[alextwo]

Well, I thought my boyfriend would be going to a college that was a hour away... and I thought that was the end of the world... boy do I wish! He got rejected there, and is going to a college 6 hours away!! What the hell...
I still try to listen to the advice I got from my last posts "Two Years Behind"... but now he's leaving in less than 3 weeks, and he'll be coming home once a month... if I'm lucky. He won't have a car, and he doesn't want to get plane tickets, and it's a hassle for someone to drive 12 hours total... ugh.
I am really just sad about it overall, that I can't do anything, like, I can officially drive in November, but I doubt my mother will let me drive all the way there with my brand new licsense, and she will never let me stay with him in the dorm, and I can't get a hotel room because I'm not old enough, and I wouldn't go with anyone else. I fell like I'm only going to see him on holidays... it's just to expensive. We both love each other very much.
I am trying to keep a mentality that if we really love each other, it won't matter that I don't see him as often as I like, if we'll just end up staying together for a long time (maybe married one day?) anyway.
I don't know what kind of advice I'm asking for.
Well, we agreed a while ago that we would have a talk before he went away, so I guess I really just need to know what we need to talk about... Thanks everyone. -Alex

[Romefalls19]

Calm down, it's not the end of the world. Wait until the talk happens, don't worry about things you can't control, like time.

[talaniman]

That's what its all about, can you work together to solve your problems!!

[alextwo]

He's leaving me Saturday, and we need to have a talk about what we're thinking... and I need to know what sorts of things I should bring up
Any ideas? I really need some thoughts soon
(we do want to stay together)

[talaniman]

How to deal with a long distance relationship

If you can deal with a long distance relationship

Where this one is going

So much depends on his feelings, so listening is what's important ,and being honest, and not just going along. Realistic, without high unrealistic expectations.

[JBeaucaire]

We both love each other very much. I am trying to keep a mentality that if we really love each other, it won't matter that I don't see him as often as I like, if we'll just end up staying together for a long time (maybe married one day?) anyway.

Love is what got you together. It's NOT what will keep you together. What keeps you together is all the other stuff working properly to move your relationship forward.

Him moving 12 hours away pretty much ends all of that. He won't come home once a month, he plans to, but he won't. He'll start to build his life at college and he SHOULD.

If you love each other, you won't put these untenable romantic goals on each other. You'll each make the most of your lives as they ACTUALLY unfold and 5 years from now, see where you're at.

I wouldn't let him go to school still bearing the bf/gf tie. A LOT is going to happen to both of you in the 5 years. Stuff like this "long distance" relationship at a time fraught with mental and geographic change is just you two deciding to be miserable.

You could be excited for one another instead, and free each other to experience what is to come. That's loving, too.

[alextwo]

It's six hours away, not 12, and thanks for the ever so NOT encouraging words!!

:(

[brkfstatiffs]

Hey:) As a female, and having been in your situation - now that I'm in my mid twenties, honestly I think you should be the bigger person and give him his freedom in college. If he wants to be with you, then make sure he initiates that - don't beg for it because I promise you it will only scare him away. I think if you guys are in love/ young love whatever and you are both willing to try and make it work, then maybe deal with the situation and realize that absence makes the heart grow fonder. His time away from you will allow you to be you again in a sense. It will allow you to live your last year (s) of high school without a commitment to a guy and to have fun with your friends and focus etc. Honestly, I personally think even if you try to make it work, he will get so wrapped up in meeting tons of new people in college that it might not work out. But that's life, and that's reality. College is suppose to be the good fun years, its an opportunity to grow and meet new people. The best you can do is support him, and trust him, not cry and beg for him etc. Good luck!

[brkfstatiffs]

p.s. I think in your "talk" you need to ask him what he wants more so then what you want because honestly he is a guy and once he gets to college and see's 100's of other 18 year old women his thoughts about you might change. It's not that he doesn't love you or want to be with you, it's just that he wants to experience LIFE. Something that can only be fully understood after your high school years.

[JBeaucaire]

You said it yourself, six hours each way is 12 hours of driving... I only go by what I'm told.

If your only acceptable form of encouragement is ways to ignore what's about to happen between you two and prolong it... well, that's not encouragement. That's wishfulness.

I'm encouraging you to set BOTH of you up for a good year(s) to come. Holding on to things as they naturally seek to part is a source of so much misery.

I do hope things work out for the best, I do.

[alextwo]

Wow... this advice site has only made me hate asking questions
I'd like to not know what other people think because it's not at all what I want to hear, no one is really answering my questions
If you actually had a clue, you would know that he still has his freedom and so do I, except we want to be together, and we both know that, I just need to know what kind of talk we should have, and no one has answered that

[JBeaucaire]

A mature discussion about what each of you hopes to accomplish in the next 12 months of school, then how your relationship/friendship/whatever-you-want-to-call-it can help/hinder those goals.

A mature discussion about what each of you hopes to accomplish in the next 12 months of dating, and how your geographical separateness affects the reality of those goals.

A mature acknowledgment of what your individual freedom (your term) mean in terms of friendships and dating others during the months apart. Honesty about your feelings is important, but also keeping from making each of your own fears/worries the other person's job to assuage. You want to keep that freedom intact, right?

Does that help some on the "discussion" question? I'm sorry if I'm clueless. I am responding to the information given, so...

[alextwo]

I'm sorry, my initital question was probably more of a rant, but thank you
And yes, this was the best post so far, it helps

[alextwo]

He slept over the night before he left, and comforted me when I was teary, and wouldn't sleep until I stopped crying, and in the middle of the night, he would reach over to hug me (he was on the air mattress right next to the couch in my living room, the rents wouldn't let us sleep any other way, which was fine) So the next morning we went to breakfast, and then he left, and we both had a very tearful goodbye. We sat in his car in my driveway for about half an hour crying and he said so many wonderful things. He said he never wanted to lose me and just things that made us cry even more that he was leaving. Instead of a talk, I wrote him a long letter which he read once he got to college, and this is what he said in reply:

Alex Hardy wrote
At 2:15am
"sweetie... I have just finished unpacking... except the TV, and the playstation, my posters, and I haven't even finished my bed. By the way, I started 4 HOURS AGO!!! AND I LOVE YOU SO MUCH! I read the letter, it was honestly the most beautiful thing I have ever read and you make me so proud to have such love from a beautiful girl like you. By the way, it also made me realize that such a beautiful girl deserves a love letter of her own. And I will start working on it... now... love you sweetie!"

We talked about it more on the phone too, and even hooked up the webcam and he showed me a tour of his room.

I guess sometimes the hardest things to say are face to face, but we both understand what we're thinking anyway. The only thing I really have to face is not seeing him until October, when he has a break, which he really wants to try to come home for, and then I see him again for parent's weekend, when I go with his parents to see him, and that's on Halloween. Our anniversary of two years is the sixth of October, which is a Monday, so it wouldn't work out anyway, but at least I will see him somewhat close to that date.
We do have webcams though, so at least we'll have that, the phone, Facebook, etc... it'll be a lot easier that way. And once we get through the first few months, I think it can only get better, because we'll know how to deal with not seeing each other in person as often as we used to.

[talaniman]

Be darn if that doesn't bring a tear to the eye, as those goodbyes are so freakin' sad. I really hope you guys keep working together and stay positive, and love each other.