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sickbro91 · Jul 21, 2008, 12:44 AM

Hi I'm new to this forum anyway

I have this girlfriend we have been going out for about 2 years now and during those 2 years she has lied to me about doing cocaine crystal meth weed shrooms ecstacy. And it hurts me so much that she lies to me all the time. But that is in the past. Recently she went to disney land with her best girl friend which introduced her to shrooms and ecstacy. I see a picture of her smoking hooka and a line of coke next to her and then another picture of her passed out in the bath tub. I asked her what was going on she agreed to the smoking hooka part whiched she lied about doing for about a month. I asked her about the whole cocaine thing and she told me it was a joke and they where messing around. But like she had 2 bags one still had cocaine in it a razor blade and a rolled up straw and a credit card to cut it. It seriously kills me on the inside that she could be doing drugs all again. Should I let drugs slide likes its not a big deal? I'm so sad all the time but it seems like she's the only girl who makes me happy she still tells me she loves me so much and cares about me so much.. but why.. why would she do that to me? What should I do?

ylaira · Jul 21, 2008, 12:55 AM

Originally Posted by sickbro91

shes the only girl who makes me happy she still tells me she loves me so much and cares about me soo much.. but why .. why would she do that to me? what should i do?

Because she's drug dependent , honey. Addiction, alcoholism and other vices are siblings of lying. Encourage her to see counselor and go to rehab. If she won't come clean from drugs, your relationship with her is pointless. You can't be a husband to a druggie in future come on!

sickbro91 · Jul 21, 2008, 12:59 AM

Yeah I know she tells me she doesn't do drugs anymore. She lied to me all of march for drugs. I feel like she's better then that though her friends are the one that is making her do that. I want her to stop and be her old self the one who always wanted to see me and always wanted to be with me be happy with life with no drugs involved.

ylaira · Jul 21, 2008, 01:14 AM

Ever heard of the line "Tell me who your friends are and I'll tell you who you are."? She's weak, easily swayed and lost for some reason. You can't change the person unless she's willing to do it for herself. Get her to counseling and in the rehab, if she wont, find someone else. This time, consider yourself. You are not superman.

Bicho · Jul 21, 2008, 03:09 AM

Originally Posted by sickbro91

hi im new to this forum anyways

i have this girlfriend we have been going out for about 2 years now and during those 2 years she has lied to me about doing cocaine crystal meth weed shrooms ecstacy. and it hurts me so much that she lies to me all the time. but that is in the past. recently she went to disney land with her best girl friend which introduced her to shrooms and ecstacy. i see a picture of her smoking hooka and a line of coke next to her and then another picture of her passed out in the bath tub. i asked her what was going on she agreed to the smoking hooka part whiched she lied about doing for about a month. i asked her about the whole cocaine thing and she told me it was a joke and they where messing around. but like she had 2 bags one still had cocaine in it a razor blade and a rolled up straw and a credit card to cut it. it seriously kills me on the inside that she could be doing drugs all again. should i let drugs slide likes its not a big deal? im so sad all the time but it seems like shes the only girl who makes me happy she still tells me she loves me so much and cares about me soo much.. but why .. why would she do that to me? what should i do?

But why would she hurt you so much if she loves you? Love is a lot of things... posotive things... it includes leaving parents behind and becoming one with some stranger right? Why is it difficult for her ;then to leave this... thing behind? Love loves; cares; forgives; trusts... even love forces someone to sacrifice onself for no special reason. Sorry to say this ;but I don't think she loves you.
What I think u need to do; talk to her for one last time. Tell her that u don't think what she is doing is right for neither of you. THen you let her decide between her... cocaine and going to seek help with you. Tell her you are and will be there for her as long as she is willing to get over this.. and be firm to remind her that you can no longer take it if she chooses her coc over you. Good luck!

sickbro91 · Jul 21, 2008, 03:32 AM

So I figured out my girlfriend was snorting ecstacy and she lied to me in my face tonight about it. I thought of a senario though. She wants to be with me still because she tells me she loves me and all but she can't do anything because she's messed up on drugs all the time. So she doesn't want to lose me at all she just wants me to wait for her so she can kind of get off the drugs and get better with me.

Bicho · Jul 21, 2008, 03:50 AM

How does she plan to get off the drugs and get better with you? Does that plan of hers include you or it's just her and her friends? You need to talk to her pal. Figure out when she is planning to do that and how long you will need you to wait for her. I don't mean for you to dump her; NO! I wish for you two to work together and surive this together; if she is willing. Just let her know that you are waiting for her to give u a chance for that... and at the same time , what will happen otherwise.

N0help4u · Jul 21, 2008, 05:28 AM

Friends don't MAKE her do drugs. They make it easier access to them but ultimately she would be out hunting them down if they weren't making them so available to her.
She is addicted and she lies because she doesn't want to loose you.
You will never get anywhere in a good relationship with her because her addiction will always rule her and it only gets worse. Do you want to spend the rest of your life with an addict? Really you need to get out now. Often even when addicts hit the bottom of the barrel they still don't want to quit. They will even go to rehab and come back out and start all over again. Don't waste your life on her.

Bicho · Jul 21, 2008, 05:48 AM

But what if it's just what it takes for her to get out of this mess? What if she needs his support and she can't do the 'getting out of this' by herself? I say he mentions this offers before he gives her his back... that he is there for her NOW. This way he will never blame himself for anything if anything goes wrong... and she certainly will remember him forever!

N0help4u · Jul 21, 2008, 05:56 AM

I have yet to see an addict get through an addiction because somebody was there for them.
The addiction rules and they have to want to quit. As long as she is in denial his hands are basically tied to where he couldn't help her even if he knew exactly what to do.
He sticks with her and the next thing he knows she will be draining his life.
Most addicts I know will steal off their loved ones and not even give it a second thought.
It really isn't worth getting your life drug down by the things they do because their addiction rules

Bicho · Jul 21, 2008, 06:05 AM

But how do u think the 'wanting to quit' thing will be in an addicts' mind? Will it not help for someone to be there to remind them to do that and help them through?

sickbro91 · Jul 21, 2008, 09:14 AM

3 months into our relationship I caught her doing crystal meth. She was straight for about a year march on my birthday month I found out she did ecstacy shrooms and some weed. And then I later found out like a year later. The week after she did crystal meth she did cocaine. Do you think if I went to her parents and told them what's going on it would help her? I still love her so much she tells me she loves me a lot too. But why could someone lie so much. Is it because she thinks I will get mad? I tell her I hate it more when she lies but she does it every day to herself. Should I just leave he?

N0help4u · Jul 21, 2008, 09:23 AM

Originally Posted by Bicho

but how do u think the 'wanting to quit' thing will be in an addicts' mind? will it not help for someone to be there to remind them to do that and help them through?

Most of the time that peoples good intention is to help an addict all they are doing in reality is being an enabler. Then the addict thinks they can take advantage because you did not make an issue of them taking $20. From them. So then they think they can steal your Ipod.
Then you feel bad for them and still let them get away with it making excuses. Then they take your camcorder and they make excuses and promises they do not keep. Then they take your car and rent a rock it out for drugs and then they start stealing your prescription meds. Then you want to call the police and you don't. Then they get to the point they 'they want to quit' so they go to rehab. They come out feeling better and say 'Oh I can handle ONE hit!" Then they are hooked right back on the stuff. So where do you really fit in helping them other than being an enabling door mat? What are you REALLY doing to help? What changes have you really made other than compromising yourself. If you have a for real plan on how to REALLY help an addict I sure would love to hear it!
Helping them is ALL just words unless you can have a real working plan and not fall into enabler category.

N0help4u · Jul 21, 2008, 09:28 AM

Originally Posted by sickbro91

but why could someone lie so much. is it because she thinks i will get mad? i tell her i hate it more when she lies but she does it every day to herself. should i just leave he?

SHE LIES because she is in denial even to her own self.
You have to ask yourself questions like what she is doing to your life?
What is she really contributing that is so special that you couldn't find it in a healthy relationship?
Where do you see her in 5-10 yrs if she doesn't quit or even gets worse?
Where do you see yourself in 5-10 yrs when she has drained your wallet, your emotions and everything else?

sickbro91 · Jul 21, 2008, 11:07 AM

So today I told her unless she stops with the drugs and all that crap I'm done with her and don't even want to talk to her at all. So we arnt anything anymore.

N0help4u · Jul 21, 2008, 11:09 AM

Good! If you could have actually helped her AND IF she really wanted to quit she would have choose you and asked for help. Basically if she left you that easy she choose the drugs OVER you!

sickbro91 · Jul 21, 2008, 11:49 AM

And I found out when we had something she had sex with another man. I can't beileve how sneaky she is why does she go and do that stuff? Why can't I meet a girl who's loyal and perfect why is it that in every relationship there's always the person who never gets along who always has to make the other person so miserable. Why can't I find people that is right for me

sickbro91 · Jul 21, 2008, 12:43 PM

So today at lunch she called me crying because I said I didn't want anything to do with her. And she told me she hates the guy she slept with and she hates who she has become I donno if I should take that as I want to change or something she's trying to say to comfort me a little so I won't worry about her as much. I asked her if she wants to change and become a better person and she said she doesn't know does that mean?

N0help4u · Jul 21, 2008, 12:56 PM

You need to leave her alone and IF she is desperate enough to be with you she will be proactive and get some rehab and straighten out her life.
You going back with her will just make her feel like I have my cake and eat it too so why do I have to try and quit something that seems impossible to quit.
Tough love.
People ALWAYS say what they have to to get what they want. People always believe they will do what they have to do but if they have it comfy what's the reason to?

sickbro91 · Jul 21, 2008, 01:01 PM

I guess we planned on hanging out today though? Should I cancel it?