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headache · Aug 4, 2008, 08:55 AM

Ok, so I started seeing this wonderful girl about a month and a half ago. A week ago she told me she was pregnant.

My question is this; She was on her period when I met her, assuming she hasn't been with anyone else since we've been together, is it for sure that it's mine?

Luv2Dance · Aug 4, 2008, 09:01 AM

How far along is she? Weeks/months pregnant?

jjwoodhull · Aug 4, 2008, 09:05 AM

It is possible for a woman to get her period in first month or two of pregnancy. She needs to see her doctor and find out how far along she is to know when she got pregnant.

donf · Aug 4, 2008, 09:06 AM

Well let's see. Did either of you use protection? If you did, the discussion is over.

If you did not, after the baby is born ask for a DNA test.

Just out of curiosity, why would you even begin to think that the lady might be bedding down with an assortment of other guys.

Personally, I would give the process a little bit longer before pressing the panic button. Less than a month is way to early to guess.

headache · Aug 4, 2008, 09:08 AM

Originally Posted by Luv2Dance

How far along is she? weeks/months pregnant?

We haven't gone to the doctor yet, just planned parenthood to get the test done. But guessing around 5 weeks. Which is right around the time I met her, so we would have had to conceive on the first or second time or something.

But my point is that she was on her period when I met her. Does that validate anything?

headache · Aug 4, 2008, 09:12 AM

Originally Posted by donf

Well let's see. Did either of you use protection? If you did, the discussion is over.

If you did not, after the baby is born ask for a DNA test.

Just out of curiosity, why would you even begin to think that the lady might be bedding down with an assortment of other guys.

Personally, I would give the process a little bit longer before pressing the panic button. Less than a month is way to early to guess.

She was on birth control, but other than that, no.

I'm not thinking that she has been sleeping with a bunch of other guys, but I just met her, you know? I don't know how recently she slept with someone before we got together. And I'm just freaking out a little, because first off, I was told by my girlfriend that she's pregnant, and secondly it's just so soon, and I'm wondering if it's for sure mine.

donf · Aug 4, 2008, 09:28 AM

Don't panic yet! Wait for the confirmation first, then panic. Personally I would stay miles away from any abortion factory. Clearly there intent is to sell the abortion.

I say that because my wife and I have one son. We lost three others due to medical problems. There is not a day that goes by that we do not wonder what our world would be like if we were to have been able to save the three sons we lost.

It is so much harder on a woman than a man. I have counseled women who have had abortions for a myriad of reason, but they also wonder, what if.

I knew all about the pain my lady was in and there was nothing I could do to ease the pain.

Please think first before you choose and abortion. The child didn't do anything wrong!

Luv2Dance · Aug 4, 2008, 09:31 AM

Ok... well if it's confirmed by Planned Parenthood that she's def. pregnant and you THINK she's 5weeks and that's AROUND the time you meet here... she COULD have slept with someone just prior meeting you... you don't know that for sure or not... you didn't know her than... you know... so don't stress anything just yet. I know you're not thinking she was sleeping with a bunch of guys... but you said this is a new relationship... and a baby is kind of a BIG DEAL I'd say... so I'd want to be sure... wouldn't you say?

I would just try to relax, I know it's hard... it's a stressful situation... and request a DNA test... it's just too short and close of a time to fully trust that it's 100% yours.

Best of Luck to you!

headache · Aug 4, 2008, 09:38 AM

Yeah honestly, I didn't want kids ever, and I'd rather not now. But she really doesn't feel comfortable with abortion now that she is pregnant. But I do love this girl even though we haven't known each other long, but it's been one of those crazy things that we are both very happy our paths crossed... and if she is going to have a kid I'd rather it be mine, but I want to be sure.

Can the doctor tell us a conception date? Would it be accurate?

Luv2Dance · Aug 4, 2008, 10:07 AM

Yes, the doctor would be able to give you accurate dates... I'd stop play guessing games because that's just more stressful and take the visit to the doctor with her! :)

headache · Aug 4, 2008, 10:10 AM

Originally Posted by Luv2Dance

Yes, the doctor would be able to give you accurate dates...I'd stop play guessing games because that's just more stressful and take the visit to the doctor with her! :)

Well, then I guess that will tell me yes or no. I hope it's accurrate. Maybe I should still get a dna test? Thanks for the help everyone.

Any more insight would be appreciated.

Luv2Dance · Aug 4, 2008, 10:19 AM

Originally Posted by headache

well, then I guess that will tell me yes or no. I hope it's accurrate. Maybe I should still get a dna test? Thanks for the help everyone.

Any more insight would be appreciated.

DNA test... DING DING DING... we have a winner... WITHOUT A DOUBT!! Good luck hun!

jjwoodhull · Aug 4, 2008, 10:19 AM

Have you asked your girlfriend how long it had been since she had sex before having it with you? Do you believe she would answer the question honestly?

Once you know the date of conception from the doctor, it will all be clearer.

Also, try to remember - as much as you are freaking out, it is 10 times worse for her.

Synnen · Aug 4, 2008, 10:19 AM

The ONLY way you are EVER going to know "for sure" that the baby is yours is if you have a DNA test done after the child's birth.

Conception dates are too weird to predict, unless the woman has only had sex ONCE in the possible window of conception.

My advice to you is to either accept the child is yours, regardless of paternity, or get a DNA test when the child is born.

headache · Aug 4, 2008, 10:33 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

The ONLY way you are EVER going to know "for sure" that the baby is yours is if you have a DNA test done after the child's birth.

Conception dates are too weird to predict, unless the woman has only had sex ONCE in the possible window of conception.

My advice to you is to either accept the child is yours, regardless of paternity, or get a DNA test when the child is born.

And this is what still freaks me out. She says she is sure it's mine. But if I won't know for sure until it is born, what am I supposed to do until then? And what to do if it's not mine?

Synnen · Aug 4, 2008, 11:34 AM

Well, THIS is why I recommend NOT sleeping with someone until you can be absolute sure about their past.

She's sure it's yours, hmm? When was the last time BEFORE you that she had sex with someone else?

Like I said--your choices are to either suck it up and accept the kid as yours, whether it is, or disappear from this girl's life and get a DNA test after the baby is born, at which time you'll either find out how long you'll be paying child support, or you'll find out how justified you were in leaving.

Look--there are no guarantees. No one is going to be able to tell you that baby is yours until there is a DNA test. Conversely, no one is going to be able to tell you it's NOT yours until a DNA test. You can stick with this girl and be everything she needs right now during a pregnancy, or you can split (which would be kind of a jerky thing to do) and wait to find out IF the child is yours.

Unless the last time she had sex with someone besides you was longer ago than 2 months before you were dating, it could go either way. If she slept with someone a week before you, then there's no way of knowing.

We can't tell you what to do. YOU need to decide what's best for you. If you care for this girl, then stick by her regardless. I'd still get a DNA test when the baby is born, but if you really care for her, then it won't matter in the end anyway.

headache · Aug 4, 2008, 11:54 AM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Well, THIS is why I recommend NOT sleeping with someone until you can be absolute sure about their past.

She's sure it's yours, hmm? When was the last time BEFORE you that she had sex with someone else?

Like I said--your choices are to either suck it up and accept the kid as yours, whether or not it is, or disappear from this girl's life and get a DNA test after the baby is born, at which time you'll either find out how long you'll be paying child support, or you'll find out how justified you were in leaving.

Look--there are no guarantees. No one is going to be able to tell you that baby is yours until there is a DNA test. Conversely, no one is going to be able to tell you it's NOT yours until a DNA test. You can stick with this girl and be everything she needs right now during a pregnancy, or you can split (which would be kind of a jerky thing to do) and wait to find out IF the child is yours.

Unless the last time she had sex with someone besides you was longer ago than 2 months before you were dating, it could go either way. If she slept with someone a week before you, then there's no way of knowing.

We can't tell you what to do. YOU need to decide what's best for you. If you care for this girl, then stick by her regardless. I'd still get a DNA test when the baby is born, but if you really care for her, then it won't matter in the end anyway.

Well, I want to be with her regardless, it's just a lot to handle right now and my mind is racing constantly. I wouldn't disappear from her life or anything if it were to turn out that it's not mine, but at the same time, financially and emotionally for me to take care of a child, I would want it to be mine, not someone else's

donf · Aug 4, 2008, 02:12 PM

Hey Headache,

Using your own words, I have a question for you. "Yeah honestly, I didn't want kids ever, and I'd rather not now."

Why haven't you gone ahead and gotten your wings clipped before this happened? Seems to me, if you wanted to prevent yourself from being a parent you would have; practiced abstinence, worn protection or had a vasectomy?

All of which would have prevented your current state of anxiety.

Synnen · Aug 4, 2008, 02:17 PM

Originally Posted by headache

Well, I want to be with her regardless, it's just a lot to handle right now and my mind is racing constantly. I wouldnt dissapear from her life or anything if it were to turn out that it's not mine, but at the same time, financially and emotionally for me to take care of a child, I would want it to be mine, not someone elses

Honey... what you are failing to understand here is what I've pointed out a couple of times:

If you take responsibility for the child, love the child, and disregard biology--the child WILL be yours.

Biology has NOTHING to do with being a good parent. Ask any adoptive or foster parent. Ask any child of an abusive biological parent.

If, however, you will only love the child if its DNA matches yours, then you may as well split now.

Alty · Aug 4, 2008, 02:56 PM

Originally Posted by headache

we havent gone to the doctor yet, just planned parenthood to get the test done. but guessing around 5 weeks. Which is right around the time I met her, so we would have had to concieve on the first or second time or something.

But my point is that she was on her period when I met her. Does that validate anything?

It is possible that she ovulated during her period, so yes, you could be the father. As for birth control, only abstinence is 100% effective, so once again, even with birth control, yes, you could be the father. Are you for sure, no one here can tell you, only a DNA test can.

Good luck.