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firesteph111 · Aug 7, 2008, 10:19 AM

I am 23 years old and have 2 kids. My husband and I have been together since middle school. I feel like I am trapped in a marriage that I am emotionally abused by an alcoholic. I want out but have no where to go I have not worked and have no resources. I have met someone that is willing to help and is close to me and my husband should I accept his help or should I try to stay and deal with it?

JudyKayTee · Aug 7, 2008, 10:21 AM

Originally Posted by firesteph111

I am 23 years old and have 2 kids. My husband and i have been together since middle school. i feel like i am trapped in a marriage that i am emotionally abused by an alcoholic. i want out but have no where to go i have not worked and have no resources. i have met someone that is willing to help and is close to me and my husband should i accept his help or should i try to stay and deal with it?

What does "help" from "him" mean? An affair? Financial support? Trade one set of problems for another?

I think you have to ask yourself exactly what is being offered and what you are asking here.

N0help4u · Aug 8, 2008, 03:08 PM

I agree with Judy and...
If he is willing to help you AND your husband it should be done through your husband rather than through you so there are no mixed messages going in any direction. From him to you or from impressions your husband may get, etc...

natasblue · Aug 9, 2008, 03:30 AM

I would never suggest to end a marriage that was brought together by GOD except that, you can't take it anymore and you and GOD both know that you and your children desrve better. And hun, if you are miserable than you just are!! So, listen it's obvious that you have been with this person for a while and you know them inside and out. Sometimes leaving the person for a long time is exactly what he need to shake the hell out of him. As far as your friend helping you out, exactly what are the terms and "your mutual friends" intentions. Wheigh your options and stay true to your morals. But by all means seek the help you need for you and those kids, you know what you are worth and please keep in mind as this is a very hard thing to do, leaving the person you love, this is not your fault, this most likley is not about you. He is going through some things with his own life that can not be explained within his own head and simply cannot attend to your emotions anymore since his are so strongly screwed up. Just a thought. Hope it helps. GOD BLESS!!

bluejeangal · Aug 9, 2008, 11:48 AM

You might want to check out shelters to see if they would accept you and your children. They have resources (not funding) to help you get into housing and to help you find a job.

I know the friend is trying to help, but when you two are thrown together in a situation, things can happen, and once it happens you can't undo it.

Maybe if you are serious, your husband will see that he needs to change and you can renew your relationship and save your marriage, but if he thinks you have left him to be with someone else, when drinking you don't always think rationally, you just may be throwing your marriage out the window without giving him a chance to change and with fgiving him legal ratification for divorce.

You also may be stepping out of the frying pan into the fire.
If your friend wants to help you, make it separate dwellings. You don't want to be made to feel your are obligated to this man and be taken advantage of in your situation.

Think about your obtions and about what could be the worse scenerio in each moves you may make and be willing to live with the consequences.

Don't jump from one bad situation into another one.

You are stronger than that and it may be hard but you deserve the chance to stand on your own ( with some help, but no obligation) feet and make your own choices.

Good Luck in all you do!

mary219 · Sep 2, 2008, 05:59 PM

Originally Posted by firesteph111

I am 23 years old and have 2 kids. My husband and i have been together since middle school. i feel like i am trapped in a marriage that i am emotionally abused by an alcoholic. i want out but have no where to go i have not worked and have no resources. i have met someone that is willing to help and is close to me and my husband should i accept his help or should i try to stay and deal with it?

Just worry about you and your child the last thing you need is another relationship I know your afraid so am I but you can make it.

NNT12 · Sep 2, 2008, 06:04 PM

No get out as quickly as possibly, you only live once. You should take the kids and move on. Your going to just look back in the future and think what if I did this what if I did that. Just do it and get out. If your not happy there's no reason to stay with him. "if" you two have already tried to work things out once, and it didn't work then why would anything change now.