[pale chicken]

I am deployed to a combat zone currently and I have two beautiful steps sons that I consider my own. They are from two different relationships from my wife's past.

While I have been gone the "sperm donor" of the child I have raised since birth ( I met her when she was pregnant) has filed for visitation rights and refuses to sign over rights so I can adopt the child.

This guy rarely makes child support payments ( about once every 6 months) and hasn't seen the child in two years and through mutual friends he has acknowledged that all he is trying to is split me and my wife apart. My question is when he falls behind on child support payments can me or my wife sue him for the back payments and if so can the judge order him to pay my legal fees as well. I think this would be an effective tool to have him sign over rights

Thanks a bunch guys!

Lost soldier

p.s. if it helps I reside in pa

[stinawords]

No, you can't really sue for back support. You can go to court and ask the judge to enforce the order though. You have the government on your side so you don't really need a lawyer to do this. Trust me the government keeps tabs on how far behind he is and will take any tax refund he has coming. So really the best thing you can do is ask your wife to take him back to court to have the order enforced.

[pale chicken]

No, you can't really sue for back support. You can go to court and ask the judge to enforce the order though. You have the government on your side so you don't really need a lawyer to do this. Trust me the government keeps tabs on how far behind he is and will take any tax refund he has comming. So really the best thing you can do is ask your wife to take him back to court to have the order enforced.

The problem is we have done that and he just doesn't pay what the court orders him to. I have a feeling that the court in my area is being to soft on him and I need to pursue more aggressive legal actions. Im basically looking for anyway to get this guy out of our lives.

[stinawords]

The best you can do is ask your wife to petition the court to hold him in contempt. He will get a warning first then they will pursue more strict punishments. Are you wanting to adopt? If your wife asks him to allow the adoption then he won't owe anymore support and you will be the legal father. But as I already said you can't sue for child support. Her other option if he won't allow the adoption is to contact an agency like support kids they will take the case for free and just hold some of what they collect as payment so nothing will have to come out of your wife's pocket.

[Cailleac Bhuer]

You wife could go to the Child Support division in the county you legally reside in and let them handle it, they can get the arrears from him in the process as well as working their other magic, like DL suspension, tax returns garnished, wages garnished, etc. You wife can do itthrough an attorney too, but expensive. Sometimes it is better to let the professional with the county deal with a deadbeat parent. It will also less stressful on your family and you, especailly since you cannot hop on a plane home to help her out right now.

If you go the route of doing it yourself or with the help of an attorney, yes, you can request he pays all legal fees and costs, but most of the time the judge orders each party of the matter to pay their own costs. You can always try and if the judge sees that this expense was avoidable if the other paretn had been more compliant, he may order him to pay your costs. Most attorney's I know in CA always check that box on the form.

Be safe in the sand box

[pale chicken]

I would like to say thank you to the both of you. You have been more than helpful. The problem I am facing is that child services in our area is one level above inept and are constantly losing paperwork or flat out having it wrong. No one in our local government has been moderately capable of helping us over the past two years and my fear is that tune won't change. My basic goal is to make this process miserable for the "sperm donor" until he finally does the right thing and signs over rights so I can adopt. He is already 21 months behind on his child support and while the judge recently told him he had to pay it back she didn't really give him a deadline to do it by.

[Cailleac Bhuer]

Make sure you get a wage garnishment and yes, counties are slow, they are overworked and underpaid like so many public servants these days, I would work with them still just the same. I know non-custodials who blow a fifty amp fuse every time they get a letter from the DCSS.

[pale chicken]

Thank you very much!

Since my wife has custody can she list me as a custodian of the child.

[JudyKayTee]

thank you very much!

since my wife has custody can she list me as a custodian of the child.

List you where and for what purpose?

[stinawords]

I really don't see how you being named a custodian of the could help if even possible. If you are trying to adopt then like I said have her simply ask him to allow it, once he finds out that he would no longer have to pay support he may be willing to go with it.

[pale chicken]

Not really sure actually.

My battle buddy here said that since his wife had sole custody of his step daughter he consented to being a custodian of the child until he could adopt her.

My goal is to stop all furthing court proceedings until I am back from deployment in a few months

[stinawords]

What court proceedings are there going to be before you are back? I ask because most likey and this is no offence toward you they have nothing legally to do with you.

[JudyKayTee]

I would like to say thank you to the both of you. You have been more than helpful. The problem i am facing is that child services in our area is one level above inept and are constantly losing paperwork or flat out having it wrong. Noone in our local government has been moderately capable of helping us over the past two years and my fear is that tune wont change. My basic goal is to make this process miserable for the "sperm donor" until he finally does the right thing and signs over rights so i can adopt. He is already 21 months behind on his child support and while the judge recently told him he had to pay it back she didnt really give him a deadline to do it by.

I post this all the time - using the legal system to make someone pay, make some "miserable," teach someone a lesson always backfires - the Court is not amused and does not want to become a weapon of revenge. I know you look upon him as the sperm donor because you are raising the child; however, he is the biological father of the child you are raising and he does have rights.

Was this not addressed when he and your wife divorced?

That being said - you've received some good advice here. My only comment is that you have no legal standing in this. Your wife does but you do not.

[pale chicken]

We have asked him that and said he would have to think about it. Like I've said before we had found out the only reason he did this while I was deployed was that he wanted to dirve me and my wife apart. He has no interest with the child and at the court supervised appointments doesn't play with him. My interest is in if he decides not to sign over rights what things I can do legally to make him regret that decision

[stinawords]

There are no legal things you can do to make him regret the decision to not want to allow an adoption period. That is not what the law is for. You may want to realize that he is the bio father and will always have rights whether he wants to be involved. I realize you have been raising the kid but keep in mind that you will only hurt the child by having an attitude like that. I suggest taking some time to cool down because emotions get the best of people sometimes. The other thing as Judy pointed out is that you have no rights! It's great that you are willing to step up and try to be the dad that the kid deserves and the child will probably look at you as a father rather than his own when he is an adult but you have to know that you have no legal rights in this situation.

[cdad]

we have asked him that and said he would have to think about it. like ive said before we had found out the only reason he did this while i was deployed was that he wanted to dirve me and my wife apart. he has no interest with the child and at the court supervised appointments doesnt play with him. my interest is in if he decides not to sign over rights what things i can do legally to make him regret that decision

There is nothing you can do to make him regret it because iof he wants to he could get 50% custody over time. Also be very careful with any threats you make against him because those can turn full circle and then you're the one left empty handed . ( like judy said ).

If you take him to court for contempt for not paying child support then yes you can ask for lawyers fees but your still liable to pay them regardless of the decision of the court. If they can't collect from him then you're the one that pays anyway. Also you need to find out that if your already using an agency if you can even address the matter because she may have signed over her rights to collection to that agency. ( its like double jeapordy )

What state is all of this taking place in ? That also would help as far as knowing what to ask for and what you could expect.

[JudyKayTee]

we have asked him that and said he would have to think about it. like ive said before we had found out the only reason he did this while i was deployed was that he wanted to dirve me and my wife apart. he has no interest with the child and at the court supervised appointments doesnt play with him. my interest is in if he decides not to sign over rights what things i can do legally to make him regret that decision

You can do nothing - you have no legal standing.

Your wife can pursue him in Court. He's the person she chose to father her child. As such he has legal rights. He cannot be stripped of those rights because she has moved on or because he's, at best, irresponsible.

Unfortunately, that's how it is "legally."

[pale chicken]

I appreciate everyone's posts and it appears I ruffled feathers. I understand that the law is not tool for revenge but to have this done to you while deployed would make anyone angry thank you all and have a nice day