[SouthernBelle06]

Hi, this is my first post. Can anyone help me? I was in a long distance relationship with a guy for a year. Everything was going great, no arguments, no talk of anything wrong, plans for my possible move to his location, when out of the blue, he broke up with me. This happened in January. He told me he met a girl closer to him, hadn't meant to, but it "just happened", and now just wants to be "friends" with me. He said nothing happened, but said he must not have been happy with me or he wouldn't have noticed anyone else. Needless to say, this devastated me. I told him I couldn't remain friends.

He left me alone about a month, then started emailing me again. I had hoped he had contacted me again for a reconciliation as I had missed him and still loved him. He would email that he was sorry he hurt me and hoped I didn't hate him. He never mentioned the girl he dumped me for, and I never asked about her. I didn't want to know. I did start emailing him again, trying to act as if I was fine and didn't want him back, and was just talking to him casually. The problem is that I still do want him back! I continued to email him in a friendly way, never mentioning our relationship and kept hoping that he would tell me he was single and wanted to get back together. He never did. The week came when I would have been flying to spend two weeks in his city, and I was upset that everything had fallen through, as the trip was something that he and I had discussed and planned in detail in January. I finally asked him why he had started contacting me again. He said, "I thought we were friends." I was kind of upset and said, "To be honest, I don't really consider us to be friends. You hurt me. Did you really think that it would never come up again?" He seemed totally uncomfortable that I mentioned what happened and ended our conversation. He said, "Well, if you want to be friends, you know where to find me." Then he stopped emailing me.

Well, I started to second guess myself when I didn't hear from him in two weeks, and I contacted him again. I didn't mention the conversation that we had and just talked about casual things such as my job, and a trip coming up with my best friend. He has been nice, didn't mention the conversation either, but still treats me like a friend or sister. I almost sense that he may still be somewhat mad at ME for saying that I don't really consider us to be friends when I was upset. This is all devastating to me. I still don't understand what happened, why we even broke up in the first place, and how a man can go from being totally hot for you to treating you like a sister. It hurts when he tells me about his life, things that he does, etc, knowing that I am not in it anymore.

I haven't replied to his last email, and this is driving me nuts. Bottom line is I want him back. I don't want to be "just friends" and I certainly don't want him telling me about another girl if he is with one. Especially the one he dumped me for in January. I still love him, miss him, and want him back. It sucks because I had planned to start searching for jobs in his city and would have been moving to him later this year. Now I just feel lost. What should I do? Is there any way to get him back? I almost feel as if he is "mad" at ME and if I don't reply to his last email, I may never hear from him again. Any help would be appreciated. :confused: :confused: :confused:

[sea breeze]

Hiya

Don't mean to sound hurtful but it doesn't sound as if he wants to be won back.

There are plenty of tricks and tactics out there, none guaranteed but the bottom line is they have to want it to.

They say break contact, reply if he contacts you but not immediately and act as if you don't want him back. Its all quite manipulating really and then after some time when he doesn't bite the 'bait' you may feel worse and eventually snap at him and he will not have a clue what the matter is because you have behaved like you are happy to be friends.

Unfortunately the only thing you can do is accept its over and try your best to move on. If it is meant to be then it will be and tricks and tactics will not work if it isn't meant to be. He will come back on his own eventually if that's what he wants to do.

In the meantime don't waste your time crossing days off the calender. Get out have some fun, flirt, boost your confidence whatever way you can and in time you may not even want him back.

Its difficult when your life plans change without you having any say in it but it could be a blessing - only time will tell. Rather he did it now than when you moved away from family and friends.

[valinors_sorrow]

There is being in love with someone and then there is being in love with "love" and unfortunately the internet makes being in love with "love" so very very possible and easily confused with the real thing. Sadly, I sense this isn't the real thing you both had and you can take this experience as a "Big Wake Up Call" that your method of falling for someone or their ability to gain your trust is naïve at the least and pretty flawed at best, especially if this was over the internet.

Please put both feet in reality and meet people face to face before your feelings are ever this involved again? I believe this to be your lesson in this: meet them and get to know them from many angles (their friends, their familiy, their work, etc.) so that you can confirm that they are who they appear to be. It's a shame we share the world with people who for whatever reasons can't be forthright with us (they may be confused, ill-intended or down right phoney) but we do.

Take care.

[SouthernBelle06]

Valinors_sorrow, no, this wasn't just a fantasy internet romance where it was nothing but email exchanges. Though we originally did find one another and begin talking over the internet, we did meet and get together in person several times over the course of a year. He has met all of my friends and family in person, we have vacationed together, made love, etc. He stayed in my apartment when he was in my city, etc. He would call me every day. It started over the internet, but it did become a real life/in person romance. I wouldn't consider it to be just a "fantasy" thing. Had we never met in person, one might say it was merely fantasy, and I would agree to that, but that was not the case here.

[SouthernBelle06]

Valinors, I wish to add that I do know what you were saying though, and I agree with it. Thank you for your input.

[talaniman]

Even with all this technology long distance relationships are very hard to maintain and obviously you loved him more than he loved you. As hard as it is you must gather yourself and move on,and for your wounds to heal, cut all contact with him and work on putting your life in order. We've all been in your position and I know it is hard to grasp but get back to the reality of making your life happy.Good luck:cool: :)

[fredg]

Hi, southernbell,
Long distance relationships are, most of the time, hard to follow through with. Being there, in person, is completely different than emailing, phone conversations, etc.
Emailing is like "falling for" an idea, a person's actions; but many times are not the same as the person themselves.
This man is not serious. If so, he woulnd't be talking about others; he would be talking about you and him.
Aren't you glad you didn't really move just to be with him?
I know it's hard to get over someone, but you really have to move on. Meet men in person; SMILE, it shows you like yourself, and they will like you, too.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

[SouthernBelle06]

Thanks for your replies. This guy has started contacting me on his own now, but it still sounds as if I am s**t out of luck in this situation : ) Any harm in being friendly if he contacts me, while all the time knowing he doesn't give a s**t about me? Or should I snub him? Is this what they mean by no contact? Is no contact defined as my not contacting him on my own? And is it OK to reply if he contacts me? Or should I just not talk to him at all, even if he contacts me? Tricky..

Wildcat21, I have read a lot of your responses to others and you always seem to give good advice. Any advice you can give me here? If so, I appreciate it :confused: :(

[fredg]

HI,
"No contact" means not replying to any of his emails, not talking with him on the phone, nothing.
If you don't want to be "just friends", then it might be much better for you to move on... "no contact".
It's your choice.
Best of luck.

[Krs]

Thanks for your replies. This guy has started contacting me on his own now, but it still sounds as if I am s**t out of luck in this situation : ) Any harm in being friendly if he contacts me, while all the time knowing he doesn't give a s**t about me? Or should I snub him? Is this what they mean by no contact? Is no contact defined as my not contacting him on my own? And is it ok to reply if he contacts me? Or should I just not talk to him at all, even if he contacts me? Tricky..

Wildcat21, I have read a lot of your responses to others and you always seem to give good advice. Any advice you can give me here? If so, I appreciate it :confused: :(

Ask yourself this question :-

Do I want to have any contact with him knowing he is JUST a friend?
If your answer is NO, then forget all the contact, why bother, so you get hurt, because you know he sees you like a sister or just a friend.

Sometimes in life you have to be selfish for your own good.
If you had no feelings for him then yes, stay in touch. But when there are one way feelings involved, for get it, what's the point!

Life is too short to dwell over things.