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Is it really over after 5 years?
My girlfriend and I have broken up after living together for 4 years. We got into a fight about a week and a half ago. She went out to a club and I made some stupid accusations. Hurtful Words were exchanged between us.
That night we went to bed together and didn't really talk about it (the fight). The next morning she seemed fine. We had coffee. She was even talking about her engament ring that I was planning on giving her. We spent the day together and then she went to the beach with a friend of her's 2 hrs later she came home from the beach and said that she was getting a place of her own, and that she didn't love me anymore! I asked "what about your ring?" she said "i don't want it!" 2 months ago we were even trying to have a baby! I asked her about that and she said "i don't want a baby with you anymore!" It's funny 3 days before the fight she looked in my eyes and told me she loved me. You could tell she meant it too! I can't understand all this! Now she found a small apartment of her own (even though she can't afford it) and has moved most of her stuff out. She left behind a few things like her doll collection and special things her grandmother gave to her. She basically just took her clothes, bath stuff, and a TV, and dresser. The rest is with me. What I can't understand is that she keeps text messaging me asking me about stupid things. She sent me a message asking if I could find some socks of hers because she only has a couple of pairs! Roughly every two days I will hear from her like that. If she calls me she is in a fine mood. But if I call her she just says "what?" in a cranky tone. Her younger brother lives with us and she asked if he could continue staying there with me until he goes to university in the fall. I have been spending time at her mother's place talking with her and trying to explain why we had the fight. Her mother understands and wants us to get back together, but doesn't want to push at her daughter in case she keeps her away. Should I stop talking to her mom? I asked my g/f if it bothered her and she said she didn't care. When she comes to her mother's place she ignores me and then drives away after talking to her mother for a few minutes. Her attitude is very cold or bitter now towards me. Her mother says that she (my g/f) is not sleeping well and hasn't been eating much. This is confusing me! I sent her an email explaing how I was sorry about everything and how things would be different, but she just says "it's done I've made my decision... I don't want to be with you. I can't be with you... Find someone else better than me. That last one threw me off too! She told me she was going camping this weekend with friends, and had come to my place to pick up some camping gear. This make me nervous for some reason and my mind keeps telling me stupid things. Is there still a glimmer of hope? Or is it done? People tell me to give it time, and give her space. I hate to waste 5 years like this! It's been the first real break-up ever! We had a fight once before about something stupid and she went to her mom's for a couple of days. Please help me. I'm going crazy being alone. I think she is just mad and says she doen't care. I think there is still love there. Well, I hope! :confused: |
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I am sorry for you. But I honestly think she doesn't care, she wouldn't of got her own apartment, that tells you something. Her texting you every couple of days here and there, I honestly wouldn't answer her. She made her decision to move out, and that's exactly what you should give her. YOu have to work on yourself, you matter now, not her. Yes, five years is a long time, but marriages, dating, we all go through it. I wouldn't talk to her mother, by continuing down this road, it doesn't give u time to heal. Do something for yourself, go out with your friends. I know its easier said than done. Myself, if she tried to contact me again, I would just tell her to pick up her things, she made the decision to move out.. She seems like she is playing you. She also could be interested in someone else, you never know. Then see what happens, once she gets all her belongings. Right now she expects you to be there, and I wouldn't show her you were there anymore, give her a wakeup call, its what she wanted and honor her decision..
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Take a deep breath, go for a walk, and try to look at things from an outside P.O.V. on your situation.
Sounds to me she is gone and probably not going to come back. She keeps calling you and stuff to make sure you are still around. I think this is the time tested " another guy/don't want to grow up fast" situation. There could be a multiple amount of reasons she broke up with you( the fights, coldfeet, children, another guy)and either way she has changed from the person you once knew. I think she summed all of she felt when she said find someone better then her. Go to NC and take up a new hobby and go to the gym. In time the pain will pass and life will get better, but for your sake if she comes around NC her. Things are going to be tough for a while but they always get better. |
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From a lady's point of view, she lived with you for 5 long years and that gave her an overview what it's like being married to you and unfortunately, she didnt receive the best treatment and your last fight was her call.
Sounds like its not easy for her too. You should learn next time. Should you wait? Only time can tell. For now, stay NC. |
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Jesus dude, that sucks. What did you say though, what were those "hurtful words"? Anyway, this is going to be painful for a long time. It won't go away anytime soon.
But the fastest way to making the pain go away (WHICH IS WHAT IT IS ABOUT NOW!) is to stop talking to her. And her mom. Her mom is not helping you get over her. Trust everyone, no matter how awesome SHE WAS, your primary concern is to MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY, not figure out how to make a broken relationship work. Good luck. --Cali |
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First of all leave her family alone, and get your own friends to have fun with. This is over all right, no doubt, so box up her stuff, and give it to her, so she has no reason to check up on you. She has to live with her decision, and you have to heal, and rebuild your life.
It will take some time to get her out of your system, and fill the hole in your soul, so love yourself enough to disappear from her life, and get your own. |
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When you said the hurtful words and were most likely accusing and confrontational
She most probably say it as a side of you she never saw and never thought could be you. You most likely scared her and threatened her independence. When she calls tell her to get all her things. Also tell her you do not want her calling you because it doesn't feel fair to your feelings in having to try to get over her then having constant reminders by her calls. Tell her if she has second thoughts you are there but you can't handle just hearing from her if she isn't wanting to get back together. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder so MAYBE if she isn't calling you at her convenience she might see how much you really mean to her. |
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 Originally Posted by lovesickguy
Tell her to calm down and that you loe her and that you will be happy together... |
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Originally Posted by chazz149
3 days before our fight she told me she loved me in a very sincere meaninful way, so I'm still thinking she does and that she is just really mad at me right now. We keep "running into" each other on a fairly regular basis since this fight. Like I said before she send me text messages usually every 2 days or so asking me random stuff. She is acting very cranky and cold towards me, so maybe if we don't see each other or anything for a few days or a week it might make her less irritable. I don't know if there is hope or not. |
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Originally Posted by lovesickguy
You her love for you before the fight. This doesn't mean to say that she Still feels the same way now.
She came home from the beach and said that she was getting a place of her own, and that she didn't love me anymore
Her life anymore. :( |
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