[farmgal]

I'm 16, my boyfriend is 18. We've been going out for almost 6 months. Lately we've been fighting a lot more than we should be and I don't know what I can do to make it stop.

[ISneezeFunny]

Depends... what are you two fighting about? Your question topic says "flirting"... who's flirting? He's flirting with other people?

[farmgal]

Well it's difficult. He's says that I'm flirting with other guys. Im friends with mostly guys because I really don't get along with other girls too good.

First incident, I had a b-day party and invited an old boyfriend. I talked to my current boyfriend about invited my old one to make sure that there wouldn't be any problems and he said that he was fine with me inviteing my ex. The next day (after the party) he accused me of likeing my ex. I denied it, but he wouldn't believe me and he said "i kno you still like him, but its ok" and that he's not going to break up with me.

Next incident I went to camp for a week. When I came back, I made plans the next day to go fishing with one of my camp friends (a friend that I've known for 2 years... longer than I've known him) and he got really mad that I made plans with this other guy.

The next few were really recent... like this week.
I participate in our county fair (since I was 10) and I have a friend that I've known since he was 5. I'm now 16 and he's 11. This kid always gives me hugs, but reaches for more. We've always just laughed about it, but his brothers set him strait. Well my boyfriend came with me to the fair and saw how the 11 year old kid was and my boyfriend was there instigateing. He was saying stuff like "kiss her on the cheek". And so the kid did it. Later he has a "serious talk" with me about how I wouldn't let the 11 year kid do that to me if I didn't want it.

Another group of friends that I hang out with there are ages 13, 14, and 15. They act like 14 year olds and they do immature things like grabbing my butt or my boobs. And I respond by whacking them. Well when my boy-friend found out about what was going on (I wasn't keeping it secret) well he said stuff like "oh, there all over you becasue your hott" and "i know i picked a pretty one because you have boys crawling all over you" he thought it was cute how they tried so hard to get my attention and he said he was so lucky to have a girl that so many other guys wanted. And then that night he gets mad about me spending time with them more than I wan't to spend time with him.

And no he is not bi-polar.

[ISneezeFunny]

I never thought he was bipolar... more immature than bipolar.

Seems like a guy with really low self esteem and some jealousy issues.

I suggest you two have a sit-down and talk about this. Not fight. Actually, bring it up to him and say, "I want us to have a serious conversation. I don't want us to fight...I don't want us to yell, I want us to seriously discuss something."

And start talking. Don't blame him for anything, don't blame yourself. Bring up the issues you two have, such as...

The ex issue... the 11 year old... and the rest of your friends.

Come together to some conclusion, some sort of an agenda of how you two are going to work this out.

[farmgal]

He does have really low self-esteem. He's always saying things like "i don't know why your still with me" "i don't know why you put up with me"
And the more he says stuff like that, the more I start to think he's right.

He's told me if I cheat on him, he still wouldn't break up with me. What is that supposted to mean? He practically expects me to. I don't know if he expects me to be that low and slutty or what.

He blames me for him not having a job. And he practically told me that it's MY FAULT if his best friend dies while serving time in iraq. He makes it feel like everything bad in his life is my fault.

But then he's always saying things like "i don't know what i'd do without you" "i'd have nothing if i didn't have you"

[ISneezeFunny]

Yeahhh I know those types of guys.. . I'd love to tell you and say that these guys actually change to get better... but... they rarely change while they're still in the relationship. It's mostly after the breakup, after they find time to adjust and change things in their lives, that they improve.

However, I'm always one to suggest never giving up... so do try to sit down and have a talk with him... maybe even about his low self esteem. Tell him exactly how you feel when he says these things to you.

The job thing, the best friend thing (which is really an awful thing to say, but I'm sure he was under distress).

Having a happy relationship stems from actually being happy with oneself... a guy who's not happy with himself thinks that having a girlfriend will boost his ego, confidence, etc... but that's only for a minute... the rest, he has to work things out on his own.

Have the talk, try to suggest seeing each other less throughout the week so that you two can actually do things you each want to do (tell this guy to get a job, go join a gym, hang out with his friends, etc)... he'll take it as a breakup... but really, I can't see him working these things out unless he starts taking steps himself.

[farmgal]

I have tried suggesting that we spend less time together. Just tonight I suggested that I take him home around 8 so that I could take a shower and get to bed early. He got mad because I didn't want to spend time with him. And then he wouldn't let me drive him home! He walked.

But just an hour before that we were dancing together in my barn, with the rain comeing in, listening to one of our favorite songs "where the green grass grows", while playing with our goat, the goat that he considers to be our "kid" because we helped birth it... litterally.

I don't know how things can go from being so incredibly perfect to being so crappy.
He has been an amazing boyfriend, and trying to talk to him is going to start another fight, trust me, he'll just bring up something else that is bothering him, well never resolve it, well only hide it so that it can pop-up again another day.

There's more conflicts... he's talking about getting married, where he want's to live. And I'm still thinking about the fact that according to my parents I've only been allowed to date for 4 months. And I'm sure as hell not ready to settle. But if I let him go, when I am ready for marriage, he's not going to be there anymore.

[talaniman]

Sneeze is so right this guy has some issues he needs to work on, and has made you his universe. He will drive you away, no matter how much you like him. Talk to him about getting some advice, and why. This will get worse unless he takes action.

[TheBugsLife]

Girl you are 16 yrs old your to young to be worried about love and a real relationships.. enjoy being a teenager... you should be thinking about having fun with friends and school you have many many many years to worry about boys... don't stress this one