[hutennis]

I have cheated on my wife 2 months ago... the women tells me she is pregnant... she got pregnant around the same time we had sex... I pulled out... she says she had sex with her boyfriend around that same time and he did not pull out... If for some reason it is my kid how should I lie... I thought about telling her I donated sperm... but am not sure what to do!! I feel if I am honest it could end up bad. Also, I am not sure if the child is going to be mine!

[Redhudd]

Well lying isn't always the best way to go. But she is lying if she said she is pregnant in 3 days of sex.

The "pull out method" can still get a girl pregnant, even if you do pull out at the right time.

You should get a test to see if its yours first if you don't want your wife to know.

Saying you donated sperm is a very bad lie and won't work.

If you lie and she doe's figure out, then you going to be in a load of trouble.
But if you tell her the truth that it was 2 months ago, its still going to end bad.

Plus you shouldn't have cheated :p

[hutennis]

Thank you red for your response! I realize cheating was not verry smart... now I have to wait 7 months to see if its mine!

[NowWhat]

You thought about telling her you donated sperm? Give your wife some credit. Do you think she is that stupid?
You cheated, you possibly have a child on the way - you need to come clean. It is not going to be pretty - no matter what you do. Lying is not the answer here. You have done enough of that.

If your wife leaves - then she leaves. That is her right. You broke the vows, now you have to pay the consequences.
Don't mean to sound harsh, but YOU put yourself in this situation. Now you need to man up and do the right thing.

[BetrayalBtCamp]

It's going to end up bad because you were dishonest if you thought you could betrayal your wife & get away with it. It will end up worse if you don't confess the WHOLE truth to your wife as soon as posible so you can at least put some damage control in place & help your wife heal from this fiasco before even that choice is taken out of your hands. If you get busted, it will be much much worse for your wife to trust / believe you any time soon & do a whole lot more unneeded damage to all of you & your marriage.

If you need some help figuring out the best way to tell your wife what's been going on behind her back, I'd be glad to help you do that. I won't help you figure out what new lies you could tell your wife to hide this reality going on around her & hope no one else does either.

Your only true salvation lies in embracing the whole truth & presenting that to your wife as soon as possible in as gently a way as you can. Preferably the night before she has a couple of days off from work if she has a job so she can have that much time to deal with what she's been told before having to go to work.

If she has a close friend or relative who could be supportive to her, you might want to enlist their help so they can be close by or there when you tell her. You may want to write out the entire facts of your cheating & let her reading so you can get that out before she breaks down in sobs / anger, which she is likely to do.

Do not give all the nitty gritty sex details unless & until your wife asks for those (& that's a very tricky area to deal with), but do tell her how long it has been going on, who the other woman is, if there have been any other affairs, & if you intend to do what it takes to restore your marriage say so & let her know some things you plan to do like getting professional help in dealing with the betrayal chaos, being fully transparent / accountable, etc so she can feel safe with you again & want to stay married.

[DoulaLC]

If your guilty conscience is getting the better of you, fess up and do what you can to assure your wife it won't happen again... and then make sure it doesn't. She may or may not decide to stay with you but the onus is on you to make good and rebuild the trust in the marriage.
You could wait and see if the baby is really your's or not, and then say something to your wife if it turns out the baby is your's. Once again, you will have to come clean and do what you can to try to make ammends. If the baby is your's you will obviously need to take responsibility if the mother wants you to. (you should even if she doesn't want you to, but I know some people will use that as a "get out of jail free" card)
If the baby isn't your's... only you can decide whether anything needs to be said, but if this other person is in your area, or knows anyone in your area that you know, odds are fairly good that it will come out sooner or later. Better for you to speak up then for your wife to hear it somewhere else.
Whatever you decide, rest assured it will only be a matter of time before you will have to say something. Might be several weeks from now, might be several years from now, but it will most likely catch up to you.
Hopefully this will be a lesson learned... if you are going to play, you better be willing to pay.

[BetrayalBtCamp]

You should also consult an atty that specializes in family law / paternity issues so you can best protect yourself until paternity is established which won't be after the birth.

In some places, whoever files for child support first gets a bigger chunk so if you have children with your wife, you will want to make sure they are better protected in case that child does end up being yours. Otherwise, the other woman may have a right to get her child support out of your total earnings without any deduction for the children of the marriage, but that depends on the laws where you live.