[beekay2008]

My wife was involved in an affair about 10 months ago and I found out. I was upset, moved out for 3 days and was really annoyed. We have since then been trying to work things out and have sought counselling. As part of our open-talk process I wanted to know where she stands with that relationship, and she told me that though she regrets the affair ever happened, she cannot give any guarantees going forward that this may not re-occur either with this person or another man, and I suspect she may still be talking to this person, under the guise of just being friends. Much as I tried to cope with the pain, and had considerations for family and our 2 kids (11 yrs and 8 yrs), I am feeling uncomfortable with this kind of an answer. I have done a lot of soul searching and determined to tell her that I am not able to deal with a triangle relationship and want to leave, and yet not sure if this is the right decision. Most of the time, its usually the men that are considered the bad egges, but here is man whose dignity is being dragged in the mud. Anyone experienced a situation like this or know anyone who has passed through this? Will appreciate your answers.

[Lowtax4eva]

If she can't give any guarantees this won't happen again then she doesn't see this as a big deal. I'd say it's probably time to leave. Then again you stuck with her for almost a year after it happened making it seem in her mind that you've forgiven her.

It really comes down to how much you believe her that she regrets this and your probably the best judge of her character.

[BetrayalBtCamp]

At least she's being honest that she will not commit to be completely honest or faithful & could easily cheat again when she feels like it, but that really hurts to have to deal with.

I think the odds are good she is still in the affair & if not, her thinking is still in "affair mode" which isn't condusive to a good healthy monogamous marriage. You are in counseling & just as it takes the betrayed spouse time to absorb the shock of it all, it takes time for the wandering spouse to get the affair fog out of their system.

If they keep the affair going, that will never happen & things will only get worse. Breaking off all affair activities is the minimum she needs to do in order for things to possibly get better between you two.

There are other men in your same situation you can talk to & read a lot of helpful stuff about getting past infidelity at this site:

SurvivingInfidelity.com - Support for those affected by Infidelity

Good Luck!

[NowWhat]

My husband had an affair. It was the worst time of my life. I would not wish that pain on anyone.
We are still together. We have had counseling and there were promises made. The biggest one was that he never talk to the other woman again. No contact.
I stayed because, in my heart, I had to. I couldn't break my family apart.
I am glad I stayed. It has worked out for me.

Your situation is different. Your wife is TELLING you that she can't guarantee that she will be faithful. That is huge!
Staying for your kids does not make sense. The relationship (example) you show your kids is basically telling them "this is what marriage looks like". Is this the life you want for your children?
I would imagine you will never be able to trust her again. Eventually you will grow to resent her and that is going to show through to your kids.
They deserve to have 2 happy parents. That does not mean that those parents have to be together.

Based on what you have told us here - there doesn't seem like there is much to save if she can't even commit to be faithful.

[talaniman]

though she regrets the affair ever happened, she cannot give any guarantees going forward that this may not re-occur either with this person or another man

Sorry this conversation, and marriage is over.