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theryth · Aug 17, 2008, 03:14 PM

I have been dating this guy for 1.5 years, on and off. We broke up once before because I thought he was not right for me and ended up realizing that I was in love with him. We got back together but he was not the same with me. I am 23 and he is 21. I am deeply in love with him. He was distant with me after we patched up (previously he was crazy about me and would be with me 24/7. He would do anything for me and email/call me when I was out of town. He said he could not stay without me if I left him).

I was really sad that he became distant so I said things like I wanted him to change and be like before, and that I was not happy with him and that he was hurting me by spending less time with me. (I think I was being too clingy.) Well After all this he suggested that we be friends because he thought we were more suited to be friends. I initially said no but later agreed. Its been 3 weeks, he says he does not want to lose me as a friend and that he would miss me if we stopped talking. We meet everyday (mainly because we work together) and he calls me everyday. We even went on a road trip together. He clearly does not want me out of his life.

He said that we might get back together... but he was not sure. He says he is almost over me but goes around asking mutual friends about me ans what I have been up to. I am incomplete without him. I am depressed and can't stop thinking about him. Do you think we will get back, or do you think he doesn't want me in his life?

P.S: He says he does not want the complications or responsibility of a relationship right now. He says he wants to be free and have fun with his friends and is not ready for a commitment, he does say that he still has feelings for me and cares for me.

brkfstatiffs · Aug 18, 2008, 11:24 AM

I think you pretty much have your answer if he is straight out telling you that he doesn't want to be in a relationship right now. I have recently gone through the same thing. As a female it's hard to understand men's lame reasonings because we would rather take things slow etc and work it out. But, you have to look at the situation, he is being honest with you so you have to respect it. You probably were a little clingy and that's what initially scared him away, but the more you call him or try to convince him you will change the more he will go farther away from you since he has already made his mind up that he wants to be single again. The best thing you can do (and I know this is much easier said then done) is go out and live your life and hang with your girlfriends distract yourself etc. Let him know you are strong... date other guys do whatever you need to do to take your mind off it, Then if it is ever meant to be maybe you guys will rekindle, but you can't live life waiting for that to happen. You have to be strong and let him know this is HIS LOSS.

brkfstatiffs · Aug 18, 2008, 11:26 AM

p.s. - just my opinion but your shouldn't ever tell a guy he has to change, that probably took a hit to his ego. Try reading Women are from Mars Men are from Venus - it helps.

plonak · Aug 18, 2008, 04:22 PM

I didn't read the last post so forgive me if I'm repeating anything..

I suggest you give him space and start no contact with him.. I don't think you should be available to him at all times and be there when he gets lonely.. and then not have the responsibility of being in a relationship... he can't have his cake and eat it too

So tell him, that he wants space and that you're giving it to him. Tell him you are not going to call him or text him.. and you're not going to be his friend, and that it's not fair to you..

Give him a chance to miss you.. if you're always around he doesn't have a chance to be lonely and think about you...

So, move on try to heal, date other people, and if he decides he wants you back he can tell you, but don't wait around for him it's not fair to you..