[Sammie66]

Today has been up and down again.

Was completely indifferent this morning. Couldn't care less about her.

Then I got thinking again. Things still don't add up for me. The day before dumping me she was speaking about the future and saying "I want my friends to be your friends" and my mate said he could see she adored me.

It's like someone convinced her, maybe herself, that I didn't love her. I did hurt her a bit that week, but nothing particularly bad. Just me being a bit of an idiot as usual.

One thing I hate is how her story changed. In the beginning it was all about how we didn't fit, and I asked if there was someone else and she said "no, but I might start seeing someone from work" and next thing it was "I was looking forward to his texts more than yours" after she told me they hadn't really texted and it wasn't like that. I don't know which one to believe. All I know was she was really into me one minute, texting me all the time, and then a few days later she wasn't. Maybe she changed her story to be about him rather than me as her allegiance changed.

I wish I could go back to the week before and undo the mistakes that led to the breakup. Bottom line is she decided to leave me for someone else, whether she liked/likes him more than me or not and there's nothing I can do.

Love is cruel. One lesson I have learned is that I am a complete wimp. I'm scared of hurting people and scared of getting hurt. And that's why our relationship failed. We were both feeling the same.

[talaniman]

If you go back and reread your thread, you will see your caught in a very vicious loop, fueled by your rejection. You are your biggest enemy and must endeavor to break that cycle you allow yourself to be dragged in.

Then I got thinking again.

Every time you get to thinking, get up, and do something physical, shaving, cycling, polish your Sunday shoes, anything, to change your focus from her, to something else. That way you will not have to re-feel those feelings she left you with, nor ask the same questions over again, for which there is NO ANSWER FOR!!

If you have a good friend, let him know you'll call him to distract yourself, but never talk about her, that may help. If need be make out a to do list, and keep it handy, for those times you "get to thinking".

[hjpan]

She's just another piece of scratch paper. Throw her in the trash can and don't contact her at all. Even if she texts or calls you, don't answer/respond. Seriously, you have NOTHING wrong except spending less time with her than before. I was in the same situation as you were; I dated my girlfriend (now ex) of one year four months. I told her way before that I was going to be busy and I will be neglecting her for a bit. She said she'd understand and accept the situation.

A week before finals, she dumps me and tells me she has no feelings for me anymore cause I'm never there to be with her.

For me, I feel like sh*t and my feelings are up & down...
Recently, I started to work out a bit, read more dating books, visit some friends and teachers etc.

The best idea I can suggest to you is to forget about her and go on with your life.

Or even better, show up in front of her house with a nice car and a hot girl =]

[Sammie66]

I guess it all boils down to the fact that she cheated on me (maybe not physically) by getting close to this guy and hiding her "friendship". The hard part is that she doesn't regret it at all.

I really hope she gets what she deserves. I'm not even sure she told him she was seeing someone.

Thanks everyone for your continuing support

[hjpan]

I guess it all boils down to the fact that she cheated on me (maybe not physically) by getting close to this guy and hiding her "friendship". The hard part is that she doesn't regret it at all.

I really hope she gets what she deserves. I'm not even sure she told him she was seeing someone.

Thanks everyone for your continuing support

Join the NC Calender thread!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/other-...ii-227290.html

[Sammie66]

Feeling better today. This website is good for venting.

I think after me breaking up with her she decided we weren't going to last and that she had to move on. I think she got it into her head that I didn't love her and was just using her so it would be OK for her to use me while she was finding another relationship.

She completely betrayed me.

It's just so tragic because she didn't have to move on because I did love her. I just had fears that took time to get over. Unfortunately what she has done has put the fears back even worse. I hate how she has made me feel empty and as though I am just existing.

I think when I told her that I loved her she did get a shock, because she (or someone else - probably her new man) had convinced her that I didn't. But her excuse that "It was too much a shock to go back" is just crap.

I worry for her because I get the impression that he loves himself more than her. I'm in complete turmoil because I want to hate her, but I can't and I want her to feel the pain I do, but at the same time I don't.

I just wish she'd never taken that stupid ing job. I even said to her at the time that we'd drift apart and she'd fall for a barman. I said it not because I didn't trust her, but just that I was gutted we wouldn't see each other anymore and it's the kind of thing that happens all the time. I reminded her of that after we broke up and she said "Nice to see you had faith in us" and I said "Well, you're the one that has run away" and she started to cry.

I miss her.

[Sammie66]

Just went on to my sister in laws bebo to wish her congratulations for getting a new job. Of course there are messages from my ex there discussing the job. I don't know how I'm meant to deal with this. My ex is now closer to my sister in law than me. It was my brother that told me about her getting the job.

Is this going to ruin the relationship with my family? I can feel myself distancing myself from my sister in law because it hurts every time I see her texting or speaking about her pole dancing class she takes with my ex. The only way I can stop the hurt is to hurt my sister in law by distancing myself.

Anyone been in a similar situation?

[talaniman]

I think you should do what it takes to heal, and make explanations later.

[Sammie66]

It's really tough because if it affects my sister in law, it affects my brother, then my parents etc etc.

The way it ended annoys me, she clearly still wanted to be with me, but instead of working things through, she decided that she had to move on. She didn't put the effort in to communicate with me and just bottled everything up. When we argued after we finished she was bringing up things from the really really early days when I was just getting to know her. She never told me that these things annoyed her.

What I don't understand is how this guy is suddenly the love of her life and I was just a blip.

[Sammie66]

After a month of being dumped I sent her a long heartfelt email telling her how I felt about her. I ended up saying "I love you because you are crazy" or (nicer) words to that effect.

Next thing is her bebo status is "X is crazy" which means that my opinion still held value with her then.

Now we just don't talk. I think it makes it easier for both of us. She is still getting over me although she is with someone else. It doesn't make sense to me.

[talaniman]

As long as your still trying to figure out her actions and thoughts, your not thinking of yours, and that means your not taking your own feelings to heart. Don't be confused, ask yourself what's more important, and you will see as the emotions settle a more realistic view of what was really going on, through more objective eyes.

I understand your rants, as we all do when we are coping with the shock, and rejection of a break up, but at some point positive proactive action has to be taken, especially since she is still close to your family.

I think it important that you talk individually to them, as their support through this would be great. There is no reason why you must lose your own family after this loss, and you won't, with some honest communication. Remember your healing comes first, and I think they will understand.

[Sammie66]

I blew NC. I'm an idiot. She didn't reply which is good, but I hate myself for failing AGAIN.

I sent her a text asking why she never ever told me when I had upset her - this is what I see as the main problem. We NEVER argued and I noticed that she would always agree with me on things, never make the first move on anything and I tried to get her to do this. I tried so many different ways to get her to tell me her frustrations but she never gave in. She just bottled it up until the end.

As soon as I sent it I sent another saying "don't bother replying. theres no point" then about an hour later I sent "That night you were in work till 4am, you weren't working were you (She probably was having after work drinks with her new man). You cheated on me in every way possible and lied to me. I was only ever honest with you"

Then I sent "Sorry. Don't even know why im speaking to you"

Then I sent "Sorry. I'm now the psycho ex. I've just never been so hurt and betrayed before and you seem to think i was horrible to you. I was only ever honest. I miss you"

So now I'm all wound up. What an idiot. I hope she changed her number.

[talaniman]

Look at what you have done to yourself, did it help??

[Sammie66]

No. I was being stupid. I've been doing so well. I just got a bit depressed at work and thought about her.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-133537.html

I'm scared that this story is similar to mine, except I loved her. I didn't meet her parents though and was reluctant to hang with her friends after the first breakup.

[hjpan]

People screw up... just don't contact her again...

For me, I wish my ex got a new boyfriend who she fuqed, gotten pregnant, and her boyfriend runs off..

I just hope that happens to her.

[Sammie66]

I wish I could hate her but I loved her too much.

[talaniman]

I get she was your first, and know how hard that is. You fell hard in 7 months and being honest she was a stranger you barely knew, but those intense feelings got the best of you and now you must cope with the, and the feelings of rejection, and the pain and shock that its over.

You just need to get busy, getting yourself back, and deal with the pain with positive actions. Reread the 4 stickies, and really study them.

[hjpan]

I wish I could hate her but I loved her too much.

Compare my relationship of one year four months?

That's nothing... not to offend you but 7 months is not a very long time...

[Sammie66]

Time is nothing, it's how you feel about the person and how it ended.

Every situation is different. I just wish I wasn't such a psycho just now

[Romefalls19]

Yea man, you seriously need to delete her number from your phone. You are letting this broad into your head way too much. She has you by the b*lls, I'm going to be completely blunt with you as I have followed your story from the beginning. Feel free to hit me with a reddie but you will thank me later.

DELETE everything you have in ways to contact her, phone number, myspace, Facebook, cut the string to the tin can(old people know what I'm talking about). Reclaim your manhood from her by showing her you are strong enough to walk away like a MAN. Sure she broke your heart, she's a cold calculated b!tch, what more is there to say? NOTHING! Take all of her crap that's in your room down and box it up. Hang pictures of some nice attractive models or motivational quotes(that's what I did) If you don't stop the way you are acting you are either going to have one or both of the following happen 1. You will be known as the pyscho stalker or 2. Restraining order