Need some help

whatthe??? · May 9, 2006, 03:27 AM

I have been dating this girl for the past 13 months. She is 12 years younger than me and is 19. We have spent almost everyday together for the past year. A week ago she acts like she wants nothing to do with me. Wants to hang out with her friends all the time, doesn't want a hug or kiss from me doesn't show any affection towards me. Any ideas on what I can do. I would do anything for this girl and am willing to do whatever to hopefully not lose her. Any ideas? Should I just let her be and let this play out or what?

fredg · May 9, 2006, 05:29 AM

Hi,
She is 19, and you are 31 yrs old? I am 64, married now for 29 yrs. My wife is 6 yrs younger than I.
Sounds like your 19 yrs old girlfriend isn't ready for a long-term relationship commitment; she still has some "growing up" and learning about life. At 31, you are very much ahead of her in the "learning about life" department, and have had many, many more experiences that her. She hasn't had all these experiences yet, and can't, tied down to just one person.
I would wait and see what happens. She is telling you that she wants some time; time to be with others, time to "find herself".
Meantime, it's going to be hard on you. I would start talking with others, meeting new people. Let her have some time by herself. Eventually, you will both know what will happen, if anything.
I do wish you the best, and good luck.

Krs · May 9, 2006, 05:50 AM

The age gap I believe has a lot to do wi it. Mainly because of the fact that she is 19. If you were 40 and she was 28 than that would be a bit different but a 19 yr old has still a lot to learn, still a lot of things and experiences to do. Althou saying that I was 19 when I meet my husband. Im now 27 and he is 30. So we grew up together and experienced lifes ups and downs together, and we both still have a lot to experience together.
So saying that at 19 I was prepared to live my life with my man and no one else.
What did you used to do as a couple?
Did you go out together and do things you both enjoy?

milliec · May 9, 2006, 06:06 AM

It's not just the age gap, but, as KRS said, it the age each of you reached: you're at diff. life stages what interests you, might bore her, what she likes might seem, maybe amusing at the beginning, but this won't last.
Millie

whatthe??? · May 9, 2006, 06:36 AM

We have done a ton of things together. Some things she enjoys, and things I enjoy. I do agree it's probably the age issue. I was there for her when she was going through some rough times and fell in love with her. I will always be there for her but this is killing my insides. Frustrated just frustrated!

Krs · May 9, 2006, 07:12 AM

Im sure it must be hard for u, but try keep your chin up. There is so much love you can give when that person don't want the love they are given.
Try talk to her, explain that you are hurt, and see how she responds to it.

Krs · May 9, 2006, 07:13 AM

Originally Posted by whatthe???

We have done a ton of things toghether. Some things she enjoys, and things I enjoy. I do agree it's probably the age issue. I was there for her when she was going through some rough times and fell in love with her. I will always be there for her but this is killing my insides. Frustrated just frustrated!

You said you were there for her when she was going through times?
Is she all OK now?

Krs · May 9, 2006, 07:14 AM

*rough times* I mean...

valinors_sorrow · May 9, 2006, 07:15 AM

At the risk of sounding overly simplistic, have you asked her about it? Such as, "Lately I have noticed you made a change in your availability for spending time with me . . . so that i better understand, can you tell me what is making this change occur and why?"

Wildcat21 · May 9, 2006, 07:56 AM

She's too young. Move on. She hasn't even reached her wild girl stage. She needs to date a lot of guys.

whatthe??? · May 9, 2006, 08:18 AM

I have asked her about what the change is and I am hoping this will pass in a week or so but I am not sure. She is not through her rough times with a tough family history and basically I was the only one that would listen. I know we spent a lot of time together and now I miss that time we spent.

whatthe??? · May 9, 2006, 08:22 AM

She says she isn't sure she wants this anymore she still wants to be a friend and she doesn't want to break up because she would hurt me.

valinors_sorrow · May 9, 2006, 08:34 AM

Then I believe you have your answer - cut her loose or give her lots of space with the hope that she changes back. However, if the only reason for not breaking it off is to spare feelings, then I would think the first option would be the best choice? Good luck.

J_9 · May 9, 2006, 08:37 AM

It is not only age in numbers here, but age in developmental stages. Fhe has not yet reached the stage you are in and there is no way to reach that without experiences.

Krs · May 9, 2006, 09:11 AM

Originally Posted by whatthe???

She says she isn't sure she wants this anymore she still wants to be a friend and she doesn't want to break up because she would hurt me.

So really and truly she does want to break up wi u?
I don't know if this is harsh but it seems to me that you where there for her when she was down, and now that she is slowly recuperating seems to me that she don't need u, she said herself she isn't sure she wants this anymore.
You were her rock at d time and a shoulder to cry on...
I mean she is staying wi you so she won't hurt u... mmmm that's bad... it as if she is feeling sorry for u!!
Think about it

J_9 · May 9, 2006, 09:56 AM

Sounds as if she was using you to get through a time and now she is done. That just goes to show that she is developmentally younger than you.

Krs · May 9, 2006, 10:34 AM

Originally Posted by J_9

Sounds as if she was using you to get through a time and now she is done. That just goes to show that she is developmentally younger than you.

My point completely

Wildcat21 · May 9, 2006, 10:38 AM

Women of all ages will do that.

talaniman · May 9, 2006, 10:52 AM

She sounds like a perfectly normal 19 year old to me. Could you have fallen deeper in love than she did or do yo expect more from her than she is willing and able to give you? Take the high road and let her grow and be a 19 year old with out the pressure you making her something she isn't ready for. She may be gratefully,but she isn't ready for the kind of relationship you want . Quietly move on:cool:

Krs · May 9, 2006, 12:00 PM

Originally Posted by talaniman

She sounds like a perfectly normal 19 year old to me. Could you have fallen deeper in love than she did or do yo expect more from her than she is willing and able to give you? Take the high road and let her grow and be a 19 year old with out the pressure you making her something she isn't ready for. She may be gratefully,but she isn't ready for the kind of relationship you want . Quietly move on:cool:

Always nicely said Talaniman ;)