[britishlover]

Hello everyone,

I need a little bit of "words of wisdom" if you will...

I have been with my husband now for almost 3 years. He has two kids, one is 3 and a half the other is 5 and a half. We recently just got custody full time of the both of them. And the are wonderful kids. I am having a tough time getting the bad habits that the kids have learned from their mom out of their system. They have learned bad language, to hit, both still wear diapers to bed, the youngest doesn't even talk. We put them both in school asap when we got them to get them to be around other kids and to start to learn. They have NEVER been to school and/or daycare in their ENTIRE lives. These children need stability in their lives and she thinks she is the best parent.

The problem here is, their mother! She is a terrible witch! She was a terrible mother, and thank goodness for the safety of her children she gave them to their father. She is consistently getting evicted, doing drugs, can't keep and job. And she is making my life miserable! She calls my mother trying to make my mom feel bad for her, when my mother doesn't but she feels that she should be nice to her just cause she is the kids mom. I hate it!

I just don't know how to get her to back off and realize that her children are PEOPLE and not pawns in her game of life. She thinks that the world owes her something and she needs to just back off!

Just the fact that she gave her children up should be proof enough that she is terrible.

My question I guess is, how do I raise the kids to know what is right and wrong if I'm not getting the right respect from their mother? And should I just back off and leave it up to my husband and his ex since they are their children? How much of this do I have a say so in? Thank you!

[N0help4u]

Does she have visitation? IF she does it is going to be even harder because everything you spend weeks accomplishing she most likely will tear down within the little time they are with her. Can you get a restraining order or would your husband be willing to go that route?
What does he say about the whole thing?
If your mother sticks up for you and your husband maybe she will realize she isn't getting the sympathetic ear she wants and back off calling her.

[britishlover]

Yeah she has visitation every other weekend. And as far as a res. Order? There is NO way we could do that. The second that we tried to do that Im afraid that the kids mom would just take them and never give them back. She is crazy like that.

[gottagetout]

I absolutely understand how you feel. You seem to be very upset and heated about it, and that's okay. However, you really just have to let that go. You will never be able to change her or the things that she does, so don't fret about it. You must be a pretty awesome person and love him very much to care so much about his kids. I also have two "quasi-step-children" and I absolutely love them-but I know that it can be really hard to deal with the ex. What I would suggest is that you do the best that you can and love them and set boundaries and they will appreciate you and respect you for it. It sucks to have to do all the hard work but it will be worth it. You should sit down with your husband and figure out what kind of parenting is acceptable to the both of you so that you won't argue about it later on.

Good luck! I have mad respect for you!

[N0help4u]

Even if you get a restraining order against her she can still have visitations with the kids
But if she is that crazy you are most likely right.

[britishlover]

Good luck! I have mad respect for you!

Thank you SO much! I thought that I was the ONLY person who was a young step mother trying to make this work! Its nice to know that Im not the only one:-) Thank you so much for the complement! Its GREATLY appreciated!

[frustrated_2]

I too have a situation very similar to this. The positive on my end is that she don't get them every other weekend due to distance. However it only take 8 weeks to brainwash(per say) them over the summer, weeks of father and I trying to put them back together. Good luck and wish I had better advice/answer for you. I am doing what I can and hope one day the kids will realize

[southerngalps]

You have the children more. I think you should definitely use your methods with them and discipline them. It will be hard when they go back with their mother and come home acting strange, but it will be worth it to try... otherwise you might just be miserable and this situation will put a strain on your happiness and marriage. I do feel very much for you. Me and my boyfriend didn't have custody of his youngest, but we had her every other weekend. Her mother sounds just like their mother. It was hard because she had her most of the time. You have the advantage... you have them more. I wish you nothing but the best :)

[simoneaugie]

Their mother is a drug addict. Even if she wants to love and care for her children, the drugs come first. You can not change that. What you can be is a mother to them that respects them and demands respect in return. They may get mad at you and try to revert to bad behavior learned over the weekend. But you can be their rock.

Having been there, I know. If someone had come to my house and seen how horribly my children were being cared for, the state would have intervened. When company came over, I hid the evidence. She may not be fullly capable of caring for them even on the weekends.