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cries · Jul 23, 2008, 09:16 AM

Been really wondering what to do... his birthday is coming up and I don't know if I should wish him happy birthday. I only knew him and dated him a couple of times over two months but we ended it on a good note early this month. There was a bit of disbelief on my end but there were no arguments and we decided to be friends. However, I haven't really been speaking to him as I was fed up of always initiating conversation and I didn't want to seem desperate either. I don't think he is the type to initiate conversation to anyone as he had mentioned it to me before. So it's been NC for more than a week now so I don't know if I should break it. Also, I do know that he has planned something for his birthday but I wasn't invited.

I've been asking friends for advice and they tell me I should just leave it and not wish. 1/2 of me agrees but my other 1/2 seems to want to wish him as it would be something nice and it's also in my nature. What do you think?

Romefalls19 · Jul 23, 2008, 09:23 AM

Nope, don't wish a happy birthday. Keep no contact going

ISneezeFunny · Jul 23, 2008, 09:37 AM

First ask yourself if it'll help you in anyway.. . will it... make you happy? Will it... brighten up your day? Possibly make you some sort of money? If no, then I recommend you stay away.

ib1512491136 · Jul 23, 2008, 09:40 AM

It depends really? I mean if you wish him happy birthday via text and he doesn't reply you will feel even worse. But then again if she wish him happy birthday he may just think, that was nice!

What do you want to achieve by wishing him happy birthday?

cries · Jul 23, 2008, 10:15 AM

Yeah, you all are right... I know that not wishing is probably the better choice but I'm just afraid I may feel some guilt if I did just not wish him. If he was someone bad, I probably wouldn't have given this a second thought but he was a nice person. I'm actually planning to do something fun with a friend (that I haven't seen in a while) on his birthday so it'll keep my mind busy.

littleme · Jul 23, 2008, 11:17 AM

I was in the same situation last year... I just texted him, you shared something special with that person, and it ended well so there's no reason not to send a sweet happy birthday text... like you said though, keep yourself busy that day so you won't be worrying if he'll answer or not, and if he doesn't well at least you did the right thing and you'r the bigger person :-)

hjpan · Jul 23, 2008, 11:48 AM

Who cares about his b-day?

I don't even think he's going to care as much...

Try NC

talaniman · Jul 23, 2008, 04:24 PM

Weigh the benefits, against the possible worst case scenerio. He may not acknowledge your thoughfulness, and then how would you feel?

cries · Jul 24, 2008, 08:25 AM

True... he might just end up not acknowledging it but would I seem selfish to not wish him? At the moment there is still NC...
Benefits of wishing: Making him happy, I won't feel the guilt/regret/selfishness, him realising he made a mistake of breaking up, him making a grateful reply/acknowledging thoughtfulness, myself being happy with reply
Worst possible situation of wishing: No reply (ignored), him realising that he made the right decision of breaking up, him sending a bad reply which may lead to regret, myself being sad and disappointed with his reply/no reply

talaniman · Jul 24, 2008, 09:53 AM

Benefits of wishing: Making him happy,
I won't feel the guilt/regret/selfishness,
This is for you not him, so its still selfish.
Him realizing he made a mistake of breaking up,
That's really wishfully thinking, again selfish.
Him making a grateful reply/acknowledging thoughtfulness,
More wishfully thinking
Myself being happy with reply
Up to him, and still very wishful thinking. No where is this for him, so its not heart felt but strictly to make you feel better.

I don't see any benefit to breaking NO CONTACT. SORRY! Be aware we all have this debate raging within us after a break up. See it for what it is, a desperate attempt to get the ex back.

smoothy · Jul 24, 2008, 10:08 AM

You aren't married, you aren't dating... you aren't even friends... treat it just like any other day and maintain no contact.

cries · Jul 24, 2008, 10:23 AM

Yup, I know what I have to do... and I know it's just that wishful thinking that is skewing my thoughts so probably at this time where my head isn't think straight, I have to listen to all of you. It'll be hard but I think I can get through it. Thanks for helping guys, I really appreciate it. I'll let you know how I go.

cries · Jul 29, 2008, 07:22 AM

I'm back to let you all know I kept myself far from the computer that day and distracted myself by taking really long to get ready before meeting a friend for movies and dinner :) and there was no wishing involved. I did feel a bit guilty but I kept reminding myself that I shouldn't be doing it for selfish reasons. Still continuing my NC... hopefully, I can keep going. Thanks everyone for your advice and support!

smoothy · Jul 29, 2008, 07:53 AM

I understand the temptation but all you would have done is dredge up old memories that would make getting over it that much harder. This is one of those time when it really is best for your mental health to never look back and only look ahead.

You did the right thing and eventually you will come to understand why as well.