[20anonymous08]

When I was at the studio last night my fiancée kept calling me... I don't know what to do with him. Even the producer said the last female he had signed to his label left the label because of her boyfriend getting jealous and in the way. He was even brutally honest saying that my music career just may ruin my engagement. I love my fiancée with all my heart but music is my life. I hate to say I would leave him for my music but the thought has crossed my mind. I told him when we first got together that music will always come first and he has to accept that. But I wasn't doing nearly as much as I am doing now back 5 years ago. And we now have a 2 year old daughter. I hate to be in this situation. Would it be wrong to give him an ultimatum? I don't want to lose him but I am not giving up my music career for anyone! I knew another girl here in my hometown that had a 10$ million dollar contract on the table with Def Jam and she gave it up for her boyfriend. I don't want that to be me. If I was to be single again I wouldn't want another boyfriend I need to really focus now. I guess a way to put it is I want my cake and be able to eat it too, in regards to wanting to stay with my fiancée and being able to work on my music with no restraints. The producer even asked me if my fiancée would be cool with me going with him to shows like in Denver and so on. But no he wouldn't he would want to come and I don't know if that's an option because the producer would be paying my way. I am going to sit down with my fiancée tonight but I wanted to talk to someone else about this first. I don't want to hurt him but he is hurting me by standing in my way you know. Can I just tell this is the way it has to be and there are no options... The ball is in his court whether he wants to accept me being gone frequently or if he would rather be with out me... HELP PLEASE!!

[jjwoodhull]

I don't think it's necessary to give him an ultimatum yet. Sit down with him tonight and in a reassuring, loving way explain to him what you have just explained to us.

Tell him that you love him very much and that you want to be with him and him only. Then explain that you have worked very hard and long to get to this point in your career and you are now at a crucial moment where all the hard work could soon pay off. Let him know that you are doing this because you want the best future possible for you and him and your child.

Tell him that you miss him while you are at the studio, but that the phone calls are a distraction. Explain that you would rather keep things moving there so that you can get home sooner.

Tell him that you are going to have to be going on business trips to promote yourself. Make it clear that his going will not be an option. Remind him that you will miss him while you are gone, but that you are doing it for both of you. Remind him that you will not be tempted to stray because he is the man that you want to be with.

If he feels wanted and loved then he should trust you. If he loves you then he should want success for you.

[talaniman]

That was good advice by JJ, and I can only add, he is insecure and needs a lot of reassurance, recognize that, and give it to him often, especially when your away. He may be second, but he is yours. Phone calls, and texts, will help. Also setting some times for him contacting you, will mean a lot to your peace of mind.

No need for ultimatums, when you just have to set, and agree on, some boundaries to, define how you handle keeping in contact.