[KupCake]

I am not really sure what category this falls under so...

I am normally a very understanding person, but my situation is making me a tense and unreasonable one. I moved to Texas from Oregon to be with the guy I love, which is great. The one thing I am having issues with is the whole living arrangement. We live with his mom and I want out. He and I pay the Light, gas, water, cable(which includes net and phone), and 300 dollars on her mortgage payment, all together we give her over 750 a month. She pays her credit cards that are all maxed out and 200 on the mortgage. I was okay with helping out with all of the house bills a few times, but now we pay it all all the time and we have asked her for help and she says she can't. This has become her usual response and we are tired of it, but my partner doesn't want to leave her on her own. We fight about money all the time, because we both need clothes and shoes as ours are all falling apart. Yet here she comes from the mall where she works with new this or that all of the time. She has gone through his wallet, she has gone through our room, she complains to all her friends that we do nothing and have no responsibilities... When we try to confront her about things she cries and locks herself in her room, for days she'll just come out to go to work and get her food or go to the bathroom. My partner doesn't know how to deal with it and I have never had to deal with a person like this before so I don't know what to do. We have been offered a way out by a friend that has seen how unhappy we are becoming. She has a house that she would rent to us, three bedroom two bath, no problem with us having pets because it is just two cats. She didn't even want us to pay rent, just to maintain the place would be enough. He readily said yes and set a date for us to move, but he has yet to tell his mom. I don't want to push him to do it, but at the same time I want her to be ready so that she can't say we didn't warn her that we were leaving. I mean, even when my partner's cousin tried to help us out her response was why are they complaining they are getting paid. The cousin said yes, but it is not fair for them to have to pay it all by themselves. His mom was even told that one of these days we were going to leave regardless of what she thought. Mom said I know, and the cousin said would you rather it be on good terms or bad terms? She threw a hissy fit... We have even asked her to show us her bills so we could see what could be worked out, she only shows us what she has written down, never the actual bills themselves... I am at my wits end and am tempted to just get up and run, but I love this guy and we have invested three years in our relationship. So am I wrong in wanting him to grow some... nerve and tell her that she has to grow up and take care of herself? Am I wrong for wanting us to start a life out on our own? I feel like I am asking too much, but we are getting to the point where there is more silent treatments and tizzy fits where she is concerned along with sudden I feel sick I need meds and so on and so forth. I cry and he gets mad, but we feel like there is nothing we can do at this point. Any thoughts, advice? Anyone please?!

[twinkiedooter]

It seems here that your boyfriend is a momma's boy whether you realize it or not since he happily puts up with his mama's tantrums. He's essentially "taking care of" his mama now and it is costing you money and emotions doing it.

Would suggest that you get the other house's no rent just take care of it in writing and then move asap giving mama little or no notice of doing this. She's a big girl, remember, having obtained a home somehow and successfully maxed out all her credit cards prior to you ever meeting her. Sonny has no legal or moral obligation to continue living in her house taking her abuse while she happily spends all her money and expects others to pay her monthly bills. If Sonny does not want out of this situation at his mom's house, I would suggest that you sincerely re-think your 3 years investment in him and either leave him or go along with happily supporting mama until he grows up and thinks for himself in about 20 years.

What were your living arrangements before moving into mama's house and paying for everything (or practically everything)? Did you have your own apt and just move in her house to help her out for a little while?

You crying and getting mad is only natural, but it's not getting you any brownie points with sonny, I can tell you that. You don't need meds, so don't start that route as it will only be a band aid on your problem and escalate into something more than just a few pills now and then to deaden the pain you rightfully feel about being taken advantage of.

Stand up for yourself and sonny and don't take mama's baloney. Get out while you have an out. Just be sure to get the house terms in writing so no one can say you are living in that house without paying rent and get evicted for nonpayment of rent, etc.

Good luck!

[N0help4u]

I agree he is so wrapped up in helping fix his mothers problems that he has no concern for a future for you and him. If he does not get while the getting is good you could be stuck there until mom dies. Can you live like that? Take your friend up on the offer with or without him.
If he can't cut the apron strings now he never will and if you do not break away while the door is open you may be stuck there indefinitely too.
I say get away or you are going to be suffering and miserable is he worth that??
So when the day comes to move to the place your friend has offered go and if he comes too he comes too if not then que sera sera.
You do not owe his mother a notice you are leaving he should be the one to give her notice that he or he and you are leaving but if you leave by yourself you owe her no explanation.

Mom sounds like a drama looking for attention.

[twinkiedooter]

Kupcake - I misread your post about just who was taking the meds. Sorry.

I'm glad you are not even entertaining the thought about taking meds.

[0rphan]

Kupcake... you must both go without a shadow of a doubt, be sure and sort out all the legalites of the move.

I can see up to a point where your to be Mother-in-law is coming from... lonelyness is a terrible thing, I'm sure this is what she is concerned about.
Assure her that you will visit her regularly and I am sure once she gets used to the idea everything will work out fine.

I know right now you just want to get away from her but obviously her son will want to visit, you will find eventually all of you will get on much better for being parted.
AS she realizes that she is still part of the family you will probably become good friends in future years...