[Sammie66]

I just miss her.

Things just seemed to go against us. I hate that she's not in my life. I know I should move on and find someone else but she was the one I had always wanted and I'm never going to find anything the same.

When it was going well with us I was so happy and so was she. She just drifted away from me because of her job and because I broke up with her when I got scared. I thought I was doing the right thing by not lying to her, but I probably acted too quickly and without thinking it through properly. I forced her to move on.

[busterite]

Its normal to miss her because you are still not over her. And the fact that she is around is not helping much either. Accept that this feeling will not go away for a while. Don't suppress but don't let it take over.
Firstly you should move on and stand on your own two feet before you find someone else.
You won't find anything the same, you are right, but you will find something you will enjoy more. Don't idealise what you had because its not letting you move on. And don't blame yourself, she made her choice and you just have to accept it. Im on the same boat here and know what you are going through.

[talaniman]

The best thing I could tell you would be lose the enemy, but the enemy is you. Stop beating yourself up, and get with the program. Crying and wallowing for 30 straight days is enough for anyone so, when do you start the healing process, and love yourself above all else?? Don't you know how?? You have had many good suggestions, so when do you start??

[Sammie66]

I might have a date this week. I've been texting a girl and she seems really nice.

I know I'm not over my ex, so I'm a bit apprehensive. It's just that when I started finding out about my ex, we had so much in common it was ridiculous. Maybe everyone feels like that I don't know. But everything from her dress sense, her music tastes, the poses she had on her graduation photos, it was like discovering the female me. Maybe that's part of the problem though. Maybe we were too similar.

I'm going to take it slow with this girl I'm going to date. I don't want to use her as a rebound. I want to see what she is like, and decide if I like her. I'm going to try and not compare her to my ex, but that was one problem I had about my ex - I had nobody to compare her to. I always thought I needed a comparison to base my feelings on, then I realised I loved her for her and not because she was "better" than anyone.

I don't know what I should really do here. Go on the date and move on is the best way I think I can do this.

[talaniman]

A date just for fun, and not anything else, sound s like a good idea.

[Sammie66]

I just feel like I'm cursed. I think about things far too much. When were together I ended it by thinking too much, then after we split up I am just torturing myself by thining about it.

I can't get her out of my head.

Seriously, if I had written down the things I wanted from a woman before I met her, she'd have been 99% her. And I know we aren't going to speak again.

I know it seems like I've put her on a pedestal, but I know she wasn't perfect. She was just so close to it and I acted like an idiot and forced her to fall out of love. I ruin everything.

[HeadsHigh]

I can't get her out of my head.

A month down the line of me and my ex being apart I thought I was actually going insane. She was constantly on my mind no matter what I did.

You must wholeheartedly make yourself busy and focus! Don't do things for the sake of it, do things you genuinely enjoy and force yourself to be around people. Build up new relationships and work on old ones. You need good friends at a time like this.. but trust me it does get better.

[Sammie66]

I think she was initially attracted to me because I appeared confident - I was on top of the world while we dated but then when I wasn't seeing her because of her job, I got a bit down and it was when I was the most down, she left me.

I'm not that confident really and it's hurt me so much.

[HeadsHigh]

I Hear you man.. it's a tough process to get through. You must pick yourself up and find a happy healthy life without her. She's moving on and you have no choice but to face that she isn't the one for you.

Could you really forgive her for doing this to you? Could you forgive her for getting with another guy so soon after you guys split?

[Sammie66]

I've thought about it and I really don't know. I'd have to see her face to face and see what emotions come up.

I may have 2 potential dates coming up now. Dating websites are mad!

I hope I find someone I like more than her. Either way, I hope she comes sniffing back round and I can stick it to her if I'm happier.

[Ithappenstoall]

. Either way, I hope she comes sniffing back round and I can stick it to her if I'm happier.

This is not the way to go, do not do this for her to come around. This is for you.

[Sammie66]

Oh I know, but it would be nice to see her admit she made a mistake. Won'y happen though. I'm horrible in her eyes.

[busterite]

Wouldn't it be better if you realised that this wasn't the girl for you and that there was someone else that was 100% of what you were looking for in someone, irrespective of whether she will admit she made a mistake?
You cannot just take her out of your mind. You just need to distract yourself and focus your thoughts elsewhere.
I felt like I was on top of the world right before I started dating her. After 3 years she cheated on me and ran off with someone else when I was going through the roughest patch at work and my life in general. But you know what, things happen for a reason and this happened to test whether she could stand by you during tough times and not just the good ones. You wouldn't want to be with someone that runs off when things get tough. I know I was there for her at all times and I have no regret for that because I knew where I was standing at all times. Don't doubt yourself and don't bring yourself down.

[Sammie66]

I understand all that.

Put it this way - I loved her more than anything but I kept getting scared. I was the one doing the running, because every time it felt like things were getting serious, I ran. We both felt the same about each other but I just had to overthink things and panic. She was good enough to come back to me twice after I dumped her. But obviously I had hurt her so much and put too much doubts in her mind.

So I am the bad guy. If it was her after advice you guys would all be saying "lose this jerk". The sad thing is I totally loved her and made stupid knee jerk decisions until I forced her to have to move on to someone else.

My love for her just grew and grew, and hers did too, but then I'd ruin it by breaking up with her when I panicked. I was scared of being in love and now it's gone.

I know I'm never going to find anyone like her. The 7 months I was with her will probably be the peak of my life because what we had was so special.

I've been chatting with this other girl by text and email and she seems really nice but I know already from things she said that she won't be as good for me

[talaniman]

You made a mistake, forgive yourself, and move on and prepare for what life has to offer you.

If your negative attitude is any indication as to what you need to be working on, you better get busy.

I know I'm never going to find anyone like her. The 7 months I was with her will probably be the peak of my life because what we had was so special.

We all feel that way after a break up, and after only knowing someone for only 7 months your whole outlook is pretty pathetic. I have been nice up until now, but sitting on a pity pot this long is redicules, beating yourself up is stupid, and and you really should get your azz up and moving and get a real life.

[busterite]

You might be right about the advice that people would give her but no one would tell her to jump into another relationship so fast and move in with someone without even thinking about it. Both of you might have made mistakes and it is good to analyse them and realise where you went wrong but not obsess over them. This did not happen overnight and whatever you did at the time seemed right.
The timing for everything was not right and you both panicked.
If you really make youreslf believe that the time with her was the peak of your life then you are being unfair to both yourself and the next person in your life. People set their own limits and even before you meet someone you believe she won't be as good for you then you will not even give her a chance to prove whether she is or not. Just calm down and let new things come into your life.

[Sammie66]

I walked past her on the street last night. Didn't have any urge to talk to her at all. I just kept my head down and carried on walking. She probably never saw me. I think I'm getting there.

I have a date in 2 hours. I really hope it goes well. I've been emailing a girl from a dating website and we seem to get on well and she looks pretty from her photos so fingers crossed. We got onto the topic about ex partners and I almost blew it by telling her about my ex so I know I must never talk to anyone about her again.

[Sammie66]

So my date last night went incredibly well. We got on like a house on fire and she's so different to my ex. Only problem is there's a few things about her that I don't like. She's not as cute and safe and the kind of girl my parents would approve of if you know what I mean. But she is really fun and we had a great time together.

It's a tough call, because my ex was perfect - exactly the type of girl I wanted. And I did want to marry her. This other girl is so different, a lot more "zest" and confident and I know she isn't suitable for me in the long run but she's fun and we had a great time together. It's strange.

[Sammie66]

Hmm.

Just got back from my date's apartment. I'm beginning to see things differently now.

Apparently I'm really clingy and started to irritate my date by trying to touch her and kiss her. It made me feel like I was a bit annoying and wonder if my date was really into me.

My ex dumped me because I didn't show her enough attention and made her feel annoying and wonder if I was really into her.

So I've obviously gone from one extreme to the other! Gone from one really clingy dependent girl, to one really independent & less affectionate person.

I can tell it won't last with this new girl already but we can have some fun for a while I guess.

Obviously I'm somewhere in the middle of those two because my ex gave me all the affection I needed, but sometimes (usually when I was tired in the morning) I didn't give her enough affection and it irritated me that it upset her. This new girl won't give me what I need and I'll irritate her.

I'm glad I'm learning these things. Just wish my ex hadn't been so clingy because I loved her so much. And I am really clingy too, so I don't get it. I'm seeing it differently though.

Already my new date and I have spoken about clingyness and her apparent disinterest. That's more than what my ex ever did with me. I wish my ex had asked me straight up how I felt about her rather than assume because it would have stopped both of us getting hurt. I can see that although I made mistakes, it wasn't my fault that we never talked about it because I didn't know she was unhappy and she might end up doing the same in this relationship she's jumped into. I've had a good 3 months to analyse and I'm not taking anything quickly with this girl!

The girl I'm seeing just explained that she was just really tired and wasn't feeling like hugs, etc. but she really liked me. I think I can be the same sometimes and be like a zombie.

[FULLofRACQUET]

I have read pretty much through all of your posts because I am going through pretty much the same thing. It has been a week and a half since my ex broke up with me.

Here is the link to my post:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-248629.html

I just wanted to let you know that there is somebody else out here dealing with the same type of emotions. I know that might help sometimes. Congrats on taking the steps to try to move on!