[dazeconf0989]

This is really hard for me talk about, but I need some advise.
So... my dad is a alcoholic/cocaine addict.when he's not on drugs, he's a pretty cool guy,but when he is on drugs he turns into a monster. He gets violent and angry at anyone around him. He's done so many messed up things to me and the rest of my family. Me and my sister have seen every kind of abuse. I have unbelievable anger towards him. I wish I could hate him, if I hated him then things would be so much easier. But for some reason I just can't bring myself to give up on him because even though he still treats me like dirt there is that tiny speck of hope that mabey he will change. I'm afraid he never will. And why should he, he gets to go out and party,drink, and do cocaine and the consequences of his irresponsible actions rest upon the shoulders of the ones who love him.I wish I didn't love him. I'm sick of paying consequences for problems I never had. I'm not the alcoholic, I don't have a drug addiction, but still I am affected. I just don't know what to do anymore. The anger is eating me alive. My mom always wants to talk about it, that just makes me more upset, brings back memories, memories that I have worked very hard to suppress. I know that's unhealthy but it's the only way I know how to deal with it.
How do I rid myself of this anger?
What should I do?

[1705]

I don't know if you've ever seen that show on A&E called "Intervention" but it shows that the families of addicts are just as affected, if not more so, by the addict's behavior.

You may want to attend Al Anon support meetings. If you're religious, maybe you should talk to a priest.

There is a good book (soon to be made into a movie) called "Beautiful Boy" about a father's coping with his son's addiction to meth.

I'm surprised that your mom continues to stay with your dad. I think I would take my kids away from that and raise 'em by myself, in order to protect 'em from it.

[Alty]

Have you considered therapy? I think that would be a huge step in helping you move forward. You are stuck, that's why you can't move on. You say you want to hate him, he's just a person with an illness, a self inflicted one, but an illness none the less. He's the only one that can change himself, no you. So, you have to move on, realize that the past is the past and the future is up to you and you alone.

Good luck.

[NowWhat]

He's your Dad. Of Course you love him. Don't beat yourself up for that.

Now - have you and your family ever thought about an intervention? Getting him help so he can live a healthier life?

My family and I did an intervention with my brother, who was an alcoholic. It was the HARDEST thing I have ever done. We hired an intervention specialist who came with us the day we did it. He walked us through everything we needed to do. Told us how we needed to have a rehab waiting for him when and if he accepted to go. He even had us write down what we wanted to say to my brother and had us role play before hand. He gave us editing tips with what we said because the goal was to have my brother HEAR us and not cause a fight.
The day of this thing, I thought I may throw up because this could have very well ended my relationship with my brother. But, with script in hand - we marched into his house at 6am, woke him up. Had him sit down and listen to us. There were a lot of tears, but in the end, he went to rehab with out a fight. And has been sober for almost 5 years now.

In the mean time, get counseling. There are things that have happened to you as a result of his addiction. You need to be able to process that in your head.
Start attending Al-Anon and Al-Ateen (depending on your age) there is also NA, for narcotics.
Here is Al-Anon's web site. Check it out and see if it helps.

Welcome to Al-Anon and Alateen

Good Luck.

[SweetDee]

Well, you seem to me to be a very sweet and loving person... even at YOUR OWN expense. It sounds like you really need to think about what would be best for you in your life. It's all good and well that you love your dad... (as his child, kids just love their parents naturally, unconditionally), but he's an addict and in this day and age, (.. living in the land of "Mental Health" w/ all the information at our finger tips about living a balanced life and our well being... ), we KNOW that addicts suck the world dry. They are sick people. They have a "disease". We also know that supporting them in any way is wrong. It's serves ONLY to hurt US no matter how well intended we are... we're the one's who end up getting sh*t on! There comes a point in time where we have to make a choice. It seems to me that you wish you could hate your dad just so you could get off scott free of having to delete him from your life. But how do you that if you're living w/ him? (I'm assuming that your are living w/ him.. ). He's ill and there is nothing that you can do for him. He needs to do it for himself. He's in the process of falling into hell and he's taking everyone around him... and YOU have to do everything in your power not to let him be able to take YOU. You'll have to disconnect from him. As awful as that will be... you'll have to do it, if you love yourself. It won't be easy. But it WILL set yourself up to feel more distant from him... Hopefully one day he'll get help, but till then you HAVE TO CHOOSE YOU... you need to keep your distance. You need to live your OWN life and keep away from his sick one. It might be a good idea to tell your mom that talking about him keeps you "plugged in" to him and you NEED your distance. Surround yourself w/ people who make you feel good. Focus on your OWN life. Keep your dad far away... Keep busy, get a hobby... (sports, library, painting, glass blowing if you have to! JUST KEEP BUSY AND GET GONE), hang out w/ friends a lot... get involved in a romance... How about working out? Perhaps keeping out of the house when dad is getting pissed and behaving like a fool is the first best defence. You NEED to protect yourself. How about getting a job? Or a second job... at the very least you'll make some $$$$$$$$!! You have the right to feel safe and happy... I truly believe in therapy and professional help, however if you're a child, (under 18) then it's quite hard to get help and pay for it by yourself. I gave you some options of how to keep away from your dad. I hope they were helpful. Just believe me when I tell you that just because this is your life right now... it does not mean it's going to be your life forever. You will eventually have the option to move out of the house that your father lives in. How about moving in with an aunt or an uncle? Or your grandparents? Good luck. Keep in touch. Xo