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Sexual intercourse is not an endurance event! Actual stroking should not last more than 3-5 minutes, otherwise a man is beating a dead horse, in my opinion.
Horsing around such as foreplay can last as long as a couple desires to be turned on and engaging in all kinds of sexual play... :) A woman is responsible for her own sexual responses. If she has been damaged by religious teachings negative toward sex, if her parents were repressive toward expressions of sexuality, these kinds of things have to be overcome in the woman's mind so she can free herself to orgasm. A woman also must discover here real passions and also, not be afraid of her authentic sexuality. According to statistics, about half of women don't have orgasms with their partner... that shows the power of negative influences on female sexuality. So, sadly, your woman's response to sexual intercourse is not unusual. She will have to do a lot of work in order to bring herself to having orgasmic responses during normal sex(penis/vagina sex). Best wishes, :) |
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Trust me... the two are not always linked. I've dated a woman that in public was always all over me in an extremely affactionate manner that turned into a total ice queen in the bedroom.
True that has nothing to do with her being orgasmic. But that has nothing to do with her being passionate as well. |
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Does she have any orgasms at all or just not from intercourse (which wouldn't be unusual at all)?
BBC - Relationships - Sex and sexual health - Difficulty reaching orgasm Research estimates 12 per cent of women never reach a climax - and 75 per cent don't orgasm during intercourse. Is it a physical problem, an emotional block, or both? Psychosexual therapist Paula Hall takes a closer look. The most common physical cause is lack of adequate stimulation to the clitoris. The majority of women need direct touch to achieve orgasm, which often doesn't happen through intercourse alone. Our bodies aren't machines - you can't get an orgasm just by pressing the right button The second most common factor is tiredness or general illness. Our bodies aren't machines - you can't get an orgasm just by pressing the right button. If you're feeling rundown, your body's priority is sleep and recuperation, not sexual gratification. Medical reasons There are some illnesses that make orgasm difficult. Broadly speaking, they're vascular, neurological or hormone-deficiency disorders. Orgasmic Disorder: Sexual Dysfunction: Merck Manual Home Edition Orgasmic disorder is the delay in or absence of sexual climax (orgasm) despite sufficiently long and intense sexual stimulation. The amount and type of stimulation required for orgasm varies greatly from woman to woman. Most women can reach orgasm when the clitoris is stimulated, but only about half of women regularly reach orgasm during sexual intercourse. About 1 of 10 women never reach orgasm. Orgasmic disorder occurs when problems with orgasm are persistent and frequent, interfering with sexual function and causing distress. Usually, women who have learned how to reach orgasm do not lose that ability unless poor sexual communication, conflict in a relationship, a traumatic experience, or a physical or psychologic disorder intervenes. Physical and psychologic causes are similar to those of sexual arousal disorder. Depression is a common cause. Orgasmic disorder may result from lovemaking that consistently ends before the woman reaches orgasm. The woman may not reach orgasm because foreplay is inadequate, because one or both partners do not understand how the genital organs function, or because ejaculation is premature. Such lovemaking produces frustration and may result in resentment and occasionally in distaste for anything sexual. Some women who become aroused may not reach orgasm because they fear "letting go," especially during intercourse. This fear may be due to guilt after a pleasurable experience, fear of abandoning oneself to pleasure that depends on the partner, or fear of losing control. Certain drugs, particularly selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors such as fluoxetine Some Trade Names PROZAC (see Mood Disorders: Drugs Used to Treat Depression), may inhibit orgasm. Orgasmic disorder may be temporary, may occur after years of normal sexual function, or may be lifelong. It may occur all the time or only in certain situations. Most women who have a problem reaching orgasm also have a problem being aroused. Female orgasm: Why can't I climax during sexual intercourse? - MayoClinic.com Although some women can reach orgasm during intercourse, many women find it easier and actually prefer to achieve orgasm through oral or manual stimulation of the clitoris. Female anatomy makes it more difficult to be stimulated to orgasm by intercourse than does the male anatomy. These differences between men and women with regard to orgasm often lead to expectations and misinterpretation of meaning associated with response during intercourse. The focus on achieving orgasm and "working" at it are likely to lead to distress and inhibit you and your husband from just letting go and enjoying the pleasure of sexual arousal and activity. The emphasis of sex becomes the performance as validation of attraction rather than on your thoughts and feelings. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/05/17/science/17orga.html Theories of female orgasm are significant, she added, because "men's expectations about women's normal sexuality, about how women should perform, are built around these notions." "And men are the ones who reflect back immediately to the woman whether or not she is adequate sexually," Dr. Lloyd continued. Central to her thesis is the fact that women do not routinely have orgasms during sexual intercourse. She analyzed 32 studies, conducted over 74 years, of the frequency of female orgasm during intercourse. When intercourse was "unassisted," that is not accompanied by stimulation of the clitoris, just a quarter of the women studied experienced orgasms often or very often during intercourse, she found. Five to 10 percent never had orgasms. Yet many of the women became pregnant. Dr. Lloyd's figures are lower than those of Dr. Alfred A. Kinsey, who in his 1953 book "Sexual Behavior in the Human Female" found that 39 to 47 percent of women reported that they always, or almost always, had orgasm during intercourse. But Kinsey, Dr. Lloyd said, included orgasms assisted by clitoral stimulation. G Spot Discovered (Again), Press Are Orgasmic Dr. Petra Boynton has a thorough and insightful analysis of a recently published pilot study that promises to be played and replayed in the media for months to come (and by writers and editors who know what to do with a sentence that ends in come). The Italian study, published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, used ultrasound technology to look at the genital physiology of twenty women, nine of whom reported having orgasms from vaginal penetration without clitoral stimulation and eleven of whom reported having never had an orgasm from vaginal penetration alone. Comparing these two groups the researchers found a statistically significant difference in the thickness of what is called the “urethrovaginal space” between the groups. This is the area also thought to be where the g spot is. While the study has several flaws, to their credit the authors make it clear that this is a small sample and they don't really know what their findings mean. |
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Just supporting all the correct answers above.
I know my partner well. What she hates, likes, needs, etc. "all the right moves" isn't all there is. Wanting an orgasm doesn't mean she's properly prepared for it. And foreplay shouldn't be kissing, necking, feeling her up... that's mostly foreplay for the male, though the woman can certainly enjoy it... for my partner, she needs to be rested, she needs to be relaxed, she needs privacy, she needs to be mentally in the moment, I need to sensitize her skin slowly and deliberately, I need to focus on her first and what she responds to best. And even then, there are times when it might not work out. Sometimes I can be absolutely in control, making all the "right" choices at all the right moments... next time, it might be like I've never been with her before if something isn't quite right. So don't make it her fault or yours alone. You probably need to learn more about how to build sexual tension, she needs to learn what she needs and be willing to demand it, and you both need to learn how to communicate about sex without it being someone's problem, fault, or issue. The more you can talk openly about what is working and what isn't, and then learn about how to do things differently, the better things will be. There's a lot of "tricks" to try, but they really aren't tricks... its just finding what works for one individual. The next person might not be responsive to the same things. |
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I agree with KP, don't underestimate the power of non-standard foreplay! A relaxing bubble bath while you do the dishes can do wonders for getting her in the right mood. Sexy emails or calls during the day building up anticipation & sexual tension certainly are a fun way to look forward to a passionate evening.
More food for thought: The biggest sexual organ really is the brain. The Biggest Sexual Organ Really is the Brain Beverly Whipple has particularly tried to help women who feel confused or weird because their own bedroom experiences don't match conventional wisdom or Hollywood portrayals of sex. VOORHEES, N.J. (By Linda A. Johnson, Associated Press) March 3, 2007 — Sexuality researcher Beverly Whipple made her name a quarter century ago popularizing the "G spot," the elusive female erogenous zone, but she has a different message these days: Move on. "There's so many ways that women can have sexual pleasure," Whipple said. "We can't deny the experiences of women. We have to validate them." Lesson number one: The biggest sexual organ really is the brain. Her most recent book, The Science of Orgasm, co-written with Rutgers neuroscientist Barry Komisaruk & Mexican endocrinologist Carlos Beyer-Flores, explores how the brain produces orgasms & the complex biological processes involved. It documents groundbreaking work showing that, contrary to what doctors tell them, some women with spinal cord injuries can still climax. Whipple said women with such injuries who were still experiencing orgasm came to her for support, so she began a study of others with the same injury. "One woman had six orgasms in 24 minutes," after none in the two years since her injury, Whipple recalled. "She was crying. I was crying." Amusingly packaged in a plain brown wrapper, the book also reports that women can climax after stimulation to a number of body areas or from mental imagery alone. It also covers the health benefits of sex & how aging, medications, diseases and hormone changes affect orgasm in both men & women. Published in October, it's selling well enough that a second printing is in the works. Internationally renowned, Whipple, 65, serves as a consultant on sexuality issues to the World Health Organization & other agencies, and has had her works cited in outlets as incongruous as Modern Maturity and Playboy. Last fall, she was named one of the world's 50 most influential living scientists by New Scientist magazine, the latest of many awards for her decades of research on sexuality and sexual health. A grandmother of five, Whipple is so soft-spoken it's almost jarring to hear her talk in graphic, but clinical, sexual terms. Whipple, who has been married for 44 years to husband Jim, a retired rocket scientist, seems single-minded in her goal of helping couples improve relationships & better enjoy sex. "I would hope women are saying what they find pleasurable & satisfying" with their partner, she said in an interview in her airy, neat-as-a-pin home in Voorhees, a suburb southeast of Philadelphia. "I've devoted my whole career to this." Whipple has particularly tried to help women who feel confused or weird because their own bedroom experiences don't match conventional wisdom or Hollywood portrayals of sex. "Women just thanked & thanked & thanked us for helping them feel normal," Whipple said. Her first book was so well received, she took a 1 1/2-year leave for a U.S. & European book tour. The new book discusses how orgasms or pressure on a woman's G spot can reduce pain, a discovery that may lead to a new painkilling drug & training people to limit pain with their brain. "She's really on that forefront of trying to understand the relationship between how we perceive things in our brain ... & how they're related to anatomy & chemistry," said Stephanie Sanders, an associate director of The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, & Reproduction at Indiana University. "I think that's where her work is so exciting." While some scientists still dispute whether the G spot exists, Whipple says she & her colleagues have found one in every woman they've examined & other scientists duplicated their results, including through autopsies of women. The G spot is a sensitive area that can be felt through the front wall of the vagina between the back of the pubic bone & the cervix. It feels like a small lump, swells when stimulated with heavy pressure & can trigger intense orgasm. Because it's tough to find, it's remained controversial. Dr. Brunhild Kring, a psychiatrist at New York University specializing in sexuality issues, said she thinks only some women have a G spot & that only some couples — sort of "sexual athletes" — are able to enjoy it. Kring said Whipple's recent work is more sophisticated with its focus on issues including the complex role of nerves & brain chemicals as they relate to sexual pleasure. "What she's really contributed is that there are different ways to reach orgasm & that one's not more valuable than another," Kring said. Unlike other researchers who had gleaned information on Americans' sex habits & preferences from face-to-face interviews or large, anonymous surveys, Whipple and her collaborators worked in a laboratory, doing studies on female volunteers to learn how sexual organs, nerves & the brain interact. Early on, she and a former collaborator, psychologist John D. Perry, discovered their volunteers had a mysterious, sensual area inside. Researching medical literature, they found Dr. Ernst Grafenberg of Germany had reported in 1950 that women have an erotic zone there that causes orgasm. They named it the Grafenberg spot, or G spot, & created a stir when they reported on it at a medical conference and in their 1982 book, The G Spot & Other Discoveries about Human Sexuality. The international best-seller, printed in 19 languages, was updated & reissued in 2005. Some feminists & researchers weren't thrilled with the book. Shere Hite, author of the groundbreaking 1976 book, The Hite Report on Female Sexuality, said Whipple's focus on the G spot slowed the drive for women's sexual equality, coming after both Hite & the Masters & Johnson research team documented that more women climaxed from clitoral stimulation than intercourse. The G spot book suggested intercourse alone should satisfy women, said Hite, who continues to research sexuality & write books & columns on the topic. On the other hand, Judy Norsigian, executive director of Our Bodies Ourselves, the education group that publishes the women's health bible of the same name, called Whipple's book an important advance. "It really furthered the science of women's sexuality & of orgasm quite a bit," she said. Asked how all her research has affected her sex life, Whipple, a petite woman who remains trim with frequent exercise, avoided a direct answer. "Our bedroom is not my research laboratory," she said with a laugh. |
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She needs to stimulate herself in front of you till she achieves an orgasm,(she might feel embarrassed but this is very important)watch something stimulating to her only,help her by talking to her in her ears close but let her do everything by herself and hopefully after a few tries she will find what she needs to orgasm.good luck to her!
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