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    a guy's Avatar
    a guy Posts: 1, Reputation: 1
    New Member
     
    #1

    Aug 6, 2008, 10:09 AM
    Post first date ambiguity
    Thanks again.
    jjwoodhull's Avatar
    jjwoodhull Posts: 1,378, Reputation: 239
    Ultra Member
     
    #2

    Aug 6, 2008, 10:20 AM
    It sounds like bad timing. Since meeting you her dog got sick. This is probably really devastating to her. It's not surprising that she is not seeking the company of you - someone she hardly knows as new and developing relationships can be exhusting. At 35 she should already have a great network of friends and family members to turn to in difficult times. It is nice that you did offer her your support, though. I'm sure she appreciated that.

    If they did put her dog down, I can see why you wouldn't hear from her. She is probably too depressed to talk to anyone.

    Give her a few days, then call her. Texting sends the message that the topic is not important. If she is receptive to your call, ask her out on a specific date. If she says yes, that's great. If she says no, then you will know it's over and you can move on.
    JBeaucaire's Avatar
    JBeaucaire Posts: 5,426, Reputation: 997
    Software Expert
     
    #3

    Aug 6, 2008, 11:01 AM
    Remember the days before texts? When you had something to say you just waited until you saw the person and told them, or spoke on the phone directly... remember that?

    You need to lose the sarcasm or you will lose the woman. If you don't feel guilty for pushing a text into her world and then following it with guilt because she didn't drop everything to send you your required "yes/no", then you need to recheck your guilt bone. It appears to be faulty.

    Texting someone feels like communication has started, but it hasn't. It isn't even remotely like speaking on the phone, and it carries none of the tone and depth of even a voice message on an answering machine.

    Until you can honestly feel the intrusion you caused by pushing at her with texts, then guilting her for being to busy to bother with texts of her own, until you can understand how lame that is, I'd stop using texts altogether. Perhaps only as responses to other people's texts, after all you seem to think all texts should be replied to promptly, so that should work for you.

    Your friend (girl) is going through a LOT. Pets are like people to some folks, so don't miss how catastrophic this may be for her. Your voice messages are a good step. Never, ever, ever add a "why don't you answer me" comment in your messages. Just call and leave a message with information.

    If she replies, fine. She doesn't have to. And based on what's happening in her life, not answering you may be perfectly reasonable, so you will always give people you care about the benefit of the doubt, OK?

    Make an offer to a specific movie on a specific night your treat, but if she doesn't reply assume that means "not available", not "I'm hurting you by not answering." Let her go through her stuff.

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