will bother me.

Half way through the conversation she mentions something about needing to let my ex's dogs out that morning... I thought this was weird and after five minutes said "you took her dog out because she didn't come home last night, didnt you?" She didn't say anything but the look on her face was basically a "yes". I can't believe it. If any of you remember my other posts about this about me being paranoid about her texting and emailing people.. well it looks like there WAS something going on. In a way I'm relieved to know that I'm not insane in what I thought but on the other hand I'm devastated that she would move on so quickly. Her sister even said that my ex is treating her entire family horribly since I've left and she's gone into self destruct mode. The problem is she is over 30 years old and it kills me to know she's doing this to herself.

If anyone of you also recall I have an office that we used together. I haven't been in the office for a couple of weeks now and intended to drop the place and save the money as it was more for my ex than I. But as I told my ex I would hold onto it and float it for a couple of months and see where we end up. Well after finding this out about her being out over night with the guy I was paranoid about I sent her a text that said "You need to be out of the studio by the end of the week". I figured why should I do this to myself? I'm *still* not in control of my life, even after we break up and she drove me INSANE with paranoia the weeks leading up to my departure. Am I suppose to float my new apartment, and this office that I don't even use just so she can be there and make money? I don't think that's fair.

She called me right after getting the text. She said "i thought we were going to talk about this in a few weeks". I told her that the only reason why I kept the studio was in a hope that her and I can reconcile and that it's becoming a reality that this won't be happening and that I need to take care of myself and my own finances. She called me a "monster" and told me that once again I'm in control and this is the problem to begin with. She than proceeded to tell me all the things that went wrong in the relationship. We've sent each other a few business related emails and text messages and each one she sends she ends with "how are things with you?" or "is everything going ok". Originally I thought this was because she actually cared.. but now I realize it's just to make herself feel better.

My friends and I went to the office tonight at about 12:30am and took down all my stuff and moved it out.

I feel so bummed out again. I was trying SO hard to free myself from this. It hurts so much to know that she is being like this. It hurt even more that she was crying and called me a Monster. I'm just trying to take care of myself now. How else am I suppose to move forward. Her sister thinks this might be the thing that snaps her mind back to where it should be as she has been blocking EVERYTHING out since the day I left.

So confused... I was doing so well... now I'm back to the beginning again.. except now I have her with someone else banging against my head.

[hellonasty]

Oh, I forgot to add. I didn't even get the chance to tell her that A) she won't be getting anymore work from me and B) she will need to start repaying the $5000+ dollars she owes.

This is going to cause her major, major burden as most of her money came from work she does for me and she has no real way of paying for anything without working for me let along paying back the dept.

This feels so wrong that I'm doing this to her. But I don't know what else to do. Why should I be putting myself on the line? I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve and she has already emotionally checked out.

[Mr-Blank]

You won't believe I was just reading the 9 pages of your story wondering how it was going to end up... went to the main page and saw this new story - great timing.

Anyway - now you're starting to see why she was stringing you along. She was keeping you around so you would continue to support her financially, while she was ripping you apart emotionally. Now that the financial support is being withdrawn, she's up Sh1t creek without a paddle. That's why she's crying, that's why she's calling you a monster, because her grand plan is failing. ""i thought we were going to talk about this in a few weeks" = this isn't part of my plan, why are you ruining my plan.

You're doing the right thing. She's 30, she's a big girl, and she needs to handle her own business. You are your own man, you need to do this for you. The less ties you have to her, the easier it will be to get through it. When you think about how wrong it's feeling, remember how you felt when she first told you that it was over - I think she's feeling a great deal better than what you felt at that moment.

Situations I've been in have been nowhere near what you've had to go through, but this article on AskMen.com helped a lot to get a grip: Analyzing - AskMen.com - See if it helps you at all. I printed it out, and whenever I get down about things I just have a quick read of it, and my problem thoughts seem to subside.

Keep your head up!

[Romefalls19]

While I agree you needed to move on, and I'm happy you are doing so, jumping to conclusions about her being overnight with another guy is paranoid. Did he sister specifically say she was out with another guy? From what is says on this story it just seems she said she didn't come home that night, which could mean any number of things.

[busterite]

I agree with romefalls here. Don't try and fill in the gaps and jump to conclusions.

Am I suppose to float my new apartment, and this office that I don't even use just so she can be there and make money? I don't think that's fair.

No that is not fair but what you really should be thinking is what will give you piece of mind. I mean if this is an extra burden on you then you are doing the right things but don't just do it out of bitterness. I don't mean to defend her here, I just think you should really think about this and make sure you won't regret doing it. All this is her doing and I am sure she already knows that.

[hellonasty]

If she was or wasn't with another guy it is her own prerogative. We all feel something is going on, but that is here say. She is being secretive to everyone around her. This isn't my problem anymore as we are not together... but it does open my eyes a bit to the situation and brings me back to no matter how much I love her and wish we would be together... things just will never be the same.

Me keeping the office is foolish. I was willing to take the role of helping her along during her confused time but she has taken such a 180 that I no longer trust nor want to keep her in my life in anyway, as hard as that is to come to terms with. She did this the last time we split up too about 5 years ago. I thought she wold know better by now.

[ojaswini]

No can hurt you without your permission

I think its time for you to stop blaming your girlfriend and start your life the way you always wanted. Your biggest problem is...even though you say you don't love her..deep inside you really want her back. And still on the other hand you are so frustrated with her attitude.

You are the only person who has control in your life to make decision..and that decision has to be yours not anything anyone recommends..so sit down breath properly and forget everything thats bothering you. After your mind becomes blank...sleep. After you wake up..believe me you will have solutions for everything.

[talaniman]

Your in the best place you could be, alone. Now deal with your issues, and get some help, to guide you through the process of being in control of yourself.